Mid-CenturyModernMoms

Parental nightmares

When you send a child off to college, to live in a dorm away from home, you expect that there will be issues.  Your child has to learn to take care of him or herself without your supervision, maybe do chores that you would have done at home, organize his/her time, learn to live with roommates, deal with homesickness, loneliness and all the stuff that just goes along with being 18.  the usual ups and downs, the stuff you've seen me blog about as my girls explore college life.

 

You expect that your child will be safe at his/her school, that school security makes the campus a safe haven for students.  You expect that difficulties with roommates can be resovled, that the residential life staff can come to the aid of kids who are having difficulties adjusting to dorm life, that everyone will get along. 

 

I guess that's why recent news stories sent shivers up my spine.

 

A shooting spree at the University of Texas.    Fortunately the gunman didn't shoot anyone except himself..  Reminded me of what happened at Virginia Tech a couple of years ago, but with a better outcome.

 

A shooting at a Seton Hall frat party left a young woman dead and several other party goers injured.  the gunman had been denied entrance to the party and just randomly shot party guests in retaliation.

 

But the one that scared me the most....what happened at Rutgers.  It was national news.  A young man committed suicide by jumping off the George Washington Bridge.  Seems the young man's roommate and another student thought it would be "fun" to secretly videotape the young man's sexual encounters and broadcast the video on the Internet.  I suppose they thought it would be "amusing" because the victim happened to be gay.    the result -- one student dead, two others facing up to five years in jail for their "prank".

 

such a horrible invasion of privacy by the stranger you happen to be living with.

 

I cannot imagine being the parent of one of the victims.

 

 

And I cannot imagine being the parent of one of the perpetrators. 

 

As much as you hope you your children remain safe and happy outside of your presence, you  also have to be concerned that your children absorbed the morals you tried to teach them, that they are caring and compassionate and that they exercise good judgment.

 

It's a scary world out there.

 

 

cross posted at Songbird's Crazy World

Freaking Out

Rosie just started her junior year of high school, 11th grade.  In some countries, this is the last year of high school, but in the US, we have 2 more to go (including this one).

But she's already freaking out over where to go to college, but even more so over her classes this year.

To start with she didn't get the Ceramics teacher that she wanted (and had had the last 2 years).  She got the mean one.  Who everyone else is transferring out of the class.  And she was supposed to TA (teaching assist) for this woman.    So she tried to switch her amth class with her ceramics class- because that was the best blaock of classes to switch into the good teacher's class- but the honors math class was all filled up there- and Rosie was actually the 2nd person on the wait list for that class.

Then, she was freaking out that she didn't understand her Honors Biology and it was going to be too much memorization, and....  So I got her to go talk to the teacher- who basically said, if you think that this is hard now, you'd better drop down to college prep Bio.

So Rosie is then freaking out because she's dropping one of her honors classes and she has friends who are taking 4 of them, and she's never going to get into a good university ..... etc....

And then because she's freaking out, she is having trouble falling asleep.  So a few nights of giving her Benadryl (and it not working), she starts crawling into bed with me.  Which wouldn't be a problem except that the first few nights she tried this, she kept getting up to go back to her bed- and then coming back a few hours later...  So I was very tired- and she wasn't getting a lot of sleep either.  Now she's just coming to my bed for the night.  After all of her switches get taken care, I think (hope) that she'll calm down and I'll edge her out again.

And then there was going to 4 bookstores to get a book assigned for her English class. All of the local ones were sold out!  But she's doing her homework now, and I jsut get to guess what the next trauma will be.

college update

"...it's late September and I really should be back at school...." (five points to the person who recognizes that lyric)

Well, it's that time of year again -- the time of year when every conversation with one of my daughters must always include the question "Mom, can you put money in my bank account?"  Yep, the National Bank of Mom is once again open for business.

Jen has settled into the school year very nicely.  but that's to be expected, it's her junior year, and much of her school routine is old and familiar.  Her new adventure this year is living off campus and finally having a room of her own, one without a sister or roommate.  Of course, that means she has to cook for herslef (no more dining hall) and she has to leave herself time to get to class (no more rolling out of bed and into a classroom, it's a 20-minute drive to school).    She's completed most of her required core courses, though she is taking her lab science class this semester, and most of her program consists of  courses in her major and electives.

