Mid-CenturyModernMoms

Catching up with life

I haven't posted here for a long time. It's not due to anything outrageous or frightening. In fact, it's due to the basic situation of our collective lives here in Margalitaville that have not changed much. The girl has finished all her college applications at long last, and is working hard in school to get good grades for her last semester there. We're about to order her cap and gown, and I'm working on finding as many local scholarships for her to apply to, while I finish up the big applications.

Her brother still does nothing but sleep all day, but he has agreed to do some stuff to alleviate his poor situation soon. It's not going to be an easy fix, but for a while he'll at least be working toward a goal instead of sleeping his life away.

I'm pretty healthy considering the 7 week hospital stay, and everyone seems to be pleased with my ability to stay OUT of the hospital right now. I'm doing the best I can, but it sure isn't easy and I spend way too much time dealing with health-care for my own taste. At the new year I was switched to a new health care insurance company by Medicare, and that has proven totally disastrous. I've never seen a major American corporation that  cannot solve any problems so they just ignore them. I had to go as far as the insurance commissioner to get my prescription for my test strips and needles. Either I'm the only diabetic that CIGNA has ever dealt with, or they are collective morons, because they have been trying to fill this prescription for TWO MONTHS and still do not have it right. TWO MONTHS to send me a freaking box of needles that can ONLY be used for an insulin pen and test strips for a glucose monitor. How hard is this? Evidentially way too hard. They make Dell customer service look like a rapid response team of experts, and we all know about Dell!

We have experienced boyfriend breakups and finding new love, and girlfriend rethinking and also finding new love. While I'm quite fond of the new boyfriend, who is a great kid, I'm a bit less thrilled about the girlfriend. She's nice enough, But you know how moms always hope for something better when it comes to their son's friends. I can't help it, I see him with someone a little less goth and a little more kempt. So sue me!

The girl has gone through a boyfriend that I couldn't stand, and I made it two years and was still polite to him up to the end. But I gotta admit, I'm glad he's gone. This new guy is already well established in college, he's smart and funny and an overall nice kid. I see him as a vast improvement over the last guy, and so dies she. She's so much happier with the new guy.

But the Boy's girlfriend is needy and a bit overprotected by her mom. He told me recently that girlfriend was way too high maintenance for him, which totally cracked me up because he is the most high maintenance person EVER. Bar none. So that was really hilarious.

As soon as school is over we're moving out of this city and someplace markedly cheaper. We have our eyes on a couple of cities with better weather and better costs, and that will make things so much easier for us. I mean, disposable income! Not having to count every penny. Not having to say "no" all the time. We'll still be poor, but compared to right now, it will be so much easier on us all.

Miscellany Update

There's been a lot going on in my house.

For one thing, I now own 2 houses!!!  I closed on the condo within the past 2 weeks and at the same time was encouraged by the realtor to significantly drop the price on the house (which I did).  So we had some showings on the house (and supposedly setting up a 2nd showing) and painting and cleaning has begun on the condo.

But Rosie is totally tired on keeping the house clean enough for the open houses and showing!!!

The next open house is just after we leave..... on vacation!!!

The kids and mom will be sharing a cell-sized room (with a balcony) on a cruise!!! 

 We are going to Mexico and we'll see Mayan ruins and then go swimming with the dolphins and also doing lots of suntanning and relaxing!!!  Abe wants to try out a casino.  I told him that we could go do it together.  Rosie is interested in the pool.  And we are all interested in getting away from the cold in the Northeast US. 

One problem, we have to fly through Washington, DC and we're praying that the flights are back to normal.

 

In other news, Abe didn't get into one of his (3) schools, but he did get into the local college.  Since that's where I thought that he would go anyway, that's a big relief.

One Thin Envelope

One thin envelope arrived for Abe the other day... from one of the colleges that he applied to. 

Oh, did Mom want to open up that envelope and find out what was inside of it.

But Abe was coming home from school the next evening...

