The dating game

The Roo-girl sorta-kinda-maybe had her first date on Saturday night.

Sorta-kinda-maybe?

Let me explain.

For some inexplicable reason, my daughter believed it would be fun to go to homecoming dances at other schools. Her latest BFF, Julie, had a date for one and didn't want to go "alone." Accordingly, she recruited Roo to "go with." As part of this process for any school other than her own, Roo had to have a boy to get her a guest pass.

And so, Julie got her a boy.

In Roo's mind, this was just an access pass to the dance. But apparently, in the boy's mind, this was a date.

No amount of motherly advice would break through to her. We even talked about what would happen if Julie and her date sucked face the entire time and how she would feel about that.

Her words, and I quote: "Julie PROMISED me that she wouldn't do that."

Uh-oh.

So, with great trepidation, I sent her off to Julie's house, a limo and homecoming at a local'ish  Catholic school.

I also sent her off with this piece of mommy'ness: "If you get yourself into a situation where you are uncomfortable, CALL ME. I will pick you up from wherever, no questions asked."

I'm not sure how to describe what happened next. She texted me at 7:45 p.m. to say "Hi, I'm still alive."

We traded texts for a few minutes about how she wasn't really having fun, that the boy was clingy, how she wasn't interested in him, and I reiterated my willingness to pick her up WHENEVER.

I heard nothing until close to 11. And then the phone calls began.

"Please come get me. I can't get into the limo and watch Julie making out again."

And so I got off my sickbed (yes, I have been dying of some nasty bug), as promised, and drove like a bat out of hell the 16 miles to the "other" school.

"Are you almost here? It's dark and I'm alone."

I put the pedal to the metal and broke a few land-speed records.

"Mommy, where are you?"

I found my sobbing daughter standing on the sidewalk by the school, in the dark, with only a few stray people still there.

She confirmed then that HE was on a date; SHE was not.

And she felt horrible about it. Angry at her BFF, who made her uncomfortable by -- as I figured -- sucking face all night. Embarrassed. Humiliated.

There was little usefulness, at that point, to explain the mathematics of dating to her: Boy + girl + limo + dance = date.

She has a lot to learn.

Comments

[Roger]

So has Roo spoken to Julie since and expressed her feelings about the whole situation? The boy should also be at fault for "assuming" that it was a date, in that kind of manner. Roo seemed perfectly comfortable helping out a friend, which unfortunately means she will be less so in the future, especially with Julie.

[chrisb]

That takes me right back to a time when I did something similar for my BF (no limos in those days) I was deserted by the date but luckily I was always picked up early by my father so just had to endure a lonely evening. I didn't learn as I was always being the alibi for my friend.

[lceel]

Lemme at him!!! I'll murdalize 'im!! I'll smack that little twinkie right upside his pointed little head. And as for Julie??? Well ... just WELL, that's all.

[Angela]

I had a similar experience. My best friend went to a VERY small school who got to have prom cool places that wasn't the high school gym. She and a friend were 'dating' two guys who were both older (like college, and we were sophomores). Those guys had a friend and didn't want to leave him out. Therefore, I ended up with a sorta-kinda-maybe date to a prom that wasn't my own with a guy I'd never met. By the time prom rolled around? I was the only one left with a date. It was boring and I wasn't interested. After prom? He would. not. leave. me. alone. It got so bad that I blocked him on my instant messenger.

Like Roger said, I was never eager to repeat that no matter how desperate a friend may be.

[Daisy]

We had the same policy with La Petite: if she needed a ride, she could call us. No matter what time, no matter where, we'd come and give her a ride. I hope she does the same when she has teens of her own (what a thought!)

[nikki]

Oh man. I'm in one of those moods thanks to the kids stomach flu. Send Julie and that boy my way. I'll let them spend some one on one time with my germ infested kids. Nothing says payback like puking.

[red pen mama]

Wow. That just stinks.

Back when I was Roo's age, the girls usually assumed "this is a date" more often than boys. Have times changed so much?

(don't answer that.)

Hope Roo's okay. You did your best, and it's good to know she can always count on you.

ciao,
rpm