The Aftermath

This is part of the continuing saga of the death of J.  Specifically, this is about how the kids are reacting.

Shiva is over now, but while it was going on there were masses of people at the house in the evening, and a much more manageable amount during the day.  Margalit was very right in saying it's like putting on a wedding quickly, or at least all of the casual family events that tend to surround such an occasion.

Rosie had the support of lots and lots of her friends, even at the cemetery.  The friends were at the funeral too, but neither of us really saw the people who came.  

Abe, too, had lots of support.  I didn't know this at the time, but while we were waiting for the funeral service to start; when we were off in a private room not accepting (many) visitors; Abe was out wandering around in the crowd and greeting people.  Specifically, he evidently made a bee-line for some of our closest friends, and people that he is especially close to at our shule, in order to get enveloped in their hugs.  One of my friends told me that it was the cutest thing seeing these (relatively) little, old ladies hugging my 6 foot tall 18 year old.

Abe also had the support of some of the adults and kids from his Boy Scout troop.  They came to the service, they came to the cemetary, they came to shiva and they are here right now getting him ready for next week's backpacking trip!  This wonderful group has been picking Abe up at home, taking him the Sunday evening meetings and then taking him back to school.

Or another weekend, not long in the past, one guy picked up Abe's bike at home, someone else picked up Abe at school and then the troop went on a bike ride.  Then they brought Abe back to school and his bike home.  I don't know whether these wonderful guys are so great because they are Boy Scouts, or good Jews or just wonderful people; but each one of them has turned down my thanks for these efforts, saying it's just great to help Abe blossom at their events!

Rosie has had all of her friends around her, especially the friends with whom she spent years and years with at her Jewish day school.  One girl, one of Rosie's closest friends, made it a point to come to shiva every single night!

Both kids are doing well, although I'm sure that both kids have, and will have, some difficulties in dealing with our new reality (especially on the financial side), but there are lots of supports available for them (and for me, including financially) and they actually are talking to people about their feelings- BOTH of them!!

Comments

[songbird]

Ora,

May G-d comfort you and all the mourners of Zion.

Why do those traditional words of comfort seem so inadequate?

the Rabbi in my synagogue always says to remember how they lived, not how they died, and to hold on to the happy memories.

[Daisy]

Sending you good wishes for steady healing and lots of support. I'm glad to hear the kids are finding good people.

[Ali]

I'm glad you have so many helping you. Take whatever help is offered while it's offered, and know that you would like others to accept your offers of help if roles were reversed.

The support teenagers give each other can be truly amazing to watch.