But I needed to call him to remind him to bring a certain item home....  So I did.  And then I casually mentioned that there was an envelope here at home for him from BSC and did he want me to open it up.

(Think, think).  What type of envelope?  Thin.  Is that usually good news?  "No", I replied.  Then it can wait until I get home.

Fast forward a day and he's home and Mom is so anxious to find out what is inside of the envelope.  But no, Abe is more interested in everything else that I have waiting for him, a book, a magazine....

Finally he opens it up, but then he gets a puzzled expression on his face.  It's not what we thought it was (or feared it might be).  But as of 10 days prior, the school had still not received his transcripts.  I thought that they had gone out right before winter break, but...., or maybe it just hadn't been filed and checked off as complete.  When I called the school after the weekend, that turned out to be the case.  They had the transcript now and this was just a

FALSE ALARM.

So we go back to waiting to here from any and all of the three schools that Abe applied to.  And I bounce around mentally trying to decide whether it would be best for him to live at home or go away to school.  I don't have an answer to that one yet, and I don't have the options yet, either.

Looking Forward to College: Part 1

Happy Birthday to Abe (for Sunday).  He is 19!!!

Abe went to college open house last weekend. 

And he also got a huge scare.

BSC only houses around 50% of its students, the rest mostly being commuters with a few living just off-campus.  But Abe wouldn't go here unless he got housing.  But it was stated at the open house (and true for all Massachusetts state schools) that if an applicant is accepted Early Action, s/he has a much greater chance of getting housing than those students that wait for general decision.

The deadline for getting the application in for Early Action is...... TODAY!!!!

Luckily, the application is on-line and they allow all of the supplementary documents to come in after the deadline (like the HS transcript and the SAT scores).

So rush, rush, rush.  Abe has written an essay- for the common college application (which BSC does not take) but it's at school and not at home, so there were arrangements to be made to get it emailed to mom and then Mom to press the send button. (done)

Eeek.  But then I get into a funk, can Abe actually handle college?  Sometimes I think yes, and sometimes I think no.  Time will tell.

To be continued.....

Psssst -- it's the PSAT

Those of you who know me well know that I am caught between a rock and a hard place while I watch time fly by as we move inexorably closer to "the big one."

You know ... the BIG one.

The day she graduates from high school. The day she goes away to college. The day my day-to-day childrearing comes to an end.

Color me freaked out.

I know I have played this tune before and I still have another 2 1/2 years to go, but something happened on Saturday that made me realize just how close it is.

The Roo-girl took the PSAT.

This is the beginning of the beginning. The preliminary step toward the college applications. The first baby step toward the first day of the rest of her life.

MY BAYBEEEE!!!!

The taking of the exam ("The longest test I ever took in my whole life!!!!!") prompted some conversation about where she wants to go to school.

The answer?

Out of state.

Why?

Because she wants the experience of going away before she returns to the fold.

"I love California, Mom," she told me. "I will always come back here."

Whew!

Solve the immediate problem, work out the cause later

Sometimes I think I present a sanitized version of myself via my blogs posts, todays post shows me in a more realistic light!

On Monday morning I was making a concerted effort to have us all out the door a little earlier than usual - or on time at least. For some reason we're always just a few minutes late on Mondays, and on Mondays I'm responsible for opening up the cashier',s office at work. While I usually manage to sail in right on the dot of 8.30am, I feel the passive aggressive disapproval that is shot in my direction. The fact that I never leave on time, that I'm early every other day of the week, that I have a shorter lunch break to cover the passive aggressives who sneak an extra 5 minutes on to their lunch break, is not taken into account. On Monday mornings I feel the barbs of thought.

Anyway, at home on Monday morning I'd bustled around the kitchen and made everyone's lunch - rolls for the teens, leftovers to be reheated for me - and left them on the bench to be collected and put in bags as they went past on the way to the front door.  As I was gathering my bag and keys Davey looked at my tupperware container on the bench and tentatively asked if that was his lunch.  "Um, no.  That's mine" I replied, puzzled as to why he'd bother asking, as leftovers needing reheating are not something suitable for his lunchbox.  Puzzlement didn't slow me down one little bit as I kept on track of getting out of the house and thus to work.  At the front door I could hear Davey vigorously shaking his money box in his bedroom.  "What are you doing Davey?  We have to go!" I called with some impatience.

