Mid-CenturyModernMoms

college kids and alcohol

Jen said something to Drew the other day about how her housemates are all turning 21 in the next weeks and months, and how they're going to be able to legally buy beer for their house parties.

And Drew told her "You're 20 years old, you're not allowed to drink."

There's a huge difference between underage drinking at 14 and underage drinking at 20. 

The reality is, she's been going to college parties since...well, since she started college.  I remember her telling me about one party, when she was a freshman, where she got doused with beer because "some guy at the party was drunk and rowdy but the people whose house it was couldn't throw him out..."

She's 20 years old, in most countries around the world she could go into a bar or liquor store and make a purchase without having to bring fake ID.

When I was her age, I could legally buy alcoholic beverages in the State of New York.

I think I'm more concerned with whether she's being sensible about drinking....as in, "don't drink to excess", as in, "don't drink and drive", as in, "take the keys away from a friend who's been drinking" and "don't let the party get out of control."  You know, all the "drink responsibly" messages....

I'm not there to see what she does.  She's got a good head on her shoulders.  All I can do is to hope she uses it.

cross posted at <a href="../../songbirdscrazyworld.blogspot.com">Songbird's Crazy World</a>

An Adult Decision

Last week, after a perfectly boring week (boring can be good!!), I was driving Rosie home from an activity.

Out of the blue, she says to me- Mom, I broke up with E.

I was pretty astounded since he had just been up and everything was fine, or so I thought.  So I leaned over and gave her a hug.

She continued- it's okay.  I decided that texting him until all hours was getting in the way of my schoolwork and I was doing as all as I could.  But we're still friends, and I absolutely love his family!

Rosie definitely has been tired all of the time, and I've been telling her to go to bed earlier.  It was the tiredness getting her down (she actually took a sick day just before this because she was so wiped out), I'm sure that her actual work hadn't suffered.  But this was a very adult decision and I'm happy that she made it.

I'm just wondering what is going to be the difference between going out when he's an hour away and being just friends?

 

Freaking Out

Rosie just started her junior year of high school, 11th grade.  In some countries, this is the last year of high school, but in the US, we have 2 more to go (including this one).

But she's already freaking out over where to go to college, but even more so over her classes this year.

To start with she didn't get the Ceramics teacher that she wanted (and had had the last 2 years).  She got the mean one.  Who everyone else is transferring out of the class.  And she was supposed to TA (teaching assist) for this woman.    So she tried to switch her amth class with her ceramics class- because that was the best blaock of classes to switch into the good teacher's class- but the honors math class was all filled up there- and Rosie was actually the 2nd person on the wait list for that class.

Then, she was freaking out that she didn't understand her Honors Biology and it was going to be too much memorization, and....  So I got her to go talk to the teacher- who basically said, if you think that this is hard now, you'd better drop down to college prep Bio.

So Rosie is then freaking out because she's dropping one of her honors classes and she has friends who are taking 4 of them, and she's never going to get into a good university ..... etc....

And then because she's freaking out, she is having trouble falling asleep.  So a few nights of giving her Benadryl (and it not working), she starts crawling into bed with me.  Which wouldn't be a problem except that the first few nights she tried this, she kept getting up to go back to her bed- and then coming back a few hours later...  So I was very tired- and she wasn't getting a lot of sleep either.  Now she's just coming to my bed for the night.  After all of her switches get taken care, I think (hope) that she'll calm down and I'll edge her out again.

And then there was going to 4 bookstores to get a book assigned for her English class. All of the local ones were sold out!  But she's doing her homework now, and I jsut get to guess what the next trauma will be.

college update

"...it's late September and I really should be back at school...." (five points to the person who recognizes that lyric)

Well, it's that time of year again -- the time of year when every conversation with one of my daughters must always include the question "Mom, can you put money in my bank account?"  Yep, the National Bank of Mom is once again open for business.

Jen has settled into the school year very nicely.  but that's to be expected, it's her junior year, and much of her school routine is old and familiar.  Her new adventure this year is living off campus and finally having a room of her own, one without a sister or roommate.  Of course, that means she has to cook for herslef (no more dining hall) and she has to leave herself time to get to class (no more rolling out of bed and into a classroom, it's a 20-minute drive to school).    She's completed most of her required core courses, though she is taking her lab science class this semester, and most of her program consists of  courses in her major and electives.

