Bullying doesn't stop when you go to high school

Last night at a school meeting I met another mother of a senior girl. We hit it off immediately, and got to talking. And talking. And talking. By the time we said goodnight we knew each others life story. It was that kind of first meeting. I wish dates went that well.

Anyhow, this woman's daughter started in public school in high school. Before high school she attended a very tony private school that is half day and half boarding school. This school has a sterling reputation amongst the trust fund set and has extremely wealthy and powerful national figures in it's parent population. However, many of the girls that attend this school don't go to very prestigious colleges, choosing more social schools than the woman's daughter was looking for. So they put her in our very 'rigorous' high school where kids go on to many Ivy League and top tier schools.

From the first week at our school, this girl hated it. HATED it. And her mother did as well. The reason is simple. Bullying. Now, in defense of the school, my kids really haven't experienced bullying on either end, and they're not bullies either. But yes, there is bullying going on and I know about it and I know what kids get bullied. This girl, well, she's chubby. More than chubby. She's fat. She has PCOS, a endocrine problem common in women that makes it difficult to impossible to lose weight. As a person who has had PCOS as well, I know how hard this poor kid's struggle is. Losing weight when your body is screaming that you're starving due to blood sugar imbalances sucks.

But other than her weight, this is a very talented, very smart girl. However, from the get-go the teachers treated her like crap because of her weight. This particular girl has a talent that has received kudos from professionals since she was a bitty kid. She sings with professional groups. She's traveled all over the world singing with said professional group. But she couldn't get into the freaking high school chorus. And that was just the beginning. Because the bullying comes not only from other kids, but even more-so from the teachers. On a school trip last year she went overseas to an eastern European country. The teacher who led the trip is one both of my kids has had, and we all concur that he is INSANE. Like certifiably insane. He runs. He doesn't walk, he runs. He made the kids walk from the Airport in Amsterdam to the Anne Frank House. Yes, there is a cheap subway train that goes there, but he made them trot along with him. When this girl couldn't keep up, he said that she was too fat to be on the trip. In a week the kid made $1000 worth of overseas phone calls to her mother in tears. The teacher picked on her the entire trip, thus enticing the kids to do so as well.

This year her "wellness" teacher has turned a blind eye to a kid who bullies her and calls her fat and gross. The teacher has heard it, but shrugs her shoulders and ignores it. Ignoring is so much easier.

The mom is appalled by this behavior but she's also experienced some of the same crapola I have from the "professional moms" who run the PTO and other school programs. You cannot break through the barriers these moms set up. They don't want to meet you, they don't want to hear your issues, they don't want anything to change, etc. Of course their kids are bullies. The moms are bullies as well.

So we have a charged atmosphere where moms, teachers and kids are all allowed to act like asshats and nothing is done to make things better for the kid. Isn't that sad?

When I came home I asked both of my kids if they knew this girl, and both kids did. My son said that she's really nice and is in his g'friend's homeroom and is a friend of hers. My daughter pointed out that she was one of the stars of the play we saw last year and how talented she was. So I know my kids aren't being jerks. They're usually very tolerant of kids with issues anyhow, seeing as they have issues themselves. But I have to say that I am burning mad right now that any kid is being harassed by teachers and students and nothing is done. Not my kid, so it's not up to me. But I felt like burning down the damn school after hearing this story.

Comments

[Daisy]

This story makes my heart ache. How awful that the teachers are not only allowing this, but participating! I always hate to resort to this, but it may be time for legal action. Does the girl have an IEP? Her health condition could warrant it.

[the planet of janet]

ohhhh that is sooooo maddening.

my kids have been on the receiving end of bullying. not not not fun.

[suburbancorrespondent]

She really doesn't need that school. Tell her mother to pull her out. She has enough outside activities to keep her busy and social in the real world. She can act in community theater, work out at the Y (instead of wasting time in PE), and keep singing professionally. She really does not need high school at all. And college isn't that small-minded.

If her mom wants to contact me about homeschooling, please tell her to do so! There is no need for her daughter to struggle to adapt herself to a dysfunctional environment.

[Ilona]

I have nothing to say, really, but I feel so badly for that child. I'm shocked that a girl with a practiced, recognized talent would be refused to allow to use it -- to the benefit of the school! -- because of her looks! How utterly appalling. Why, why, why are her parents leaving her in that school?

[Molly]

He made the kids walk from the Airport in Amsterdam to the Anne Frank House.

That's over 10 miles! I can't believe the other students could walk that far or didn't complain. Now, from Centraal [train]Station the Anne Frank house is about 1KM. Walkable and the fat girl could have been put on the trolley and told where to get off. Poor kid.

[Jerri Ann]

It is time for someone to step in, kids will be mean and cruel, TEACHERS CAN NOT! Teachers should be held to a higher standard.

I was bullied in elementary school by kids and teachers and it is wrong wrong wrong......

You have a big voice to use to help this matter be different...please do it!

[from a nicer place]

this is absolutely what poeple in New Zealand think of American high school culture. It's just so uncalled for. At my hight school (i'm 2nd year at university now) we had no bullying, everyone was accepted and we didn't behave like little kiddies. Most of all, our teachers were helpful, encouraging and always there for us if we needed any help. I can't believe this is happening in a so-called developed country! Seriously, what is wrong with the "ivy league" crowd that makes this behaviour acceptable? It's disgusting. Pull her out of that school and find her a nice private high school with high standards and teaching. If she is good enough, she will get into a good university/college/whatever you call it.