Davey duly appeared, we all piled into the car and headed off to school.

At lunch time, Em who attends the school I work at, came and showed me two bread rolls.  "How come I have two rolls today Mum?"  "Did you pick up Davey's as well?" I asked.  "No, they're both mine - they both have peanut butter and jam."  As Davey opts for just peanut butter, the only explanation for Em having two rolls was that one had remained in her bag uneaten and had just surfaced and gained her lunch time attention.  I didn't think too much more about it.

That afternoon Davey said "Oh, by the way, you forgot to make me a lunch today!"  He said in an amused tone, rather than accusatory, yet I still don't think he expected my laughter.  I explained about Em and her two rolls and he understood that it was his elder sister's thievery rather than my neglect which left him lunchless.  

 "Did you take money from you money box to buy lunch?" I asked, the reasons for his actions that morning dawning on me.  Davey nodded and smiled.  "Oh.  Was I stressing too much for you to tell me there was a lunch problem?" I asked.  "Ohhh, you were alright Mum, but I knew it would be simpler if I just dealt with it myself" was Davey's soothing reply.

I smiled wryly and hugged my boy.  He was right.  I would have flapped about saying I'd made his lunch, I didn't know where it was, he must have already put it in his bag, I had left it on the bench, did I have to do everything?, had he checked with Em? did she have it?, I didn't have time for this, stressy yada, stressy yada, stressy yada.

Davey going to his money box really was the simplest solution.  I was quite happy to reimburse him the money, and while I hate to think there are times I'm not a cool, calm, collected Mum, I like that Davey came up with a no fuss solution.  I like that he skirted around a difficult person (me) and maintained peace.

While I have to acknowledge how blinkered and unreasonable I can be when I'm stressed, even over minor things, I like how Davey's maturing and dealing with stuff.  Em's always been able to do this, for Davey, it's only happening with maturity.

Oh and on the subject of Em, did she acknowledge she'd accidentally taken Davey's lunch as well as hers?  Um, no.  Despite the damning evidence, Em still maintains her innocence, which Davey & I find hilarious!

Senior Year is a balance breaker.

Have a junior this year? Start saving now. And by saving, I mean putting away a sizeable chunk of change every week, because if you think you got nickled and dimed to death in elementary school, you're not going to believe senior year.

Before school even starts they start with the "BUY THE YEARBOOK NOW" emails and snail mail. Before school even starts, they want a check for $100 for the yearbook. Welcome to senior year.

Most of the dunning I just toss in the circular file. Class rings? TOTAL waste of money. And they cost hundreds of dollars.

Senior portraits? A $35 sitting fee, then offers of packages that run from $295 to over $1000. For a photo of your darling special snowflake taken by a hack photography studio that only does school photos. Our school does not accept any other portraits.

Let's not forget the Prom. $100 per ticket, tux rental at $125+, new shoes, a corsage and lapel flower at around $50, a haircut, makeup, a new dress, underwear, and then there is the freaking transportation. A limo? Could cost every kid $100 just to ride in a limo. One with a fireplace is more.

Oh, how about those prom photos. You know, the posed ones you parents want to put on your coffee table right next to the b'nai mitzvah album and your wedding album? Check out the cost.

Senior Prom Pictures
Prom pictures are from 6:30-7:30 at the Copley before Prom starts.  If you would like pictures taken you must bring a check the night of prom.  Tomorrow, during advisory, a brochure will be passed out with the different photo packages, which range in price from $29-95. 

Cap and gown? $35. And they are ugly and barely clean.