Becca has taken to college life like a fish to water.   She loves everything about it!  Her on-campus housing is not a traditional dorm; rather, the housing is set up as apartments complete with full kitchen.  Freshmen are required to be on a meal plan, but the food in the cafeteria is less than wonderful, so she's learning to shop for and feed herself -- though she did have to call home to leanr how to make a cup of tea when she didn't have access to a microwave.  she loves her classes, and has already told me how much she appreciates some of her high school AP teachers -- she feels they did an excellent job of preparing her for college.    And I love to hear her talk about the city -- in a matter of three weeks she sounds like she's been living in the city her whole life.  She oh-so-nonchalantly describes taking the subway to visit her best friend at another university, or how she and a few freidns went to Lincoln Center and sat outside the opera house listening to Carmen and eating gelato, or how they walked around the Village or went out for sushi....

I finally got to hear all the details about the room mate who moved out....I thought it was the girl from Florida, but it turns out, the girl who moved out is from New Jersey.  Apparently the young lady really didn't want to live on campus and her parents pushed her.  She started crying and carrying on about being homesick the day she moved into the apartment, almost from the moment her parents left.  She was gone within two days, having converted her status from "resident" to "commuter", and she'll be travelling to school from New Jersey every day.

I feel bad for the girl, of course....but Becca was in a "forced triple" bedroom (a room designed for two but with a third girl squeezed in), and now she's in a double.  I can't feel bad about that.  Guess it's all part of the college experience.

but my girls are doing well, enjoying their busy lives as college students. 

and I'm getting used to the quiet in the house.

cross posted at Songbird's Crazy World

New Beginnings

The new Jewish year has truly been a new beginning for our family.  In the same week as Rosh Hashanah, Abe started college and Rosie started her junior year of high school (read the crunch year).  And in the few weeks before that, the car that Abe had been driving quit and we had to get a new old car for him quickly, and there was a quick trip to California for a wedding. Rosie continued seeing and her camp boyfriend and Ora started a relationship too.

So a lot has changed for us.  Hopefully you'll excuse me for not having written in a few weeks.

Abe is doing pretty well at college, but he just got hit with a writing assignment- and writing is NOT his strength.  He got one paragraph done on it and then sat spinning his wheels.  I suggested that he go to the writing lab for help in between classes, but he instead went off to find a quiet place.  I'll have to find a way of getting him to get the help he desperately needs for writing.

This isn't a new problem, by any means, but I don't think that he realizes how big a problem it really can be even for someone in engineering or computers.

Rosie is already stressed out by school.  To start with, she didn't get into the ceramics class that she wanted.  She hates the teacher that she got and hasn't been able to transfer to the one that she likes.  Turns out that almost everyone is transferring out of this teacher's class!

And now she's going to transfer down out of Honors Biology into standard college prep Bio.  She thinks that she's a failure and is comparing herself against friends who are in 4 Honors classes, while she'll only be in Honors Math.

Considering that math was NOT my best subject, I'm pretty sure that my little girl will still get into top rated colleges and be able to study whatever she wants to do.  Something that she's not at all certain about right now.  But in her, I see myself at that age- certain that my life choices depend on the choices that I was about to make right at that time!

Another new beginning, was the wedding that we went to in California.  It was totally stressful to just go for the weekend, but we didn't want to miss more of work or school.  But the wedding was wonderful (if not exactly our style) and we love the groom (a cousin) and are growing to love the bride.  And it was great to see so much family all in one place- including a 100 year old patriarch!

But our beginnings have been hectic.  I hope that the next few weeks settle down a bit.

Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon

I believe in karma.

I believe that if I do something to someone, eventually the karma wheel will swing around and smack me upside the head.

I believe this with all my heart -- especially since I have seen it in action time and time again.

That karma wheel. It's the real-deal equalizer, at least in my experience.

Which is why I was a little surprised at myself when I despaired at being able to help the Roo-girl extricate herself from her mean-girl situation.

The usual excitement at the start of a fresh school year had been replaced by panic when she discovered that she and Ms. Mean Girl shared a math class in addition to cheer.

We tried to move her schedule around to make it go away, but we were unable to find a solution.

Instead, Roo went to school with her head held high, determined to make it work somehow. She seemed to have the math class situation under control, but cheer? That was another story.

The situation was uncomfortable and showed no signs of solutionalizing itself. (And yes, that is TOO a word!)

Until the first official football game on Friday.

The coach and the adviser caught up with me as I raised my camera to start my job again as official team photographer.

"Did you hear?" they asked me.

"Hear what?" I asked.

"Ms. Mean Girl quit the team," I was told.

WHAT?????

It's true. For whatever her reasons, the mean girl has turned in her uniform and removed herself from the squad, leaving Roo breathless with relief.

"Now it's my team, my friends, MY safe haven," she crowed after the game when we talked about it.

And the karma wheel swings around once again.

