...when you politely remind your 17yo it's time to be off the computer, he sneers and throws his headphones off the table. Dramatic? Hell, yeah. (Where's the Emmy Nominating Committee?)
...when you suggest maybe his headaches are not just post concussive syndrome but could be related to computer usage times..."You have no idea what you're talking about! You're hurting my head more!"(He guessed my evil plan, shucks.)
...your 19yo is all about being independent until he comes down with a nasty case of strep and decides to wake you at 7:30a.m. Sunday morning to let you know it's worse. You cannot imagine my exhilaration about the fact he still needs me. Yah. Shore.
...waiting in the Urgent Care Sunday morning with 30 other sick people. Having taken microbiology I am acutely aware of the exponential rates bacteria grows at. I wanted to get up and bleach everyone! It took all my will power not to do this.
...trying to monitor 19yo's use of vicodin, I think most of ya know the~if one pill's good then 2 must be awesome school of thought.
...the sound of stomping feet at least once a day.
...loud, racist,sexist, foul mouthed rap music until you insist he turn it off or put his headphones on. The look that could slice me into pieces is a priceless teenager skill.
...crude comments. Girls. farts, commercials, you name it they can make a crude comment about it. It's special boy teenager talent.
...random outbursts of misdirected anger 5-7 times a week. Isn't he so cute when he's angry? NOT, KNOT, NOTT.
...having every comment you make argued with/against.
...a constant issue of missing food. I go to look for something and POOF! it's gone.
...the never ending sound of texting and/or vibrating phones.
...they only listen when they want to, oh wait! That's all males, isn't it? My Bad.
...they are always somewhere you want to be, IE. the one bathroom, the kitchen table, in the same house. You toddler mommys think you have no alone time? Neither do the mothers of teens w/o driver's licenses.
...the pungent aroma of AXE shower gel. (No girl with smell receptors could like this crap.)
...the pungent aroma of feet, among other things.
...Random accusations. "Did you take my _________? I can't find and I know I put it here, what did you do with it?" Are you kidding son? I don't clean anywhere! Even for you!
...that vacant stare when they have their iPods on or they just woke up.
These are the joys of my life.
Oh.My.Lord. No one who is not the parent of teenage boys could have written this. My 18-y-o adult child has a toothache and wonders why the dentist won't prescribe Vicodin (or even Tylenol 3). It would be a bad thing and the dentist knows it. The crude comments. The Axe (ew), the FEET! The buzzing/ringing of phones. The missing food, the in-your-way, the sucking of teeth and rolling of eyes, the accusations of taking their things... Yeah I woke up this morning and before my feet hit the floor, I was plotting. Yeah.
It warms the cockles of my heart to know I am not alone.
Posted by: clickmichelle | June 02, 2008 at 11:56 AM
Smell of feet??? I took my car into the mechanic because I thought some animal had crawled into the engine and died (we live in a semi-rural area and my car is outside). Turns out my son shoved his athletic shoes under the front seat!!!!!!!!!!!!! Talk about gross!
Posted by: Nancy | June 02, 2008 at 01:18 PM
What IS the attraction of Axe? My son (19) wore that stuff for about six months until his sisters (22 and almost 15) FINALLY convinced him that to girls it smells like roadkill. (His girlfriend is much, much too sweet to say anything so blunt. His girlfriend is much, much too sweet for her own good...)
His foot odor seems to have improved greatly this year. Thanks be for small mercies.
Posted by: Ilona | June 02, 2008 at 03:16 PM
Yes.
yes.
yes.
yep.
yep.
yes and yes and yes and yes.
He's not talking to me right now because I won't let him have the mouse off of my office computer. Considering I work from home and it's still NOT 5 pm. He broke the home computer mouse because he got pissed.
Posted by: Ree | June 02, 2008 at 04:18 PM
Do you read the comic strip Zits? It's perfect. It is all true -- much like your post! Ah, the teens. What they didn't tell us when we complained about the terrible twos.
Posted by: Daisy | June 02, 2008 at 05:04 PM
I will happily trade mine in for a toddler. You are not alone!!
Posted by: Erin | June 02, 2008 at 08:45 PM
Oh yes. The sisterhood of being the mother of a teenage monster, wait, I mean boy(s). I did not even mention the encrusted food on the plates in their rooms....
It is terrific knowing it is not only my sons or my life. :) Thank you all.
Posted by: JaniceNW | June 02, 2008 at 11:33 PM
I am so with you on that Axe stuff! Yuck! Sensory overload--even hours later! LOL!
Hope your son is feeling better!
Great list!
Posted by: Stacey | June 04, 2008 at 01:10 PM
axe...My son doesn't have it but sometimes he will come home reeeeking! They have AXE WARS...if a little isn't bad enough.
He heads straight for the shower.
Posted by: annie | June 04, 2008 at 03:56 PM
...they only listen when they want to, oh wait! That's all males, isn't it? My Bad.
Yes, I'm afraid so!
...the pungent aroma of AXE shower gel. (No girl with smell receptors could like this crap.)
Agreed. I can handle it in small doses, but most teen boys douse themselves in it....as if they're trying to attract all girls within a sixty mile radius!
One of my boys' Axe deodorant somehow got smashed in his gym bag without the top on it (of course! Does it ever happen any other way?) and it all emptied into my car one night. Took me a year or more to get the smell out, and it's probably still not completely gone. I've probably just gotten used to it by now.
And don't forget how they just keep on and on and on and on and ON when they want something really bad. I'd sometimes rather butt skulls with a battering ram.
Posted by: Devilish Southern Belle | June 07, 2008 at 11:18 PM