Make new friends but keep the old -- unless, of course, you shouldn't

Girls suck.

There. I've said it.

I raised three boys before I had the brilliant idea to try again for a girl with No. 4.

So be careful what you wish for.

Because, in comparison (and at least in my personal experience) boys are easier to raise. Because girls? They suck.

Now, to be fair, I love the Roo-girl dearly and would NEVER want to put her back where she came from.

Her presence is truly a gift.

And it's not really that SHE sucks. It's that girls in general are mean, petty and unspeakably cruel to each other from the first day they can say the words "You're not my best friend anymore."

Roo has had a rocky romance with her "best friends." There are two of them, usually referred to on my blog as SusieandLaurie (yes, that's one word).

Anyway, they met in fifth grade after we moved and Roo-girl changed schools. By sixth grade, they were inseparable.

Except, of course, for the usual cat spats. Three is a difficult number when it comes to friends. And when two start out as best buds (since kindergarten, if you please) and ADD the third ... well *insert heavy sigh here* that is just a recipe for disaster.

And so it has been.

Somewhere near the middle of seventh grade, there was some kind of falling out. I got generic information, no real details, although I WAS the one who wiped the tears and picked up the pieces.

To her credit, however, Miss Roo reinvented herself at the end of seventh grade, made new friends and carried on.

Enter eighth grade. One day, SusieandLaurie and Roo are at their lockers, which happened to be in close proximity.

"Oh, Roo," says Susie(notLaurie). "We have really missed you."

"Oh, SusieandLaurie!" answers Roo. "I have really missed you too."

So, against MY better judgment, Roo jumped back into the SusieandLaurie world.

It was a rocky year. There were good moments and bad. And like the girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead, when it was good, it was very very good.

And when it was bad, it was so horrid that THE ENTIRE FREAKING WORLD STOPPED SPINNING ON ITS AXIS. I'm sure you must have felt it in your neck of the woods.

Anyway, they muddled through their ups and downs of the eighth grade, graduated and started high school with summer school.

For the first few days, things seemed relatively normal. Then Roo met up with -- and started hanging out with -- her cousin, the Skateboard King. They usually ran in different circles, and this is the first time the two of them have been in the same school

SK, quite rightfully, pointed out to Roo that her friends did not treat her nicely. And perhaps she would like to hang out with him instead.

She seemed to realize the error of her ways with SusieandLaurie when the problems were pointed out by someone who was NOT the mama, and took him up on her offer.

There, of course, is no straight line to any end when it comes to Roo. Things haven't really worked out with SK's friends either, but instead she has found her niche with the cheer squad (she's on the varsity competition team).

And in the interest of not making a long story even longer, let's cut to the part where Roo has a conversation with Susie(notLaurie).

"I miss you," Susie(notLaurie) told Roo a few days ago. "But I think we will have to be acquaintances, not friends."

In the next breath, she was making plans to hang out with Roo the next day.

Which didn't happen.

Because they aren't friends.

Period.

And in addition to THAT, "I don't want to talk about it."

Until Friday night, when there was a movie night at school.

Guess who she hung out with?

"It was just like the old days, like nothing ever happened," Roo told me afterward.

Oh no, not again.

Girls suck. Seriously.

Comments

[Lynn K.]

I hear you. Oldest dd had rough high school years. In one circle one minute out of it the next. And the girls were horrible with the instant messaging and my space crap. DD was in tears more than once. But after a brief break in the "friendships", she would go back for more. Finally she realized they weren't her friends and found some real ones for her senior year. I thank God she is in college now and away from the hs drama. There is some at college, but it doesn't appear to be as bad. Or maybe she has matured and can see who really are her friends and who aren't.

[amyz5]

it is a weird culture and when we try to advise we wind up being the bad one.

my advice? sympathize but don't try to solve. we worry about their self esteem, rightfully so. the best we can do is reinforce the concept of dignity. usually down the line they figure it out.

my sympathies.

[suburbancorrespondent]

Thanks. Now I'm having very unpleasant flashbacks. I thank God every day that I am not 13 anymore.

[Karen]

We're there, doing that. And yes, girls SUCK.

[Rachael]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - sometimes I'm glad I don't have a girl. I do want one desperately, but then I think about this kind of story, or watch my 10 year old sister and her friends and how they go back and forth and feelings are hurt then the hurt is forgotten, and I remember how my bestest friend dumped me after 8th grade and I feel relief that that's a cute little boy over there playing by the couch. Good luck with High School Roo!

[junebug]

My youngest daughter told me later that she used to cry a lot through high school and I know that my oldest daughter had many mean girls who were friends also. But my oldest daughter also had a boy who tormented her throughout high school because he liked her and she did not like him. He was awful. One day not too long ago he saw my youngest daughter and asked how her sister was and told her to tell her "hi" for him! He is such an egotist. Becky said, "yeah, right."

[Daisy]

This hurts just to read. My heart aches for her; I hope SK still remains friends, even though she doesn't hang with his crew regularly. She'll need support.

[The Laundress]

Damn bishes.

I am NOT looking forward to that crap. I don't want Fa to have to deal with that and I certainly do NOT want her to BE that.

I am in for it.

[Karen]

That was the hardest part of my two daughter's years in high school for ME. I tried to stay out if it and let them make their own decisions, and it was real hard to do that. They need to learn how to make decisions about who to hang with, and why. I just told my daughters that if the bad times outnumbered the good times, it was time to move on. If they felt more "used" than loved, it was time to move on. And if they were ashamed of their relationship with someone, it was time to move on.

Yeah, I still remember those days. Ick.

[Judith Shakespeare]

We still do that as adults sometimes too, you know? So, yeah, girls TOTALLY suck. :)

[sheasy]

Life after high school is LIFE. Before that it's all crap.

[Mr Lady]

I'm sorry. I'm too busy beating my head against several large rocks in an attempt to feel what you're feeling right now to appropriately comment.

You're SCARING me, woman.

[Devilish Southern Belle]

Geez. I thought raising my boys felt like growing up all over again, but seems like the teen years are even more intense with girls!

[Inkling]

You are so right. Girls do suck. And when they get older, as in late 30's, they aren't much better. Makes me want to go live on a deserted island all by myself, with a bunch of chocolate, sunscreen, a library, and some chapstick.

[anglophilefootballfanatic.com]

Oh, crappity crap. AGAIN! She keeps falling for it.

[nikki]

Heh. Big girls can suck too. I hate how catty the female genetics can be. Thankfully though Roo seems to be able to make friends wherever she is!