Moving Day!

The boy has moved out.

How do I feel? Well, I was impressed.

He managed it very well. My head-in-the-clouds son, whose idea of "plans" has always been "what I am doing now". Look ahead? Pro-active? Forethought? What 's that?

Not this time! He cleaned, he organized, threw out a bunch of stuff, he gave other stuff away, he scavenged boxes. He packed. He organized a truck and a car and a moving crew.

My only contributions were: 1. An initial consultation providing advice as to how to proceed and the timeline required. ("You'll need to organize and throw stuff out before you can even begin to pack. Better start NOW.") and 2: About a half-hour's assistance with cleaning.

I would have helped more but he did most of his packing during my working hours. (Yes, I would too. Stop snickering.)

The day arrived, and the moving crew appeared. How did I feel? Celebratory. They were just so excited! Who couldn't ride the charge of all that positive energy?

(Yes, that's his. He uses it for a computer monitor. That's what happens when a tech geek works in an electronics store. Kid in a candy-shop gone digital.)

He's got such nice friends. They were cheerful, they were polite, they were efficient. Lots of chatter with each other, lots of banter with me. It was lovely. In less than three hours they had made the two trips across town required, and the deed was done.

His room was empty. How did I feel, standing in there with the bare walls and the dustballs? Wistful. Full of memories. Pregnancy, delivery, baby, toddler, little boy ... young man. Just like that. You know it's supposed to happen... and then it does. In the blink of an eye.

Adam's the one in the middle. Doesn't he look PROUD?

It's a first step. And really, it's a baby step: he's living in a house with four other guys, he's still in college, he has a part-time job. From what I gather, household standards are what you'd expect from a house run by five late-teen, early-twenty males. But! He's paying his own rent, he's sharing (admittedly minimal) household chores, he's grocery shopping and doing his own laundry. (No, he has not brought one single load home.) He's on his way!

He was on his way with such enthusiasm that, when I came out of the kitchen to see how they were doing... I saw the truck driving away. He'd left... and he'd forgotten to say goodbye!

How did I feel? Hollow. I reminded myself he was just excited, he was caught up in the moment, he was only going to be living across town. But my boy had moved out without saying goodbye. My boy who has always given me a hug goodbye. Always. When going to school, when going to work. And it doesn't matter if his friends are around. It's been a real point of maternal satisfaction for me. My boy hugs me goodbye. Every time.

Except on this particularly significant day. Oof.

We'd arranged that he come over for dinner three days later, though. So it wasn't like he'd dropped off the earth. And no, I didn't call him to scold/guilt trip him about his omission. Not my style.

Three days later, he walks in the front door and proceeds straight to the kitchen. Straight to the kitchen, and envelops me in a hug.

"I forgot to do this on Saturday. I only remembered as we were driving away, and it just felt wrong, so weird."

And he keeps hugging me. Not our usual 1-second 'have-a-good-day' hug, this one is a good seven or so seconds.

"Love you, mom."

How do I feel?

Full to bursting with pride.

Comments

[Bill]

Ilona -- great article. Been there; I cried for days when my son left for the Peace Corps and, later, off to grad school. I know how you feel.

[Nina]

Wow, what a triumph for all involved. I ache for you and cheer for you, all at the same time. My "baby"(22) is home this weekend from his real life in D.C. and he went straight for the frig too.

[Kat]

That really was very sweet. Also, I have gadget envy.

[Tammy]

Ooooh! My heart hurts for you! Yes, it's a proud day, but still. I'm already dreading the day when the Terrors move out. And since they're only 6 and 7, I've got a lot of years to work myself into a right good mood over it.

[Swivels]

Thanks for giving me hope. Our 19-year-old shows no signs of ever leaving.

[Sylvia]

That's so wonderful. What a wonderful son you have.

[Ilona]

Bill - Thanks for dropping by! Even when they make you proud, you miss them. (Especially when they make you proud??)

Nina - I was assuming he was heading straight for me... now I realize that may only be because I was standing in front of the fridge! My illusion, it's crushed!

Kat - A short trip of his room would probably have you green. That 'monitor' is the biggest, but certainly not the only gadet he owns.

Tammy - Don't worry. At some point in their teens, they will make damned sure you start counting the days till they're gone...

Swivels - You never know. Adam turned 20 this spring, and I hadn't any idea he was planning to move until three weeks prior!

Sylvia - I think so. Thank you!

[Nat]

aww, that brought tears to my eyes :)

[Daisy]

it is bittersweet, isn't it? He looks happy!

[Candace]

Did you end up a weepy puddle on the floor after the missed-hug-make-up? I would have, against my better intentions! I've already told both the kids that I *will* be weepy messes on their prom/graduation/wedding/etc. days but that I will do my best to fall apart privately. And I've proactively apologized.

[Ali]

I'm all teary over the belated goodbye hug. It's great that he wants his independence and to show his affection for you all at the same time. Parenting job well done!

I have plans for when I'm an empty nester, yet I'm also dreading it.

[kittenpie]

Some days I remind myself that this will happen some day... other days I think it will be hard to see. Some days it's "13 whole years more?" and some days, it's "only" 13 more years.