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April 29, 2009


I can't offer any firsthand advice, but I can say that I think you've got a good plan for today.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I too am so, so sorry for your loss.

On the anniversary of my grandfather's death I make some time to talk to him -- sort of write him a letter, telling him about things that have happened, asking him the questions I wish he were still around to answer (he knew an awful lot about the history of many of my city's buildings) and particular things he would've liked. I don't know if that would work with kids or teens, but I do find it useful for myself.

Peace to all of you.

My condolences. I cannot even imagine the depth of your loss, and that of your children. For me there's a healing effect of acknowledging the anniversary of a loss with some small ritual and display--flowers, a candle, a few pieces of memorabilia. I like Robyn's idea of talking to him, bringing him up to date as it were on your lives.

One of my good friends...her ex husband died suddenly last week, and she's been dealing with the fallout for her three children...and I can see that she is struggling with issues similar to what you're dealing with. I have no practical advice, but wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss.

I too can not imagine the grief and pain of losing a parent. My parents normally offer drinks/food to neighbours/someone in need on the day or around the day they their parents died. Doing somethign really good, maybe food to the homeless (if there are any), extra help at the church, volunteer at the hospital or somethign like that, ine the name and thinking of your husband/dad while doing it might be a special way to remember him.

I think your plans are just right. And if, in the course of the conversation, someone should happen to cry... that would be just right, too.

Ali girl, you and I are going to need to have a long talk off-line about this, as I plan for the same future as you are currently living. Lots of hugs for you- Ora

Is think your beautiful plans would please your husband and they will be very meaningful to your children. You sound as if you have done very well processing your terrible loss. Those unexpected tears are difficult for you to handle, but they surely are normal. I had tears just imagining what you are going through. May God comfort you over and over as you go through this each year on this sad anniversary.

hugs, ali.

I lost my husband six years ago and it is still hard sometimes. I miss him terribly, he was my best friend.
One thing I have found is to try and recognize the day for what it is. I'll make something to eat that he loved and I'll try and have all the kids home for dinner that night. We talk about him, sometimes we get teary eyed, but a lot of times we end up laughing. He would be so proud of his kids today, and it is that thought that carries me on.

Do what you need to do to get through the day, and don't worry about the others. I don't know your children's ages, but as we get further away from the date of his death, they remember less, especially the younger ones. He's now been gone for 1/3 of my youngest child's life. His memories of his dad live on through us. Remember, time has a different feel when we get older. Though it has been six years for me, it often still feels like he's just away on a business trip, or at the most, only been gone for a year or two. Definitely not six years. I can only tell you, the hole in your heart doesn't go away, but it does get smaller, and then sometimes bigger again. Just know it is normal.

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