And then there are the guilt costs. In our school we have two papers, the Lion's Roar and the Denabola. Plus we have a local city newspaper. And the yearbook. You get dunned for every single one of those pieces of great literate. They call you on the phone with this whole guilt speech about how you want to honor your graduate with a congratulatory ad in such and such publication. Every parent is doing it, you want to do it too. You're poor? We have tiny ads for your poor people. Look at the costs just for the school papers:
 

Congratulate Your Graduate with an Ad in The Lion's Roar
Our special section devoted solely to the Class of 2009 will be distributed at graduation on June 11; we want to include your tribute to your son or daughter.  A graduation tribute in The Lion's Roar has many advantages:

• No extra charge for photos
• An award-winning design staff that has won major national awards will design your ad at no extra cost
• We distribute at graduation, in school, in the community, and mail home to subscribers

Prices
Full page (11x17): $220 Half page (11x8.5): $170 Quarter page (5.5x8.5): $120Eighth page (5.5x4.25): $80 Ads can be printed in color for 50 percent more than the black and white price. 


Support Your Senior By Advertising in Denebola
Attention parents of seniors! Congratulate your son or daughter on graduating with a Senior Ad in Newton South's Official School newspaper, Denebola, in its award-winning, 64-page graduation issue! Offering the largest-sized ads of any Newton South publication, Denebola's graduation issue will not only be distributed at graduation and in school, but will also be mailed home! Prices start at $65, and we will design your ad for FREE! You can also include as many pictures as you'd like at no extra charge! 

Pricing and Sizes
Back page (11 x 21 in - *Boston Globe Size*) Full Color: $340
Full page (11 x 21 in - *Boston Globe Size*)   B&W: $260 / Color: $300
Half page (11 x 10.5 in)                               B&W: $180 / Color: $215
Quarter page (6 x 10.5 in)                           B&W: $120 / Color: $140
Four by five (4 x 5 in)                                  B&W: $95 / Color: $105
Business Card (3.5 x 1.75 in)                       B&W: $65 / Color: $80
Online Ad (150 x 600 pixels)                        $20 with print ad
Photos (as many as you want)                      FREE!
Design my Ad                                              FREE!
ALL SIZES LISTED AS WIDTH x HEIGHT

I don't even know what the yearbook and city weekly are charging, but I can promise you it's more.

You know what I haven't mentioned yet? The most costly expense of all? The dreaded SAT prep. What a frigging racket. There are a million of the professional places like Kaplan and Score and there are a lot of smaller, private tutoring business that promise more increased points than the professionals. And then there are private tutors that come to your home. Since most juniors take the SAT in June, and then again in October or November, many parents do two rounds of prep. Average prices seems to be $1500 to $3000 per course. Gulp. The schools all offer a prep class but it's not good. Not good at all. Too many kids, too little time, no individualized instruction.

Don't forget the college applications, which can average about $100. Some kids apply to 10 colleges. Not mine! College applications come after college trips to visit various campuses. I don't think this is necessary but I'm apparently in the minority. I never visited any of the three campuses I eventually studied at. And we didn't have the internet way back when, so the only thing we got from the college was the bulletin. It wasn't that interesting. Now there are DVDs and all sorts of web sites and discussion groups for applicants. Since most people do take the trip, don't forget to pack away some bucks for hotels, meals, gas, and college hoodies. One MUST get the hoodie.

Of course, after you've gone completely broke senior year, and are still reeling from all the end of the year activities that are picking your pocket, you kid has to choose where he or she is going to college. And you? You get to write the first of many tuition checks. Jokes on you when you see just how much this is going to cost you.

I'm thinking that plumbers, electricians, and carpenters have the right idea. Because this whole college experience is not for the weak of heart. Believe me on that!

The Skinny On College Tours

By Nina

Oh the things you learn on college tours.  About yourself, about your kid, about the world.  Yes, we're back from a road trip up "nawth" to check out three colleges that couldn't be more different.  One, a technically oriented school in downtown Philadelphia, another, a cozy, small liberal arts college in the middle of nowhere, PA (OK, an hour from Philly, but in truth, the middle of nowhere), the third, a major research university in an upstate NY city in the snow belt.

