Mid-CenturyModernMoms

Regression

I'm starting to tear my hair out about Abe hibernating in his cave.

The deal when he moved home was that he was going to a) keep his room almost as clean as he had to at school, b) use the exercise room, c) go out to events and not just sit around his room playing on the computer and d) keep himself clean.

He was doing great with all of these when he first came home from school and all throughout the summer.  But now that the school year has started, all of these have just fallen off.

I vocally remind him to take his shower and brush his teeth.  Sometimes I remind him when I get a sensory cue, or I see the oil on his hair.

But Abe is close to 6 feet tall, and weighs over 220 pounds, so it's not like when he was a baby and I could pick him up.

One of the things that I'm doing (he doesn't know this yet) is removing him from the advanced (pay for) player category on his multi-player computer game.  He'll be back down to standard (free) level and it won't be as much fun.  Right now, he literally spends 6-10 (or more) hours each day on that game.  Too much!!!  And therefore, he doesn't go to sleep until 2-4 am, and sometimes misses classes.

I had found a social group, a pizza and games night, that he enjoyed.  But this last month, it was just too much work for him to RSVP for it.  He'd rather spend in on the massive player computer game.

If Rosie didn't need the computer/internet access, I'd totally disable the internet each night when I go to sleep.

HELP!!

 

Vaccines: Not just for little ones.

I'm getting Amigo's paperwork ready for school in the fall. I'm dealing with my own health issues. And while medical care is all fresh in my mind, I find my mind wandering to my own students, those I will teach in the fall.

Last year the children in my class were hit hard by H1N1. During a three to four week period, I saw five to ten students out each day. Each one missed at least four days; the sickest of the group missed two full weeks of school.

Amigo is 18. La Petite is 23, a recent college graduate. In the five years between them, immunizations changed. It's very important to keep up on the changes; teens need regular physicals, just like babies and toddlers do.

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) is asking bloggers to remind parents to immunize their teens and preteens. Did you know that while most infants and children get the vaccines they need, less then half of pre-teens and teens receive the vaccines specifically recommended for their age group?

There are serious diseases that kids are at increased risk for as they approach the teen years such as meningitis, whooping cough, and human papillomavirus (also known as HPV, the virus that can lead to cervical cancer in women).

• Meningococcal infections are very serious and can result in long-term disability or even death
• Pertussis, also called whooping cough, is not just a childhood disease—many teens are diagnosed with it each year. Five years ago, one of my 6th grade students had it and generously shared the virus with me - in June.
• Certain strains of HPV, the most common sexually transmitted infection in the United States, can cause cervical pre-cancer and cancer.

There are three vaccines recommended specifically for kids at ages 11 or 12 to protect them from these diseases:

• Meningococcal vaccine

, which protects against meningitis and its complications

Tdap vaccine, which is a booster against tetanus, diphtheria, and pertussis

HPV vaccine, which protects girls and women against the types of HPV that most commonly cause cervical cancer

In addition, pre-teens (and all kids 6 months and older!) should get the flu vaccine every year. Even healthy kids can get the flu and it can be serious. Just ask last year's fourth graders!

You might be thinking, "Oh, that's fine for people with health insurance. What about those who can't afford vaccines?" Many of my students and their families fall into that category. Lost job or low income doesn't have to prevent necessary health care. Look into the Vaccines For Children (VFC) program for funding sources.

Still uncertain? Look here for more information on why teens and preteens need immunizations. Watch this video on meningitis.

I focus more and more on keeping my family healthy through holistic eating and natural methods. I will never give up their vaccines, though. Immunizations are too important to miss.

I am writing this post as part of a CDC blogger outreach program. I offered to participate because I have seen the impact of pertussis, influenza, and more. The original post is on Compost Happens. 

feeling the loss

I first met Dr. G the day Jen was born.

I hadn't had time to choose a pediatrician, I had thought about it but...so I was in the delivery room with my brand-new daughter and my obstetrician told the nurse "call Dr. G."

And thus began a long and wonderful relationship.  Over the years my daughters saw other doctors -- doctors who covered for Dr. G when he was unavailable, ER doctors for emergencies, specialists ... but Dr. G remained their primary care physician. 

He's truly a wonderful man, gentle and understanding.  He knows how to treat children, and their parents.

He knew the girls well.  Knew where they went to school.  Knew their hobbies, their likes and dislikes.

