Amigo feels stress differently than most. I do, too. Sometimes I wonder if I'm on the autism spectrum? I have many of the traits. But whether I fit the diagnostic criteria or not, I can often understand Amigo better than Husband does and most of the time much better than his teachers. Sigh. It's a mixed blessing, really.
Amigo was showing tension and anxiety about his upcoming autism evaluation. He knows it's important; he attends the IEP meetings because he is 17 and near legal adulthood. He knows we worry about his limited ability to process information, read between the lines, and filter emotionally charged material. He dropped a hint to Husband that indicated he was nervous about the eval, and Husband wisely told me. I took Amigo out for a good Wisconsin Friday Fish Fry, talked about this and that and made casual conversation, and eventually worked the autism evals into the topics. He admitted he felt uneasy, but not scared or nervous. Together we narrowed it down to a fear of the unknown, not fear of failure. In the storm cloud of the fight for services, the silver lining is my ability to understand and connect with Amigo and help counsel him through some of the processing issues.
While I can't call it positive, I can give Amigo credit for expressing himself appropriately. He moaned and complained a bit when I asked if he wanted to tag along when Husband and I went to a workshop to build a rainbarrel for my garden. "I don't care about that Green crap, mom." I'm acting locally and thinking globally, keeping the Earth a little better for my children's future, but my teenager thinks it's "crap." I resisted the urge to say, "Shut up and eat your home grown vegetables," and instead reminded him that I expected him to behave on the trip to Home Depot to buy seeds for this year's garden.
The silver lining? He did behave. He didn't pull a teenage attitude or spout loud complaints while we were there. He simply tagged along and then asked for gum at the checkout. I conceded, since he had behaved appropriately. And yes, we let him stay home the next day while we built the rain barrel.
School dances and special events present more potential storm clouds. What if he has an autistic metldown? Will they escalate or de-escalate the situation? Husband dropped him off last weekend at a Spring Fling event with local bands. Amigo dressed for the occasion in his ThinkGeek equalizer t-shirt, which opened up conversation with his peers, so Husband listened in to make sure it was appropriate. He came home laughing, telling me that "...overhearing this would hurt our case for autism services because it was so normal." The silver lining? Amigo can interact appropriately.
Whether I'm on the spectrum or my teaching/ counseling/ crisis intervention training is kicking in, I'm thankful for these silver linings. Small though they are, they let me take a deep breath and relate to my son as a teenager, not an autistic teenager. Not that relating to a teenager is easy!!
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