Full disclosure. I can't afford full tuition for any of these schools. It's going to be all about financial aid, loans and merit scholarships. Mex is only required by our divorce decree to pay for 1/2 the tuition of a GA State University -- roughly $2,167.00, and with our state's "HOPE" scholarship program, any kid who graduates with a B+ average and maintains it in college, gets to go to a state university tuition free. So with a HOPE under his belt, Mex and I would only be splitting the cost of room and board.  It would be like winning the lottery.  So yes, Grumble is applying to 2 GA state schools -- one enthusiastically, the other, a rah-rah football campus with huge classes, with grim resignation.  We just have to. It would be insane not to.

Logic would compel me to limit him to state schools only, but I'm a northern girl, and Jewish to boot, and this is Georgia -- land of football, beer, fraternities and mediocrity in education. So I just feel it's my duty to try to expose him the same options I offered my older son, pre-divorce. It might not be realistic, but it's a justice issue for me.  Unfortunately Mex is not earning what he used to, and that is putting it kindly. We'll do the best we can, we'll try to cover our bases.

But heck, I'm not your average dumb ass Mom, I'm a former college admissions rep -- I know this game and how it's played.  I know it will require massive financial aid, loans, contacts and miracles and finessing relationships to pull this off.  I am riveted on whatever it takes to make my kid a "special case," and with a little coaching from Margalit, I'll do everything in my power, even it means being the Mom from hell, to advocate for a bright-enough but not super-star white kid w/o resources.  It's not going to be easy, but our road trip was part of the learning curve -- a "wake up call" on what I need to do.  I only hope I haven't raised expectations too high.  We talked about this a lot during the car time...there was lots of car time.  I think he knows the bitter truth.

My Truth:  I don't care if Grumble doesn't apply to any of the schools we visited this week. Aside from spending some quantity time with the boy cousins in suburban Philadelphia, my only agenda was to expose Grumble to three outstanding schools that he liked and that are all different.  I wanted him to build up a vocabulary of colleges, to see things beyond his adopted city Atlanta and the GA State system where he will also have to apply.

The car time was great. The actual driving (limited to me because of rental car regs) was horrible, but the opportunity to have 5 hours alone with my kid in a car with XM Radio was golden.  We will never forget listening to comedy channels, Grateful Dead channels, and 70's Rock, scrounging around Syracuse looking for vittles and stumbling on real Italian family cuisine -- which you simply cannot find in the south because there's no critical mass of Catholics. (no pun intended)  That Italian meal in Syracuse was expensive because every plate was meant for sharing, but two entrees a shared sfogliatelle and a double espresso later,  we were in heaven, remembering all the things we miss about the north because we now live in the south.

OK, so here are some of the things I learned about marketing (my profession) a $50,000+ product called college:  This is Marketing 101 with the full court press.  They want you to feel like a small toad, who is begging for admission.  They talk to you in the fanciest place on campus.  They love bomb you with t-shirts, passes to the food court, and exposure to the peppiest, happiest, most successful students they have to be tour guides. Caveat emptor. Buyer beware! 

Keep your eyes open.  At that urban Philadelphia campus I couldn't help but notice the proliferation of emergency "call boxes" around the campus.  An urbanite myself, I wasn't freaked out about it, but ultimateIy discerned that this was a major "talking point" to be massaged by the Admissions Staff and the adorable tour guides.

Tour Guides:  They ARE ALL ADORABLE.  They pick the coolest, most successful, charming, ethnically diverse kids to do this job.  You will love them.  Your kid will love them.  I'm a marketer...I would do this too. 

Surprising Fact:  Colleges publish the Crime Report in their newpapers, because they HAVE TO. The Jeane Cleary Campus Security Act makes it a law.  Since 1992, all colleges have been required by  to compile annual statistics about crime on their campuses and to provide them to their students and staff members. Even the cute little college in the middle of nowhere had a crime blotter in the campus newspaper.  Shit happens.