Hearing his voice over the phone was so soothing to a stressed and frazzled mother.  He wasn't just a doctor, he was a friend and confidante.

He kept photos of all of his patients on a bulletin board in his office.

In the March 2009, when Jen was a college freshman, she visited the health clinic at school for some minor ailment....the doctor there was scary...gave us all the impression things were far worse than reality.  I made her come home and see Dr. G.  (I loved the fact that she could drive herself to the pediatrician's office for her appointment!) Turns out there was nothing wrong with her.

But Dr. G told her "I can continue to be your doctor all through your college years, I treat my patients until they're 21.  Call me any time if you need me."

but two months later, in May 2009, I got a letter saying he'd closed up his practice.  No reason was given. 

We haven't, thank G-d, had a medical issue since then.  Jen had an ER visit last sumer (turned out to be nothing) and a trip to the school infirmary (more nothing) but Becca hasn't had so much as a scratch. 

But now Becca is getting ready for college.  She needs her immunization records.  She needs a physical.  She needs a menengitis vaccine.

And so, for the first time in her life, Becca will have a primary care doctor who is not a pediatrician, who hasn't known her since the day she was born. 

One more piece of her childhood is gone...

Extra Responsibilities

This is Ora reporting for our dear Margalit, who once again has taken a turn for the worse and is in the hospital.  Yuk!!

So Ora has extra responsibilities.  Why?  Because I am Margalit's health care proxy.  And by the way, everyone is really worried about the Boy and the Girl.

What? You don't have a health care proxy?

You simply must take care of this at once- especially if you are single.  A spouse is assumed to be able to make medical decisions for you in cases of emergency, but what if you don't have a spouse (or worse, you do but you don't want him/her making your medical decisions!)

It's a simple form.  Margalit and I did ours through a lawyer, but you can easily download a copy for your state off of the web and get it signed and notarized.  Make sure that you tell the person you've picked what you've done, because they don't have to sign the form.

But in Margalit's case, the hospital (her standard one) was very concerned about the Boy since he was just recently released from a hospitalization to change his meds and we are all worried that he won't take the meds and won't go to his day program (he's started down that road already).

And, of course, the girl is very upset too.

And poor Ora is trying to manage all the stuff going on in her life, run to the hospital every day, check on the Boy and the Girl and juggle calls to and from the hospital. 

Rosie, though, always comes through in an emergency.  She received the first phone call from the hospital looking for me and gave them my cell number.  She offered to give up going to one of her drivers' ed classes to ease up on running around time.

The first night it seemed on the dire side for Margalit, but she is much better now.  The seizure didn't cause too many lasting effects- but she needed to be in the hospital anyway to deal with her congestive heart failure.  I think that she'll be there for a while.

Meanwhile, Ora is trying to juggle better.

When you can't predict the problem

My son has a friend with Aspergers. He has other problems too, but Aspergers is the one that is blamed for his behavior when it leans perilously over the edge of normality. Since this friend T is over 19 years old, he doesn't recieve any services for his issues because our state has cut mental health care to the bone and beyond. As is, Department of Mental Health? Gone.

Anyhow, yesterday afternoon I got a phone call from T's mom, and she was not a happy camper. Seems T has stolen her checkbook and wrote out a bunch of checks he tried to cash. And he convinced my daughter and her boyfriend to drive him into the "ghetto" to various western union stores to try and cash said checks. Now the Mom didn't know about the driving part. She had no clue as to how her son went all over Cambridge and Boston when she started investigating. And she called me because T threw my son under the bus and blamed him for the whole thing.

Except, my son is dysgraphic and doesn't know cursive. He can't even sign his OWN signature, never mind make out a check. I asked about the handwriting and she said that T implied that my daughter had written out the checks. But she can't STAND T and she isn't a moron and knows about banking. No way would she have taken part in this.

Am I ticked that this kid blamed both of my kids for this crime? Well, yes, but he has apergers and a lot of his issues are not understanding rules and regulations. Which is why he is NOT allowed on our property anymore. No way would I let him in the house.

After talking at length to both of my kids, I got the whole story. Of course, my son lied for his friend, but when confronted with what his sister said, he came clean. And now he's ticked off at T (thank goodness) and realizes that T isn't a good friend. So there is that!