Becca has taken to college life like a fish to water.   She loves everything about it!  Her on-campus housing is not a traditional dorm; rather, the housing is set up as apartments complete with full kitchen.  Freshmen are required to be on a meal plan, but the food in the cafeteria is less than wonderful, so she's learning to shop for and feed herself -- though she did have to call home to leanr how to make a cup of tea when she didn't have access to a microwave.  she loves her classes, and has already told me how much she appreciates some of her high school AP teachers -- she feels they did an excellent job of preparing her for college.    And I love to hear her talk about the city -- in a matter of three weeks she sounds like she's been living in the city her whole life.  She oh-so-nonchalantly describes taking the subway to visit her best friend at another university, or how she and a few freidns went to Lincoln Center and sat outside the opera house listening to Carmen and eating gelato, or how they walked around the Village or went out for sushi....

I finally got to hear all the details about the room mate who moved out....I thought it was the girl from Florida, but it turns out, the girl who moved out is from New Jersey.  Apparently the young lady really didn't want to live on campus and her parents pushed her.  She started crying and carrying on about being homesick the day she moved into the apartment, almost from the moment her parents left.  She was gone within two days, having converted her status from "resident" to "commuter", and she'll be travelling to school from New Jersey every day.

I feel bad for the girl, of course....but Becca was in a "forced triple" bedroom (a room designed for two but with a third girl squeezed in), and now she's in a double.  I can't feel bad about that.  Guess it's all part of the college experience.

but my girls are doing well, enjoying their busy lives as college students. 

and I'm getting used to the quiet in the house.

cross posted at Songbird's Crazy World

New Beginnings

The new Jewish year has truly been a new beginning for our family.  In the same week as Rosh Hashanah, Abe started college and Rosie started her junior year of high school (read the crunch year).  And in the few weeks before that, the car that Abe had been driving quit and we had to get a new old car for him quickly, and there was a quick trip to California for a wedding. Rosie continued seeing and her camp boyfriend and Ora started a relationship too.

So a lot has changed for us.  Hopefully you'll excuse me for not having written in a few weeks.

Abe is doing pretty well at college, but he just got hit with a writing assignment- and writing is NOT his strength.  He got one paragraph done on it and then sat spinning his wheels.  I suggested that he go to the writing lab for help in between classes, but he instead went off to find a quiet place.  I'll have to find a way of getting him to get the help he desperately needs for writing.

This isn't a new problem, by any means, but I don't think that he realizes how big a problem it really can be even for someone in engineering or computers.

Rosie is already stressed out by school.  To start with, she didn't get into the ceramics class that she wanted.  She hates the teacher that she got and hasn't been able to transfer to the one that she likes.  Turns out that almost everyone is transferring out of this teacher's class!

And now she's going to transfer down out of Honors Biology into standard college prep Bio.  She thinks that she's a failure and is comparing herself against friends who are in 4 Honors classes, while she'll only be in Honors Math.

Considering that math was NOT my best subject, I'm pretty sure that my little girl will still get into top rated colleges and be able to study whatever she wants to do.  Something that she's not at all certain about right now.  But in her, I see myself at that age- certain that my life choices depend on the choices that I was about to make right at that time!

Another new beginning, was the wedding that we went to in California.  It was totally stressful to just go for the weekend, but we didn't want to miss more of work or school.  But the wedding was wonderful (if not exactly our style) and we love the groom (a cousin) and are growing to love the bride.  And it was great to see so much family all in one place- including a 100 year old patriarch!

But our beginnings have been hectic.  I hope that the next few weeks settle down a bit.

Never too Old for One on One Time

Your babies are never too old to schedule some one on one time with them.  In fact, you aren't too old to schedule some time with YOUR parents.  Dad and I have had great times when we've come on vacations together, either just us, or with a whole mess of other relatives.  Do it before it's too late!

So your babies, who are now strapping big men or lovely young ladies, still need to be shown that they are important to you with some time alone with Mom.

So I took most of a day off of work and we went to the Museum of Science.  Since both of both are geeks, we love this place.  We were planning on going to a cousin's house at the beach, but she switched the day to Saturday.  This day wasn't a great beach day, anyway.

Abe wanted to see a special exhibit on whales, so we went right there and we both had a good time- but separately reading everything and playing with the toys, er computer terminals.  Then we saw a live animal show on owls and went home.