And so my dear Mid-Century Moms, I'm reporting in from the road of life. College is upon us.  We're doing the best we can down here.  What's your story?

First Steps

Abe (almost 18 yo, PDD, ADHD, NVLD....) is taking his first steps.  (Okay, Ora has totally blown her mind this time.)  These are the first steps towards college.  And believe me, mom is much more worried than when he took those first steps 17 years ago!!

A few weeks back, Abe, along with many (all?) of the kids in his school took the SAT.  They all had time and other accomodations.  I know that his IEP talks about testing breaks, small group sizing, having someone re-read the question to him.  The only feedback that I got on this (from Abe) was that he didn't get too much done on the essay section.  This was definitely going to be his worst section, but supposedly FLC has been working on this skill......  The kids wasn't bummed out about it, but Mom is anxious to see the scores.

So now we've been to a "College Open House".  Abe isn't going to go to this school because while they have a great accomodations program (called PAL), it states upfront that it's geared for kids with learning difficulties and they don't want anything to do with kids with emotional issues. (Hrrumph)

But we had a really good day looking at the school.  There were times that I thought that it might work for Abe, but....  Actually, the bottom line is that they don't have any majors that turn him on.  And we had a nice day being together. 

There is a meeting a school in the coming weeks.  It's the annual IEP review, but also a transition planning meeting.  I hope that they come to the table with some good suggestions, because otherwise, it's all on Mom (of course).  Abe just wants to make the final decision but he wants mom to do all of the groundwork for him.  I'm working on getting an advocate to come with me because what I really want is for him to stay where he is for an additional year- and NOT graduate this coming year.

Abe is okay with this idea.  I think that he's scared out of his mind about going off to college.  Which, frankly, is a very mature attitude.

Rosie (14.5) is all ready to start picking out her eventual school right now- by herself.  I told her to back off until we have Abe into college.

As this blog reaches its 1st birthday, I look back over a lot of trials and tribulations to be at this point.  That is where there is still a lot of work to do for my kids, but they are starting to show signs of maturity and becoming "real" people that you'd like to be around.  In other words, though my teens make me tear my (thinning) hair out, I can proudly say that they are good kids! 

Let's have some cake to celebrate!

Pick a Major, any Major

Abe is my lovable hulk of a son.  He's also PDD, ADHD, NVLD, etc.  And the plan is for him to (hopefully) graduate from High School next June and then attend college one year from now. What college? Neither of us have a clue (although, of course Mom has started doing some research on places).

But before he (we, me) picks a school, there is something very important that Abe, and only Abe, needs to decide.  That would be the type of studies that he wants to concentrate on.  In other words, a major.  Now, he doesn't have to specify a major, but he really needs to think about what sort of work he wants to be doing eventually.  Actually, I already have the answer.  Abe would love to have someone pay him to play video games all day.  And amazingly enough, I've actually heard of a job like that- but I think that it started with a computer science degree or some game writing degree.  If anyone knows anything about it, let me know!!!

But the problem is that while Abe really likes math and science classes, he is not eager to translate that into an idea for the future.  College is a pretty scary thought to him; more so than neurotypical kids.  The residential school that he is at is the first school, EVER, to give him a significant amount of homework and make him do it.  He did have homework at his other schools, but it became too much of a power struggle to get him to do it.  Now, that is someone else's problem- not mine!  He hates the HW, and I don't think that he totally finishes it, but he's making a good effort (I believe).

The first step for most kids on the road to college is taking one of the standardized college tests.  It's not necessary to do this for many schools for kids who have been on IEPs, but his school is having the kids take the SAT.  They are all going to take it together at school, with accomodations.  The test will be given over 2 days and with lots of breaks.  Abe actually does pretty well on standardized tests.  The only part that I'm worried about is the essay section.  Well, we'll see.

Now if only the kid would think about what he really wants to study!