In the moment

Em's been away on a 3 day school excursion. As I work in the office of the school she attends, one of her teachers asked me how she was enjoying the excursion. He was a little taken aback when I laughed. I told him I had received a text from Em - she requested I record a tv program for one of the teachers on the excursion! Then I explained that Em seldom calls me when she's away from home as she's too busy being in the moment and enjoying every minute of each new experience. He nodded in understanding at my explanation.

And that's the way it always has been with Em. I don't think she's ever been home sick - even as a small child. While she's always glad to return home, during the time she's away she is totally in that experience. Of course these days I can text Em, and she'll happily reply, but I feel as though I'm interfering, imposing myself unnecessarily and detracting from her independence, so I mostly refrain.

I collected Em from the excursion at 9pm Friday night and she filled me in on the places she'd seen, the goings on of other students and quirks of the accompanying teachers. Saturday morning I drove her to her first event of the day at 7.30am and collected her from her last event at 10.30pm that night, having had a few shuffles in between. I enjoy Em and her zest for life, but, gee, the mini-holiday of the school excursion was really nice!

As Em plans on leaving home in 18 months time, I've been thinking about the implications her 'in the moment' thinking will have on my half empty nest.  I feel the need to have a plan for not only my time, but also my emotional tank.  For while Em is a typical 16 year old with the associated rollercoaster of emotions happening, which sometimes drains my emotional tank, she has am enjoyable personality which replenishes my emotional tank.  When she leaves home there will be a big void in my everyday life, both physically and emotionally.  I'm hoping that once she really has her independence, texting & emailing will keep us connected and not feel like an imposition.

Comments

[Gail]

My son is the exact same way! He never got homesick at any of the camps he went to over the years, even when young, and would never call us from camp unless there was a problem (which there never was). We just moved him to college in a town about an hour and a half away, and he is having the time of his life. Not texting or calling us (except once to request funds for an additional book). He replies to my texts (mostly) and answers the phone if I call (which I only do if it's something important, like to let him know the grandfather of a lifelong friend had passed away). Our empty nest is mainly empty because we really enjoyed his company, enjoyed sharing life with him, and just miss having him around to watch a movie with, to call in to see something funny on the computer, or share any other number of little day to day enjoyments with. But, my heart is full of happiness knowing that he is loving every second of college so far, that he is making new friends and immersing himself totally in the experience. Is he missing us? Not likely. But that's okay. He knows we are here, and I suspect that's enough for him, for now.

[Daisy]

My kids are like that, too. My daughter went to Montreal and Quebec for a week when she was 14. My uncle was appalled that she never called us while she was gone. Frankly, I'd have been surprised if she did!