Mid-CenturyModernMoms

Regression

I'm starting to tear my hair out about Abe hibernating in his cave.

The deal when he moved home was that he was going to a) keep his room almost as clean as he had to at school, b) use the exercise room, c) go out to events and not just sit around his room playing on the computer and d) keep himself clean.

He was doing great with all of these when he first came home from school and all throughout the summer.  But now that the school year has started, all of these have just fallen off.

I vocally remind him to take his shower and brush his teeth.  Sometimes I remind him when I get a sensory cue, or I see the oil on his hair.

But Abe is close to 6 feet tall, and weighs over 220 pounds, so it's not like when he was a baby and I could pick him up.

One of the things that I'm doing (he doesn't know this yet) is removing him from the advanced (pay for) player category on his multi-player computer game.  He'll be back down to standard (free) level and it won't be as much fun.  Right now, he literally spends 6-10 (or more) hours each day on that game.  Too much!!!  And therefore, he doesn't go to sleep until 2-4 am, and sometimes misses classes.

I had found a social group, a pizza and games night, that he enjoyed.  But this last month, it was just too much work for him to RSVP for it.  He'd rather spend in on the massive player computer game.

If Rosie didn't need the computer/internet access, I'd totally disable the internet each night when I go to sleep.

HELP!!

 

Amigo is a ramblin' man

He likes to hit the road, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. 

He enjoys when the truckers honk their horns for him. HONK. HONK. In fact, he's a little bummed when they don't.  He takes charge of the radio and finds local stations wherever we are. I put him in charge of the cell phones so I can watch the road. He loves it. We pick up road food snacks or bring our own along. 

We've made road trips to Milwaukee to see the Brewers play, the Chicago area to play with baby cousin, Lake Superior to see a great show, and more. 

Last week we took advantage of a long weekend and traveled to see Amigo's girlfriend. 

Yes, girlfriend. He wanted to visit and bring her a birthday gift instead of waiting until they were back at school on Monday. Since we enjoy our Mom-Amigo time on the road, I said "Sure, why not?" and we strapped on our seat belts and hit the highways. 

We had a few mishaps. MapQuest picked a rather odd route, and I didn't like the back roads it chose. I didn't have a cell phone charger because I was driving Chuck's Saturn, so I waited until the last moment to turn on my phone's GPS. The GPS Navigator sucks up battery energy like a Green Bay Packers fan sucking down beers - in other words, a lot and very quickly. I really didn't want to be without phone for the way home. When we reached the right street, we circled three times before finding the right house. 

Finally, we got there. 

Girlfriend's sisters were there. Girlfriend's grandma was there. Grandma was a woman after my own heart; she had set up a sewing project in the kitchen so she could watch anything and everything the two lovebirds might have in mind. In fact, I felt safe leaving Amigo there for a bit while I visited a nearby big-city mall and thrift store to do some early holiday shopping. 

I think Amigo would have stayed for hours, and the girls and Grandma would have kept him. I, however, felt the need to go home, so we packed up and hit the road again. 

The ramblin' young man made his girlfriend feel special, I got to meet her family, and we had a relaxing day on the lovely autumn highways.

I think I'll call it a success, Les.  

Parental nightmares

When you send a child off to college, to live in a dorm away from home, you expect that there will be issues.  Your child has to learn to take care of him or herself without your supervision, maybe do chores that you would have done at home, organize his/her time, learn to live with roommates, deal with homesickness, loneliness and all the stuff that just goes along with being 18.  the usual ups and downs, the stuff you've seen me blog about as my girls explore college life.

 

You expect that your child will be safe at his/her school, that school security makes the campus a safe haven for students.  You expect that difficulties with roommates can be resovled, that the residential life staff can come to the aid of kids who are having difficulties adjusting to dorm life, that everyone will get along. 

 

I guess that's why recent news stories sent shivers up my spine.

 

A shooting spree at the University of Texas.    Fortunately the gunman didn't shoot anyone except himself..  Reminded me of what happened at Virginia Tech a couple of years ago, but with a better outcome.

 

A shooting at a Seton Hall frat party left a young woman dead and several other party goers injured.  the gunman had been denied entrance to the party and just randomly shot party guests in retaliation.

 

But the one that scared me the most....what happened at Rutgers.  It was national news.  A young man committed suicide by jumping off the George Washington Bridge.  Seems the young man's roommate and another student thought it would be "fun" to secretly videotape the young man's sexual encounters and broadcast the video on the Internet.  I suppose they thought it would be "amusing" because the victim happened to be gay.    the result -- one student dead, two others facing up to five years in jail for their "prank".

 

such a horrible invasion of privacy by the stranger you happen to be living with.