So on Saturday, we went to the beach and played around in the sand.  It was actually a perfect day- but a bit chilly for being at the beach.  Abe did some boogie boarding for a while, but i just stayed on the beach and talked to my cousin.  After Abe came back, he took part in the conversation and later we all went out to dinner. 

So you don't have to entertain those older kids in quite the same way as the younger ones, but it's still nice to spend the time side by side.

The Start of Starting College

My baby is growing up (waaah). {Hush up, silly lady, your baby is 19 years old, almost 6 feet tall and over 200 pounds, of course, he's all grown up.}

But Abe is starting to do things that he needs to do / get before starting college in the fall.

We went to the wireless store and got him a cell phone.  A simple, basic model was what he wanted.  No texting (although maybe eventually GPS).  I showed him how to program some numbers in it, but he hasn't been much interested in playing around with it (unlike Rosie).

He received (from me, thank you) a laptop computer and a cool, red, wireless mouse.  But so far, computers are for playing games on and the desktop has a large screen.  We haven't even loaded the software package yet!

He took himself to the college and took his placement tests in the disability services office (I'm going to have to figure out a shorter name for that place). And then he called up (with some prompting) to get his scores and made an appointment to go in there and pick his classes.

Figuring out how to pick classes at a school is always an adventure! And I'm wondering when I'll get the tuition bill!!

And he's getting himself up and to where he needs to be at the correct times (with a little guidance from mom)- at least in the mornings.  Since we've been home from vacation he's had 2 doctor's appointments, the placement testing, the class picking, a group orientation and his construction helper's job.

So far, I'm giving him organizing hints.  He'll let me know when he doesn't need them anymore (probably loudly). 

I'm so proud of him!!!

First Time Voter

Abe supposedly registered to vote through the Motor Voter Law when he received his license earlier this year (after his 18th birthday).  But this being the state with the most messed up Registry of Motor Vehicles AND living in a city that seems to make up its own rules as they go along....

Let's just say that when Mom went to check that Abe was on the voter rolls, he wasn't.

So Mom gets the voter registration form

Registering to Vote

You must be registered in order to vote. Qualifications: a citizen of the United States, a legal resident of Newton, and 18 years old on or before election day. (There is no waiting period). You must be registered to vote 20 days prior to an election in order to vote in that election. Download the Voter Registration Form from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts here You can register to vote either in person at the Election Commission Office, Room 106, Newton City Hall, or by mail. Mail-in voter registration forms are available at the Newton Free Library and at all branch libraries.

 and then the absentee ballot request form.

Absentee Ballots

Absentee ballots must be requested in writing and require an original signature. E-mail requests or faxes are not acceptable. For further information regarding absentee ballots click here Absentee ballots can be voted over-the-counter at the Election Commission, Room 106 of City Hall, 1000 Commonwealth Avenue, during regular office hours. Absentee ballots can also be obtained, and voted, through the mail: to request an absentee ballot, send a written request to the Election Commission. Please include in your request your Newton address, the address of where you would like the ballot sent, and the election(s) for which you require absentee ballots. Requests for absentee ballots may be made up until noon of the day before the election. (However, as a practical matter, if you want the ballot sent outside of Newton, you may want to request the ballot further in advance, so as to allow time for delivery.) It is possible to have a standing order so that absentee ballots for all the elections that you are eligible to vote in are sent are sent to you for up to one year.

Hmmmm.  Do you see a pattern here?  But Abe was interested in voting (once Mom brought up the issue) and finally he was home and the absentee ballot was also there.  But Abe didn't know much about any of the multitudes of races to be voted on. (And frankly neither did Ora.)

But Mom had saved pages from the local newspaper where the candidates had written position statements and gave them to Abe to read.   For instance:

Newton TAB School Committee endorsements: Our choice for our schools in 2010

Like a great baseball team, a great School Committee needs a mixture of players with different skills and abilities. Fortunately for Newton, the 2009 lineup of candidates is the strongest we’ve seen in years.

On Nov. 3, voters across the city will have the chance to choose from a roster of veterans and rookies as well as a business and finance expert, a structural engineer and a software executive — and in choosing our endorsements we have done just that: selected a mix of skills designed to serve the challenges we now face.

The TAB commends all the candidates for running this year and hopes those not elected next month find other ways to serve our school community. The selection was not easy, but here are our endorsements for your 2010-2012 Newton School Committee:

 And read them, he did.  And then he voted.  And we mailed in the ballot.

