My son is in the hospital. My son, who will be 17 on Monday, will spend his birthday in the hospital. My son is very ill. It isn't an illness with a cure. It isn't an illness that can be fixed with a shot or even a pill. It's an illness that is lifelong. It is painful, it is horribly disruptive to his life, and to our family.
My son is bipolar.
He has a mental illness. An illness that consistantly interrupts his daily life with the ups and downs of his mood swings, My son has had periods where he can't manage his life without severe depression since he was 7 years old. He's been in the hospital several times prior to this. But this is the first hospitalization after he tried to kill himself.
My son took an overdose of sleeping pills. It didn't seem to be planned, He was out all day with friends, I had him come home at 8 pm to do chores he had left since the day before. He came home pissed, washed a few dishes, told me he was going upstairs to take a shower, and took a handful of pills. Pills I hadn't known we even had in the house since they weren't in the medicine cabinet in the kid's bathroom for the past year or two. Pills that were long since expired. He must have hid them in his room for an occasion such as this,
I was sitting on the sofa reading a magazine with the TV on in the background when a police officer came running past me asking where the overdose was. I didn't even know what he was referring to, and then a bunch of my son's friends came in sobbing. The EMTs and the police found him in his bed. He was incoherent and unable to stand up on his own. The time between when he told me he was taking a shower and the police showed up was about 15 minutes. Yup. 15 minutes.
They got him into the ambulance, started a drip, gave him some narcan, and they were off. I followed them with his sister and his girlfriend in the car. We left his sister's boyfriend and a couple of his friends to finish cleaning up. I went through every red light the ambulance did, and we arrived in a dead heat. They took him into the ER the back way while I left my car with the valet. Handicap drivers don't pay for valet,
By the time we found him in a trauma room he was so out of it he really didn't get what was happening. We arrived at 9 and he was completely incoherent and seeing double until he finally fell asleep at 3 am. He was holding my arm when he fell asleep.
The next morning he was medically cleared, so we had to wait to talk to the psychiatrists from the psych ward, plus the social worker and psychologist from our health insurance co. At 2 pm he was told he was moving upstairs, and we arrived there around 5 pm. He's been there ever since and will remain there until we determine whether or not he's safe.
I am petrified of having him back home. I miss him and I want him home, but I can't keep an eye on him like a hospital can. He's in a locked ward, they can control what he is exposed to. Plus, his friends are all going off to various colleges and he's very upset about that. So upset that I don't think he can handle it. This is why I've been so fearful since last spring,
I knew it was coming,. I know this kid, I know how sad and angry he's been, I know why, I can't control his anxiety, his sadness, or his anger. But he can't either. He needs more help than he's gotten at home,. He needs to work on his issues. So far, like many bipolars, he has rejected help and is in denial, I am beside myself with fear, I want him to live,. To live a happy, productive life. I don't know how to make that happen.
My son is sick. He has a mental illness. The same mental illness my mother, my sister, and my grandmother had. It is sometimes said that I'm bipolar by people who only know me from my old blog. To those morons that think that calling a complete stranger bipolar is amusing, it is not. It is a hurtful bad thing to accuse anyone of being mentally ill because you disagree with their thoughts. I would do ANYTHING to make my son mentally healthy. ANYTHING. And yet... it is not possible,
So we do what we can. Taking him off all meds and starting over. Doing yet another neuropsych exam. And MRI on his brain. We try to figure out what changes puberty has had on his mental health.
There is no cure. It is a lifelong disease that may disable him his entire life.
My son is mentally ill. And suicidal. And thank GOD we live in MA where he has excellent health insurance that fully covers mental illness. Because in another state? He would be dead,.
So so sorry to hear about this.
Posted by: Hannah | August 23, 2009 at 12:14 AM
Bipolar is a wretched disease. I have several friends who have learned to live with it after struggling to survive the ordeal of bipolar and adolescence. I hope your son recognises his need for help now. Such a frightening, dark time for you, him and your daughter.
Posted by: Ali | August 23, 2009 at 07:50 AM
So sorry to hear about your son. I hope he makes swift progress. So, he too the pills and immediately called the police and his friends? Would the pills even have had a chance to work in 15 mins? And is this tactic normal?
Posted by: lisa | August 23, 2009 at 12:42 PM
OH, you sound so strong. I am so sorry you are both experiencing this.
Posted by: Maureen at IslandRoar | August 23, 2009 at 12:44 PM
I am so sorry.
Posted by: jodifur | August 23, 2009 at 04:38 PM