But what I got out of this whole experience was how sad this poor mom was. She knows her kid is in trouble and yet there is nothing she can do about it because help costs hundreds of thousands of dollars and only Dr Phil can afford it. That's why those families go on his show and bare their souls. I honestly don't know when it became OK to just stop caring for our mentally ill chilcfen. Oh, I"m lying. I do know. Ronald Reagan decided that government didn't need to care for the mentally ill anymore. His government decided that families should take care of thes children, except it's just too hard. To live in conflict every day of your life his so stressful, and as your kids get older thay also get more creative about self-medicating. Not a good situation.

I wish I could help T's mom, but the truth is, my hands are so full with my own son, currently in the hospital again, that I can't really reach out to her. If I could, I would. 

I'd Walk Away From This Deal or Why I Won't Deal with the Mass. RMV

------An extra post not really about teenagers, but about other tribulations of a mid-century modern mom.

Ora just bought herself a new toy car.  It's a 2010 Toyota Prius.

Rosie adores it and is looking forward six years to college graduation when she can potentially call this car her own.

The car was ordered before ora took off on her Spanish adventure.  And then she waited.

Last week, Ora was home sick with (the flu??) and she finally (only about a month) got the call that her car was here, and when was she going to bring into the dealer the check and the title for the Suburu.  Because this was a cash deal, but some of it involved trading in deceased hubbie's manual transmission station wagon- which Ora does not like to drive (but can), but also that Abe can't drive at all.  Why keep this as a second car under these circumstances?

Ora couldn't just run over to the Toyota dealer because the check had to be certified from the bank (and not a personal check).  But Ora's bank is near work, and she is sick- and not going near work for several more days.  But this wasn't a (serious) problem since there was another branch not too far away.  Okay.

And the title for the Suburu was in the fire-safe box at home (instead of in the safe deposit box at yet another bank).

So Ora is at the dealer the next day and handing over the check and the car title.

BUT...... (and there's always a but)

When the Suburu was re-titled several months before into Ora's name alone (from joint ownership with deceased hubbie), this had been a problem experience with the (shudder) Massachusetts Registry of Motor Vehicles (the RMV).

And by the time that the new title was written, Ora had mistakenly said that the mileage on the Suburu was higher than the real reading on the odometer.

So when it came time to hand in this title and trade in the car, the title STILL had a higher mileade than the odometer.

 

Oops!

The dealer says (to Ora) that you need to go to the RMV and get s new title on this trade-in.

NO WAY!!!

Ora says that she will walk away from buying her new toy car if she has to deal with the Massachusetts RMV.

And the dealer just looked at Ora like she was a crazy lady, even though she offered to write an affadavit saying that she made a mistake with the title mileage.

But Ora is sick- and even if she weren't, dealing with the RMV is enough to make anyone sick.  And it would require at least three visits (because it always does)- or more, and a lot of wasted time to resolve the issue.

[Keep repeating: Ora will NOT drive herself nuts in dealing with the RMV!]

And lo and behold, if Ora signed some magic document form, this could be dealt with (by the dealer) without Ora having to personally deal with the RMV (shudder).
 
The dealer threatened an additional charge for this service, but that didn't get passed along.  There was already a fee (or two) on the new car for the dealer to deal with the RMV.

The end of the story is that Ora has her brand new car and she held her ground and didn't have to personally deal with the dreaded Massachusetts RMV.  the RMV is enough to make you sick all over again!

What to say?

When you're short and rounded and marry a man who's tall and skinny, you kinda hope your children will take after their father, not you. At least, that's how it's been for me.

For most of my life I've hovered just over the ideal weight range and only with hard work do I get below this. Sadly my Em is almost identical in size. She's not fat, but she isn't slim either. She's 'rounded'.

I was talking to a friend last night who had just been shopping with her 13 year old daughter, who is similarly neither fat nor slim, for this season's swimming costume. While our daughters can wear outfits that flatter their fit and healthy bodies, swimming costumes, well, they don't cover much do they? We got to talking about how difficult it is to tactfully tell our daughters that something that looks great on skinny girls, looks a little less fantastic on them.

How do you tell your daughter (who doesn't want to hear it) that the little denim short shorts that look great on skinny legs, only serve to highlight thighs that rub together? How do you tell your daughter that these oh, so popular shorts, also cause muffin top? Then there's the problem of buying appropriate tops. There's unflattering cuts, gaping necklines, lack of length...and on the problems go. All with attendant problem description difficulties for mothers who want their daughters to wear clothes that fit in with current trends and look better than disastrous.