 

I cannot imagine being the parent of one of the victims.

 

 

And I cannot imagine being the parent of one of the perpetrators. 

 

As much as you hope you your children remain safe and happy outside of your presence, you  also have to be concerned that your children absorbed the morals you tried to teach them, that they are caring and compassionate and that they exercise good judgment.

 

It's a scary world out there.

 

 

cross posted at Songbird's Crazy World

Surprises

This has been a week of surprises.  Some surprises are good, and others are not.  We've had both this week.

The first surprise was with the car that Abe has been driving.  I had called him to make sure that he had done something and he told me (CALMLY) instead that several warning lights had come on in the car's dashboard.  Well, it is 9 years old, but I had just had the battery replaced and they told me that it was good for a while longer.  (I didn't know that they only meant a few months!!)

So I gave him the phone number to the dealer and told him to bring it over there.  I met him there and after we went out for a bite to eat, we found out that it needed over $5000 worth of work.  And, that they weren't even recommending that we do it!  Eek.  Abe needs a car to drive to school with in the fall!

So that was (bad) surprise #1.  But it was also a good surprise in that Abe reacted very calmly and correctly.

Then another surprise.  Rosie wrote me a letter from camp actually admitting that she had a boyfriend.  Sharing that information with mom was a lovely, good surprise present.

So back to the car.  I posted on the internal bulletin board a query whether anyone had a car to sell- and good surprise #3- someone did!  Low money, about the same age as the other car, but lower mileage.

Can you say rollercoaster week?

Never too Old for One on One Time

Your babies are never too old to schedule some one on one time with them.  In fact, you aren't too old to schedule some time with YOUR parents.  Dad and I have had great times when we've come on vacations together, either just us, or with a whole mess of other relatives.  Do it before it's too late!

So your babies, who are now strapping big men or lovely young ladies, still need to be shown that they are important to you with some time alone with Mom.

So I took most of a day off of work and we went to the Museum of Science.  Since both of both are geeks, we love this place.  We were planning on going to a cousin's house at the beach, but she switched the day to Saturday.  This day wasn't a great beach day, anyway.

Abe wanted to see a special exhibit on whales, so we went right there and we both had a good time- but separately reading everything and playing with the toys, er computer terminals.  Then we saw a live animal show on owls and went home.

So on Saturday, we went to the beach and played around in the sand.  It was actually a perfect day- but a bit chilly for being at the beach.  Abe did some boogie boarding for a while, but i just stayed on the beach and talked to my cousin.  After Abe came back, he took part in the conversation and later we all went out to dinner. 

So you don't have to entertain those older kids in quite the same way as the younger ones, but it's still nice to spend the time side by side.

The Start of Starting College

My baby is growing up (waaah). {Hush up, silly lady, your baby is 19 years old, almost 6 feet tall and over 200 pounds, of course, he's all grown up.}

But Abe is starting to do things that he needs to do / get before starting college in the fall.

We went to the wireless store and got him a cell phone.  A simple, basic model was what he wanted.  No texting (although maybe eventually GPS).  I showed him how to program some numbers in it, but he hasn't been much interested in playing around with it (unlike Rosie).

He received (from me, thank you) a laptop computer and a cool, red, wireless mouse.  But so far, computers are for playing games on and the desktop has a large screen.  We haven't even loaded the software package yet!

He took himself to the college and took his placement tests in the disability services office (I'm going to have to figure out a shorter name for that place). And then he called up (with some prompting) to get his scores and made an appointment to go in there and pick his classes.

Figuring out how to pick classes at a school is always an adventure! And I'm wondering when I'll get the tuition bill!!

And he's getting himself up and to where he needs to be at the correct times (with a little guidance from mom)- at least in the mornings.  Since we've been home from vacation he's had 2 doctor's appointments, the placement testing, the class picking, a group orientation and his construction helper's job.

So far, I'm giving him organizing hints.  He'll let me know when he doesn't need them anymore (probably loudly). 

I'm so proud of him!!!

A bad case of the babies

La Petite scared Chuck one day when she said she had a "case of the babies" coming on. I laughed out loud at his expression. Call it what you will: monthlies, Aunt Flo, That Time of the Month, or other euphemistic name. I knew what she meant.

 

It was a term she picked up from her college friends, and it actually makes sense. The phenomenon is a function of the reproductive system, after all.

 

The guys in their peer group learned to be cautious when all the girls were wearing sweats and looking grumpy. Ah, some real life learning outside of classes: how to understand women. If their gal pals all have a case of "the babies," the guys have learned to treat them with TLC. It'll make them good husbands some day, really.

