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July 21, 2008

Comments

Sweetheart, his enjoying being with his girlfriend's parents but not with you has nothing whatsoever to do with your depression. It's galling, but normal. My teen daughter will go anywhere, do anything with her best friend's family (including younger sibling), because they are obviously so much more fun than ours. But another friend of hers said to her, "I don't know what your problem with your dad is - he's so cool!" while at workcamp the other week. The parents are always cooler on the other side of the fence.

So take heart - it has nothing to do with you.

what sc said...

everyone else's parents are ALWAYS cooler than your own.

I'm struggling with my depression right now as well. It's the topic of my post today...which is probably one of the most difficult posts I've ever written.

I can only imagine how much that comment hurt you. As some of the other posters said, I also think you may be reading too much into it. I always thought it was more fun to hang out at my girlfriend's house, with her mom when I was a kid. In turn, she preferred being around *my* parents! I think it's just a totally normal 'kid' thing, ya know? Hugs to you!

It's not you sweetie. Trust me. I can remember being that age and wanting to spend time with anyone else but my parents. ((HUGS))

I agree; typical teenage angst. Don't you remember feeling like that? Janice, I hope that you are getting counseling. You are reaching out here, and we obviously care about you, but a professional should be able to help in a way we are not trained. I'm guessing that guilt is part of your depression, and a counselor could help; you deserve to take care of you! Thanks for sharing your heart...

Janice,
The teenager who enjoys being with their own parents is not a normal one. :)

See? Stop blaming yourself!

He's 17. Leaving for college this year or next? It's part of the process of separation. I call it "fouling the nest". It hurts, but it's developmentally appropriate. And the closer a teen is to his/her parent, the harder they seem to have to foul.

"fouling the nest" Such an apt phrase. I find my Pom is really gearing up in this department and it kills me. But I bet he will miss you more than he can imagine when he goes.

Please don't blame yourself. Love him. Love you!

SC~I feel like you're being a little condescending. I don't know if I worry more because I have already lost one child to disease but yeah, sometimes I might overreact. I know this. I also know I hated hanging with my mom, yet I know the boy loves me and trusts me. This is good. I had several folks pointing out areas in which they feel I'm lacking. One was spouse and he wasn't kind so I was most likely being overly sensitive.

Mrs. 4444~I have a shrink and actually I'm doing the best I've done since the whole depression thing started. I appreciate the concern. :)

Di~I hope your post today helping you and I'll be over to read it in a few minutes.

Molly~Fouling the nest, how apt. He's going into his senior year in hs.

Everyone thank you for the encouragement, the reality check and just for reading. Hugs to all!

Most definitely did not mean to come across as condescending! I've heard/seen lots of moms (including me) blaming themselves for things that would probably be the way they are anyway. And the kids sense this guilt and sort of home in on it - don't let him do that to you! I guarantee he knew what would hurt for you to hear.

Don't let the guilt ruin your life, you can only be the best you can be, one day at a time. When I read your post the thing that struck me was that you acknowledge it has affected others in your life. That is a huge step and one that will make a difference in how you are remembered in the long run. I give you a lot of credit for recognizing this.

My late husband also suffered from depression. It wasn't until the last two years of his life that he accepted counseling and meds. What a difference! (He could have become a spokesperson for the drug companies--he became a total convert.) I like to think my kids remember what it was to overcome such a huge problem and face it...and how it affected others. I think they do. Your kids will someday look back and respect the strength it took you to get the help you needed.

Kids, especially teens, have no idea how hurtful a single comment can be. Hang in there. GF probably enjoys doing things with you!

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