AND we don't want to sap our girls of what little self esteem they may be hanging on to during these hormonal teenage years of angst. Nor do we want them to dive into the dark world of anorexia and bulimia in an attempt to gain fashionably acceptable bodies.

I haven't always succeeded in walking this tightrope tactfully. I haven't always succeeded in having Em wear clothes that don't look disastrous on her - thankfully, at 16, she has developed an awareness of what works for her figure and what doesn't. I have no solutions to offer for this parenting dilemma, I just wanted to acknowledge the problem exists for many of us.

Home Alone

Margalit's kids are home alone.  Margalit is back in the hospital to try to figure out why she keeps having to go into the hospital.  Of course, what was supposed to have been 2 days at a major Boston hospital has now been extended to 8-9 days.  But the Boy and the Girl have been by themselves, with drop ins from lots of adults checking on them.

Ora can report that the house had not been destroyed and that the kids were not fighting with each other- although we won't talk about the pile of dirty dishes in the sink!

Even though Margalit's kids drive her absolutely crazy, they seem to have risen to the unfortunately more frequent occasion and are growing up.  Wow.

Hopefully, she'll be released soon, with some answers.  She is okay, but everything is just taking lots longer than it should.  And while Margalit is luxuriating in the spa known as Brigham & Womens, she has had more than her share of bloggable moments, mostly centered on the elderly roommates that she has had to endure.  It seems that if you are sick and old in the Boston area, you get a free pass to yell at any nurse or aide for any reason, preferably in a language other than English.  Regardless of what your original language is the ability to understand simple compounds in English is beyond the capabilities of her roommates.  The best was the Portuguese lady who didn't know that you had to push a button to answer the phone!  Margalit will hopefully be back at full strength in the coming weeks.  But meanwhile, the Boy and the Girl will continue to do her proud as they show their independence.

Flu is looming, I fear

Worry is the misuse of the imagination.

That said, I'm feeling vulnerable, slightly under the weather with allergies or a slight cold. Late night last night didn't help, but couldn't be avoided.

Meanwhile, La Petite seems healthy, but knows of at least two cases of H1N1 on her campus. I want to send her a care package of hand sanitizer, tissues, and vitamin C, but I'm pretty sure she has a good supply of all three. I just want her to stay healthy. Last year's bout of mononucleosis set her back a bit, but ultimately couldn't keep her down.

Husband has been under the weather, too -- so much so that I made him take his temperature yesterday to rule out a fever. Coughing, exhausted, and more, but no fever: thank goodness for small favors.

Amigo? He's worried; worried enough to actually want a flu shot. For a 17-year-old, that's significant.  I just hope his fear doesn't become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I wash my hands almost obsessively at school and catch myself sanitizing desks, tables, and science equipment that I've rarely cleaned in the past. It's just the idea that each vial or bottle or tray that gets handled by two or three kids spreads the germs from those young scientists to two or three more. The computer lab scares me; I check for tissues first thing on the mornings we use the lab. My class washes their hands or uses hand sanitizer before they go in to type.

If everyone's healthy, why do I worry? Well, one third of my class was out with flu-like symptoms today. Last week I had five or six gone every day.  A high school near us closed for two days when 40% of their students became ill. If my class is any indication, we may reach that point soon.

While worry may be the misuse of the imagination, imagining the worst may actually help me avoid it -- knock on wood, crossing fingers and toes, loading up the Neti Pot and sipping hot cider.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Back to School

Today's post will be a collection of thoughts about the beginning of the school year.

It's so nice not to be the only one up in the morning.  Rosie comes over and gives Mom a hug before eating breakfast.

Oh, no.  Now I need to get serious in thinking about Abe's future!

But he's doing so great at his internship....  

Is he going to be ready to take on a full college workload- with ot without supports?  Will he avail himself of those supports?  Is he going to be able to live independently in a college dorm?

Shopping for a few new things for Rosie is so much fun (especially after Wendy went through her clothes and got her to see that she really only needed a few things!)

Mom (a chemist by training) gets to be a Chemistry tutor to Rosie and friends this year.  (Is that a good or a bad?  I'm afraid it might get ugly.)

Whining about homework (from Rosie).

Writing a half dozen small (ish) checks to the school for this book or that lab kit.

But a great thing, is that, during the school year, Rosie actually talks to me.  True, it's only about the academic side of things and not any of the personal stuff, but I'll take what I can get.