Crossposted at From the Planet of Janet

Sometimes, all you need is a little retail therapy

I wish I could say that Roo has had a great summer, filled with friends and excitement.

But the truth is that Roo has mostly spent the summer with me.

In the last couple weeks especially, Roo and I have made multiple let's-get-the-heck-outta-here excursions.

One trip to the mall, where we took in a movie and -- in a moment of spontaneous goofiness -- we each put a second set of holes in our ears.

"This is so cool," Roo said as we left the store, giggling together, with our little list of post-piercing instructions and bottles of antiseptic.

And I had to agree.

The next trip started out less auspiciously.

It was 10:30 at night, and the walls -- and the mean girls -- were closing in on the both of us.

"Can we just go out and drive around?" she asked me.

I looked back at her tear-stained face.

"Let's go to the movies," I said.

"What?" she asked, incredulous.

"Seriously -- let's go. Now."

So we did.

It was a midnight show, and we were literally the only two in the theater. We put our feet up on the seats in front of us, talked out loud, shared popcorn and Sour Patch Kids.  And when the credits rolled, my baby was smiling again.

We got home at 2 in the morning. My 6 a.m. alarm was not a welcome sound, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Roo and I have had our moments. When she was 13 and 14, I was ready to sell her to the gypsies.

When she was 14 and 15, she pretty much wished that I would disappear.

Now that she is 16, we have discovered something pretty darned important.

We like each other.

A lot.

Now how cool is THAT?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Meanwhile, the very cool ladies of Room 704 have published the August edition of their very cool site (cool because -- ahem -- I'm one of them!).

Check out our posts on the theme of "growth."

Especially mine.

Crossposted at From the Planet of Janet

unbelievable

Not only do you have to worry about the way your child drives....you also have to worry about all the other morons on the road.

Once again I am dealing with insurance adjusters, tow trucks, body shops, accident reports....

Jen was broadsided as she was pulling out of a parking lot onto the roadway. Jen says the other car came out of nowhere, that she looked both ways before pulling out of the lot and didn't see anyone coming. The guy who hit her says he was doing 30 MPH....but the damage to her car makes me doubt it. The accident happened just south of a very busy intersection, and my guess is that he wanted to make it through the intersection before the light changed.  And, oh yeah, the guy who hit her is NOT a teen driver...he's older than I am.  

I keep telling both girls "Drive as if everyone else on the road is a moron, because most of them are."

And now we have to figure out how Jen is going to get to work while her car is in the shop.

My insurance wasn't high enough, I had to have this happen now?

Calgon take me away.

Visiting Day

Rosie has been away at camp for a month- with another month to go.  It's her last summer as a camper.  And she is determined to eke out every last iota of enjoyment from it.

But last week I got to see her and give her a hug.  It was visiting day at camp.  It's the end of first session and the kids that stay both sessions (as is mandatory for these oldest campers) get to see people from outside- and more importantly, they get to go out of camp themselves.

There is a tradition at this camp.  Take the kid to Wal-Mart and re-stock up on junk food and anything else that the kid needs.  Not too bad a bill this year.  And give hugs to all of your friends that you see at the store (as if you hadn't been living with these people!)  And then go to one of the two Friendly's for lunch (ditto on seeing the camp kids) and then go to the local homemade ice cream stand (moo).

So we did all that.  And walked around the area that her group is bunked in and got to see her own section of it.

Mom got a huge hug at the beginning of the visit.  But by the end, Rosie was off and running to her friends.

And three weeks to go.

The new nasties

Back when I was a teen, girls were mean.

When someone wanted to hurt someone else, it was easy. Just start a whisper campaign. Rumors and gossip spread like wildfire, but they would just as quickly die down when another juicy rumor surfaced.

Today girls are still mean, but they have so many more resources at their disposal.

There is texting. There is Facebook.

And then there is Formspring, a forum for people to ask "questions" of -- or make comments about -- others.

The Roo-girl once joined a Facebook group that was called something like "Formspring: causing teen suicides since 2009." (I looked for it to get the exact title, but it seems to have gone away.)

Formspring makes the whisper campaigns look like rainbows and unicorns.

We are currently in the midst of some drama in our house. The specifics are unimportant, but the outcome is a Formspring vendetta (with a little Facebook thrown in for good measure) that is so intensely cruel and malicious that it makes my head spin -- and my little girl cry.

We have a new philosophy about the particular mean girl in question: Walk away and pay it no mind because the girl is only as powerful as you allow her to be.

So Roo pushes on, while petulant little girls write trash and pump it into cyberspace, where it travels far and wide. And forever.

She hurts.

And I? I want to hurt someone.

Crossposted at From the Planet of Janet