Because Ora won't be posting this week, I thought I'd give you a small update as to how she and the family are doing.
Obviously, the funeral was very hard. Abe did so well, acting like such a gentleman and showing what a grown up young man he's become. During the service he cried a big, but his grandma was sitting right next to him and tried to comfort him.
Rosie completely broke down. She brought a teddy bear with her to the service and then to the cemetery and she was clutching onto it for dear life. She sobbed so hard I couldn't watch without sobbing myself, and we ended up all doing the ugly cry. She sat next to Ora who held onto her so tightly, and they both got through the service. A very close friend of J's spoke first and did a wonderful speech that really described J perfectly. Then Ora's brother spoke and gave a very similar speech, both of which focused on the stubborn but resilient parts of J's personality. Even Ora laughed at parts of the speeches.
Then the most amazing thing happened. We all got into our cars to go to the cemetery, and for some inexplicable reason, the state police closed down the entire highway just for us. Nobody in front of us. Nobody behind us. Every entrance blocked by a motorcycle cop, and down we went, 75 or 100 cars long, at 30 mph on a completely empty highway. Every entrance we went by I kept saying "Those people hate us." because we must have made everyone really late. Nobody has ever seen anything quite like this, and we all have relatives buried in the same cemetery and have been there many times. I95 closed for us! How cool is that.
The cemetery part was hard. When that first shovelful of dirt hit the casket we all jumped at the sound. Ora stood off to the side. She couldn't watch and I don't blame her at all. We all did a few shovelfuls and then it was time to leave. No police escort on the way back.
Since the funeral we've been keeping Shiva twice a day every day, and Ora is really visibly better every succeeding day. Her color is back, she's more like herself, and finally all her family has gone home except her dad. And we love him.
That's pretty much it.
She's sounds like she's working through her grief. You are a good friend to her. Please give her my condolences.
Posted by: Rowan | May 12, 2009 at 07:49 AM
M is a totally good friend and is working extra-hard at proving it this week!! On Friday night, after the funeral, there was a whole bunch of family at the house for (a provided) dinner. Abe kept insisting that he sit at the head of the table, in J's place, because he was now the man of the family.
Posted by: Ora b | May 12, 2009 at 10:09 AM
Well, that made me cry. But it's true, Abe IS the man of the family now. And he's taking his job seriously.
Posted by: margalit | May 12, 2009 at 12:02 PM
It's not now she'll need most help, but when the shock has worn off. When my sister's husband died, she needed a lot of support for the next 3 years and more.
Posted by: Z | May 12, 2009 at 02:36 PM
Ora, good wishes for steady healing. Take care of yourself. M will make sure you do!
Posted by: Daisy | May 12, 2009 at 07:18 PM
Holding you in my prayers Ora. The path you've already walked of caring for your ill husband while running your family has been really hard. Your new road will be a different hard.
The best advice I can give is to take a moment to breathe, and when needed, take life 10 minutes at a time. You can do anything for 10 minutes!
Oh, and get ready for the paperwork 'cause it's something else.
Thinking of you.
Be gentle with yourself.
Posted by: Ali | May 13, 2009 at 08:24 AM