Why be normal?

We threw a surprise party for my son's nineteenth birthday last month.

The boy is in the 'gifted' stream at his high school, as are his friends, with only one exception. When I was offered the option of having him apply to gifted, I was only partially convinced of the merits of the programme, but decided he'd enjoy the extra intellectual stimulation. He's very bright, but academically lazy (sigh). What I didn't understand at first was just how grouping these bright kids together would change the social dynamic of high school for him, in an entirely positive way.

Perhaps your high school was different than mine, but I remember having to hide my intelligence. I muted my interest in subjects outside the norm, and tried to fake an interest in the socially accepted areas of obsession. Which, with few exceptions, bored me. I wasn't a total sell-out: I was in the band, I was on the honour roll, I took on extra projects for fun, not just for extra credit. But I learned that all these idiosyncracies would be paid for socially, and sometimes the price was higher than I could face. (University? Loved, loved, loved it. Phew.)

But these kids in my living room last month? They are so accepting of so many idiosyncracies. They shriek and yell and indulge in brainless mayhem, as all teens do, but they also converse. They think, and, even more important, they don't have to hide this from their friends.

Here are some snippets:

(No, I didn't stay and party with the children. I figure that puts me in one of two camps: the pathetic forty-something trying desperately to be cool, needing the approval of children, or the parent who trusts her children so little she can't afford to leave them alone for a second. I was around for the first hour, while guests arrived and until a few minutes after my son showed up, and then for the last hour, to ensure they all left on schedule. A reasonable compromise, I figure.)

So, the snippets:

One of the girls came wearing a pink-and-red tutu over her jeans and carrying a magic wand. No one gave it a second's thought. ("Julia's in drama. They all do stuff like that.")    

Discussing a scene in the cafeteria earlier in the week:    
"She just uses indignation to get her way."    
"Yeah. Pre-emptive outrage."    
"Well, more like proactive outrage, because she's manipulating the outcome by going all hysterical."

Twenty minutes of computer talk which went completely over my head. They weren't talking about computer games, but about motherboards and processors and various other inner workings of the machines. (The one long-time friend who isn't in the gifted programme sits on the end of the couch with his girlfriend. "Do you know what they're talking about?" she asks him. "Nah." he says with his easy-going grin. "You get used to it.")    

"Have you finished your presentation for Mr. Science Teacher?"    
"I thought I was done, but then I found out about some research they're doing at McGill that takes it in a whole new direction, and he's given me an extension so I can try to contact the research team."

"Ian! Hey, Ian, I didn't know you'd be coming!"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Hey, man, you know you don't come to half these things."
"Nothing wrong with being anti-social."
"He's a misanthrope."
"Misanthropy rules, dude!"
[Catch this? Words of more than two syllables - and they ALL know what they mean.]    

One girl, who's in a theatre troupe that gives sex and sexuality presentations in junior and senior high schools, described how a certain principal had not allowed them to present part of their show. "It was 'too mature a subject' for his students."    
"How old were the students?" I asked.    
"Grade nine."     Someone else wanted to know which part had been prohibited. She suggested they guess.    
"Abortion?"    
nope.    
"Homosexuality?"    
nope    
"Sexual assault?"    
nope

   
Ummm... so what was it?    

"Masturbation."    

"WHAT?" One boy shouts out. "The one aspect of the whole presentation that they have the most experience with??"     General roar of laughter.    
[So sensible. No tittering, no squeamishness, but no prurience, either. Such a great bunch.]

And the movie they chose to watch? Monty Python's Holy Grail. Heh. In other circles, they'd be the geeks and the outcasts. Here, 'geek' is normal -- "normal" is boring. I love these kids.

Comments

[margalit]

They don't sound like outcasts at all. They sound exactly like my profoundly gifted son...smart, aware, and a lot of fun to be around most of the time.

[Amy]

This makes me feel so much better about my 11 yr old gifted son. There is hope!

[Audra]

I hope my kids are that geeky lol

[the planet of janet]

oh i love this! i have gifted boys who wrote the book on underachievement.

sigh.

[malinda]

great post... thank you. and I learned something... I had to look up misanthrope

[Daisy]

I love Monty Python and the Holy Grail! We had a pet rabbit who was a ringer for the Beast like no Other.

[Florinda]

See, to me this all sounds perfectly "normal" :-).

My son was on the accelerated track through high school, so most of his friends were like your son's. The few times he ended up in classes outside of honors and AP made him very appreciative of his "outside" status. My stepson looks to be headed the same way.

Geekiness is family tradition. We've learned to revel in it, but it took a long time. Our kids seem to have embraced it a lot earlier, and good for them!

[Lynn K.]

My 12 DD is in gifted and she is most definitely a nerd and a geek. And she knows it : ) While others are watching hannah montana, she is watching star wars and making lego movies. In fact, we were out today and she bought something that would impress ANY star wars geek out there. I'll be uploading the pics this evening : )

[Emma kw]

Geeks and nerds rule!! My daughter and friends would rather play board games, watch discovery channel programs like Man vs Wild or Dirty Jobs. They go to the beach, and one of them brings his violin to " serenade the waves". ( I heard him play - this boy is very talented!!). They actually engage my hubby and I in conversation! I love them all to bits and will miss them terribly when they all leave for college this fall...

[Ilona]

Isn't it great that so many geeky kids now actually do have a peer group, a social arena where it's accepted and safe to be a geek?

There seems to be a shift happening these days, and I think maybe it's an effect of the internet, whereby "geek" and "nerd" are becoming acceptable social classifications, rather than automatically consigning one to the pariah bin.

I'm sure it varies from place to place and school to school, but it's encouraging!