I'm so proud!!!

A Useful Kid to have around

Margalit is still being  held hostage by the big Boston hospital that she checked into last week to undergo a simple procedure.  Margalit should know that NOTHING is simple regarding her body, but especially that, if she drives herself to the hospital- she will ALWAYS be there MUCH longer than expected.  This has happened often enough to be a tried and true rule.

But she is still checking up on The Boy and The Girl, along with a host of other adults.

But in Ora's world, a disaster happened.  The TV decided to stop working.  But not so completely that you know that the TV died, no this is more complicated.  Part of the input via the cable (FIOS) works, (you can see the channel guide) but you can't watch anything on TV or worse, anything that was stored on the DVR!!!  

The TV showed something like this, but with different colors!!

So Margalit's Boy is a cabling guru.  He came over to take a look at the 2 loose cables hanging out and see if anything could be done.

But alas, nothing is easy in Ora's world and the Boy couldn't figure it out- not even after looking at the manual!!!  (And the other TV in the house, also on FIOS and DVR, works just fine!)

So we know that it's NOT the main router coming into the house.

So we descended into the dread world of Verizon customer support.

But once we actually got to a real-live (as opposed to computer response) person, things got better.  The Boy and the voice talked cable this and HDMI that and coax and....... And understood each other.  And made Ora's TV all better.

It turns out that Ora's cable box wanted a little vacation, just like Ora had last week and it needed to have its cables pulled and reset and whatever.

So all's well that ends well.  The Boy got a few bucks for 1/2 hours work, Ora got a working TV and the Boy is signed up as the resident TV geek- and everyone is happy (even Margalit from her hostage hospital bed).

Mom's back!

  
Ora is back from her wonderful adventure in Spain!!!  (pictures to follow)

Rosie squeezed her mom soooooo hard when they got together.  Rosie had an emotional rough week staying with her cousins.  She adores little Tree, but the parents, especially the mother N, produce a lot of stress.

These cousins are in the final stages of building a house- and of course, every detail must be perfect.  Well, the contractor finally had enough and quit.  Rosie and Tree were out apple picking and had to come home all in a rush.  That's all that I really know, but Rosie was very happy to be home into her own world.

Our cousins loved having Rosie stay with them.  But Rosie doesn't want this sort of thing to happen too often (once a year is okay).

Now for the pictures:

travelling business class to the way to go

Barcelona is lovely, but has some totally crazy buldings from its signature architech, Antonini Gaudi

La Pedera.  I think this looks like a droopy mushroom, but the curves are supposed to be able the sea.

 Gaudi's great cathedral, Sangra Famalia- still a work in progress after 80 years.  It will need at least 40 more to complete.

 The Barcelona signature frog/dragon at the entrance to Park Guell.

 

The chimneys of the Casa Batlio.  Gaudi almost never used straight lines for anything!!

Roman walls

Flamenco dancing  (but don't eat the supper buffet- I got food poisoning)

and lots of other interesting street sights.

 
 
 With friends on the southwest coast of Spain

Guadelest- a fortress

And then back to reality.
 

Home Alone

Margalit's kids are home alone.  Margalit is back in the hospital to try to figure out why she keeps having to go into the hospital.  Of course, what was supposed to have been 2 days at a major Boston hospital has now been extended to 8-9 days.  But the Boy and the Girl have been by themselves, with drop ins from lots of adults checking on them.

Ora can report that the house had not been destroyed and that the kids were not fighting with each other- although we won't talk about the pile of dirty dishes in the sink!

Even though Margalit's kids drive her absolutely crazy, they seem to have risen to the unfortunately more frequent occasion and are growing up.  Wow.

Hopefully, she'll be released soon, with some answers.  She is okay, but everything is just taking lots longer than it should.  And while Margalit is luxuriating in the spa known as Brigham & Womens, she has had more than her share of bloggable moments, mostly centered on the elderly roommates that she has had to endure.  It seems that if you are sick and old in the Boston area, you get a free pass to yell at any nurse or aide for any reason, preferably in a language other than English.  Regardless of what your original language is the ability to understand simple compounds in English is beyond the capabilities of her roommates.  The best was the Portuguese lady who didn't know that you had to push a button to answer the phone!  Margalit will hopefully be back at full strength in the coming weeks.  But meanwhile, the Boy and the Girl will continue to do her proud as they show their independence.