What Have I Done?

Apartments are scarce around where my daughter is going to university. The vacancy rate in the city was 1% when we were looking. We had a short time and not a lot of choices. As her mother, of course I wanted to find her a nice clean place in a safe neighborhood.

Which is why I was thrilled when we came upon the place we ended up renting for her. It is in a good location and an area that we are both familiar with, lots of shopping nearby, right on the bus route, security doors, and not too far from school. It is a very cozy one bedroom with big windows and lots of light, laundry on the same floor, newer appliances, lots of closets.

When we met the landlady, I was even more pleased. She is an older woman, a widow, and treats the building as if it were her own. There are flowers planted outside, the hallways are spotless, and not a speck of dirt anywhere. She is a motherly lady and was quite taken with my daughter, calling her sweetie and saying she would look out for her and I wouldn't have to worry about her living in the building. My daughter and I felt very comfortable with her and it felt like this would be a place she could call home.

Sounds perfect so far, right? I thought so. However, no one told us about the couple who lived downstairs. And the noise they create. And the drinking. And the fighting. And the yelling and the screaming. And the physical abuse he heaps on her anytime he feels like it. Oh my lord - where have I left her?

The first time it happened, I happened to be there and heard it for myself. I was absolutely horrified. I spoke to the landlady and she said they were aware of it and it was being dealt with. The next time it happened, my daughter called me at 10 PM, terrified. She said it was so loud and she could hear every single thing that was happening. I made her call the police, who showed up about 10 minutes later. Apparently, they knocked on the door and the guy freaked out and jumped out the window. Of the second floor. The girl was questioned by the police and told them that he was never there and she hadn't seen him for a few days. She lied her face off, to protect him I guess or most likely out of fear.

The next morning my father called the realty company and asked what the hell was going on, what they were doing about it, and that they could take their lease and shove it if they didn't get this problem resolved immediately.

The other morning, at 7 AM, it happened again. 7 AM! My daughter called the landlady who said she would take care of it. The police were called again. This time the guy wouldn't open the door so the police kicked it in. They went in with guns drawn and found him hiding in the closet. He was taken away and hasn't been back yet.

I, of course am flipping out and losing my mind. All I can think of is my baby sitting in her apartment listening to this, scared out of her mind. Good God, what have I done? Where have I left her? What kind of mother am I? I'm ready to yank her out of there and bring her right back home where she belongs.

This morning, she called me and told me that her landlady called her to let her know that the couple is being evicted and they will be out of the building in 2 weeks. My daughter is fine, now that she knows this is not a never ending problem. She loves her apartment and her new life on her own.

I, however, am having a very hard time adjusting to growing up, moving out, and going to university.

Comments

[Candy]

Wow, ok. I can totally relate to the helplessness of getting those calls from college, and not really being able to do anything about it.

But I must say how impressed I am with the responsiveness of both the landlady and the police in this situation. It really seems like it was dealt with quickly and now, the dust can settle and things will quiet down. Fingers crossed.

Hang in there mom!

[K]

Look at it this way, she's getting a good lesson in how NOT to be treated. Think about how much worse it would be if she was the one getting the lesson first hand because she'd never really been exposed to the real world.
This is also teaching her to keep her eyes open and to not stay silent when bad things are happening to those around her.

[Meagan]

I had something similar happen my senior year... only it was a roomate who got hauled away. I was pretty freaked out at the time, but now it just makes a good story!

[Jackie Hall]

Oh my! My son goes off to college next year. Was not looking forward to it. REALLY not looking forward to it now! I can't imagine if I had a girl and that was happening. At least it is resolved. Thank God!

[jean]

I don't know the perfect way to handle this problem. However, calling the police was the best way to handle the immediate violence. Your daughter did the right thing for the victim. It was a very brave thing and you should be proud of her. I hope the eviction order happens soon.

[Ali]

I lived in some very seedy accomodation in inner city Sydney for 10 years, moving there at 17. Disturbances like those you describe were unfortunately common. My mother was worried about me living by myself so I never told her about any of the goings on. Your daughter's landlady sounds great and calling the police is absolutely the right thing to do.

[Z]

I think she coped fine, and she'll have learned valuable lessons - not least, what sort of man to avoid. A woman can easily be taken in by someone who isn't what he pretends to be, and then she can be too besotted or too afraid to do anything to help herself - better to learn that by observation than by experience. A girl can be too sheltered from today's world.

[Ilona]

What you did was find her a nice apartment in a good area of town with a lovely landlady. (AND you're paying her rent? Wow.) Sounds to me like you did all the things a mother should.

What you didn't quite manage was to be omniscient. I really don't think you can be faulted for that...

I agree with Z. A girl can be too sheltered: your daughter is learning some lessons by observation that you certainly hope she never learns by experience!