 

Recently, I remembered why I preferred a family doctor to an OB/GYN. The latter tends to have an unpredictable schedule because of their own cases of babies: delivering them!  And then it takes a special and post-baby effort to convince the nurses that yes, my appointment is important, baby-making age or not.

 

My own "babies" are ages 23 and 18. the only case of the babies we'll deal with around our house is the potential for grandbabies or our adorable little niece. She is a sweetie, isn't she? Now that's a good case of the babies.

 

 

 

 

Another Graduation Story

It really is that season- of reading all about graduations.  Last week was Abe's graduation.  He is supposed to get a diploma from the city that we live in, and they had their graduation a few weeks ago, but this one, from his boarding school for the last 2 years, is the one that means the most to him, and to all of us.

 

The ceremony itself was short and sweet; it was finished in under an hour.  Abe was first in line coming in and first to get his diploma (alphabetically).  He was also recognized as being one of the few to make it to the highest, most independent level.  Actually, I was the one who pushed for this level to be instituted based on Abe's internship.

The speeches both from the 3 graduates that talked and the staff included acknowledgement of all the hard work that the parents put in, also.  Being an advocate for a special needs child is not an easy task.

All the staff will miss him but they all agreed that this past year he has made tremendous gains and really is ready to take on the challenges of a small college.  A larger school might still overwhelm him, but he is starting out at a community college and living at home- so that I can still give him lots of guidance.

Even while other graduates were shucking their cap and gown, Abe retained his; he was so proud of being able to wear it!.  Family and friends came from near and far to mark this day.

His grandmother came from California...

 

His grandfather came from Maryland...

And family and friends came from Minnesota and western Mass. and close to us in Newton.

But the day wasn't over yet.  Now for the sadness. 13 months ago Abe and Rosie's dad died.  So with all the family gathered together, and with the additional of even more local friends, we went to the cemetary for the unveiling, the dedication of the tombstone.  It was a very emotional moment for both of the kids, but for me, it was just another task checked off.  I don't hate him anymore and I can remember a lot of the good times, but I don't feel any emotional connection there.

But then it was back to celebrating for Abe and back to the condo and more food and more people dropping by.

Then it was time for Rosie to get back to camp (another long story) and us to start packing for our vacation.
 
 

Changes

This week is one of changes in our household.  It gets upended from 2 different directions (does that mean it stays level?)

This week is also one of accomplishment.

Abe is graduating high school!!!  And he'll be going to college.

And Rosie will have cleaned up all her stuff all over the place (by force if necessary).

I'm very proud of Abe.  Especially in the last year, he has developed a sense of equilibrium to deal with situations, either common everyday or unexpected like last week's car incident. (BTW- it wasn't a disaster in terms of money to fix!)

After two years of living at boarding school, Abe is moving back into the house full time.

At the same time, Rosie is off for 2 months of camp.  Except for some other scheduling problems associated with both of these occurences happening at the same time, I'm actually glad that they are at the same time.  It will give Abe some time to settle in to living at home again.

Of course, he's not going to be home for long since he and I, and one set of aunt & uncle & cousins & his grandfather are all going on vacation together (for a week) the evening after graduation.  Rosie will be back at camp, as she declined to go with us.

Chemistry Project

A Chemistry project is taking over my living room!!!

Rosie is in the final days of a very unique school project.  For Chemistry, she had to interview 3 family members about their life, and oh, btw, is there any chemical compound that has had an impact on your life?

Huh?

Rosie interviewed her grandfather and her grandmother and got some interesting family history out of them, but she was going to use me for the compound- because I'm a chemist.  (Yes, there is life outside of being Abe and Rosie's mom!)

The first compound that I picked was Herceptin, the anti-breast cancer drug.  The teacher nixed that one, she didn't want stuff about cancer.

So then I picked an epoxy resin (the main component) nicknamed DGEBA (d'gee-bah).  That's something that I use at work and have created a new adhesive out of it that is being used in production.  But no, the teacher didn't like that one either- not enough general applicability.

So the teacher picked Barium Sulfate, which is used in medical imaging studies of the gastrointestinal tract.  And I gave Rosie a story about her Dad using it.

 

But that's not the annoying part (at least to me).  As part of the poster about this compound, Rosie has to make a model of the molecule and also a model of the crystal stucture.  We first went to the crafts store when she was still doing DGEBA.  Let's just say that this was an expensive visit.  Oops, wrong molecule!  back to the store- it's a bit cheaper now, but do you know just how much an 8 inch ball of styrofoam costs?? ($15!!!)  And the paints, and different ball sizes....

And now the painting and the toothpicking to put it together (at the right bond angles) and the construction paper and the print-outs.....

Argh!!!  At least it's all due on Thursday so it will be out of my space!!