Cloudy with a Chance of Crying

Oh, the unpredictability of a tween girl meltdown. At our house, the storms are few and far between, thankfully, but when they do happen, they're spectacular. We had the pleasure of weathering one last Sunday, I think the last one was back in August, so we were probably due. This one was about ice skates, on the surface, but you know that's never the real reason. I can't even pretend to understand the pubescent turmoil behind these explosions, I don't even know if Leah knows what she's really upset about, I just know once the storm starts, there's no stopping it. The only thing we can do is retreat to our corners, and give Leah space, let her get it out, let her calm down. 

Unfortunately, the time it happened back in August, we were about to leave on a four-hour road trip. So retreat was not possible. Once we got her in the car (which took almost an hour of arguing, cajoling and threatening) we had another 45 minutes (in an enclosed space, mind you) of crying, even screaming at points, until she finally got whatever was bothering her out of her system. I guess the silver lining for me was, unlike toddler tantrums, this one I could almost ignore. I knew she wasn't in physical pain, wasn't hungry, didn't need a diaper change. I even joked to my husband about earplugs and/or drugs, although that comment earned me another 15 minutes of thunder from Leah.

This time, though, when the clouds began gathering, we just let Leah stay home, and the rest of us went to skate. And when we came back, the storm had passed. Leah was in her room, reading quietly, and she greeted me with a half-smile on her face. It made me sad that she missed the family outing, but it made me even sadder to realize I need to learn to handle this situation better. We won't always be able to walk away and let her calm down. It didn't have to go this way, and I've got to get better at recognizing her signs of distress and defusing the situation before it escalates. I know this isn't going to be the last storm on the horizon. Hopefully, the next time one rolls in, I'll be a better weatherman, and I'll be able to change the forecast to sunshine.

Comments

[Jennifer Krieger]

Or, maybe SHE could defuse a little.
Wait. Teenager? no
Jenny

[Paula]

I want to go out on a limb here and say that this is by no means limited to tween girls. Tween boys, bless them, have also been known to fall completely apart for reasons that on the surface make NO sense at all.

[Daisy]

Time heals - sometimes. The cooldown period is essential, though. Follow up, finding out what was really wrong (if you can) because that can help prevent another worse meltdown. As she gets to know what might trigger one of these, she can deal with them better, too.

[Ilona]

I'd say the person who needs to learn to handle the situation better is her, not you. Since the storms are so few and far between, you should have lots of time to de-brief and prepare her with strategies for the next one. Who knows? In two or three years, she might be able to defuse her own storms.