A total bust

Crossposted at What Was I THINKING?

Today's IEP meeting for the Girl was one of the most frustrating moments of my life. The school...well, they certainly made it clear that they have nothing to offer her. They want her to go to the other high school. She is refusing. We're at a total impasse. She won't even go to visit the program they're recommending. She feels like the high school is rejecting her and refusing her desire to come back to school. They feel that she needs supports they can't (or won't) offer.

I'm so upset. She's angry and stubborn and won't even consider alternatives.

They're angry and stubborn and won't even consider alternatives.

I can't make anyone move towards a compromise.

I honestly don't know what to do. She really has good points. She doesn't want to change schools. She wants to stay where she's emotionally happy. She knows plenty of kids at the other high school, but she also knows that the drug problem is much more severe there, and that the kids she knows in the other program will only lead her into more trouble. She's cognizent of the social issues but she's also so freaking stubborn that she just will not even make an effort. Not even to go visit the program. She's stated that if she's forced to go into this program she will drop out of school, and since she'll be 16, it's going to be hard to stop her.

She's totally blown math for this semester, but after meeting her math teacher, I now get why. He's an arrogant SOB who really had nothing pleasant to say about her. I mean nothing. After the meeting I sat down with her and she reveals to me why her math teacher was complaining about her. He said that she's the smartest person in the class and has the ability to do good work in a Curriculum 1 class. Well no shit, Sherlock. She WAS in a Curriculum 1 math class and the school, in it's infinite wisdom, changed her schedule and the only math class available that period was one about 5 levels below what she was in before she went to the hospital. Aarrrghhh.

Plus, she has complained ever since she got back to school about this teacher. Some of her issues: he sits at his desk and talks about his camping and hiking instead of teaching math. He doesn't wear shoes or socks in class and puts his feet up on the desk (she has an issue with feet and is totally grossed out by this). He allows kids to wear Ipods in class. He doesn't care if kids are late or leave early. He has totally checked out of teaching because he only teaches the burnout kids in the special programs. While I get his burnout status, having taught some of those kids myself, I'm sorry, but he has no right to not even TRY to teach, and then to sit at the meeting and make it sound like she's totally at fault that she isn't doing anything.

After the meeting, I got a phone call from her support person, and she confirmed what the Girl said about the math teacher. I mean, she went as far as telling me to talk to the head of the math department to express my concerns. So I know that what the Girl said is at least accurate. And I will be calling the math head.

Her biology teacher, OTOH, recommended that she go into Curriculum 1 chemistry next year, and said she was doing well. So did her tutor who is helping her in English. But it didn't matter. The school had NO alternative plan. It was go to this program, in which they have already made space for her, or tough noogies. Soooo unacceptable.

She's so upset. She doesn't understand why the school is 'kicking her out.' She feels that it's all her fault and she just won't acknowledge that they are also to blame. She doesn't get that adults can be so uncooperative. I'm not that way ever with her, and she expects other people to listen to her and work with her the way I do. Fat Chance! It's a very hard lesson to learn, and she's resisting learning it on all fronts.

She's just been so disappointed lately. Her therapist is irresponsible and misses about half her appointments. Her tutor came 3 times in 3 weeks due to other commitments. People let her down all the time and she feels like they are rejecting her when they're just acting like asshats.

I feel so sorry for her. I'm so angry and so upset and so horribly sad. It is ridiculous that we're in this place.

Next step, reporting school to the state for non-compliance.

Oh, and I have GOT to tell you this one. Because it just about made my head explode. The reason I have refused to sign the IEP all year is that her latest IEP didn't include her diagnosis of NVLD. It was like she was cured or something. So today I bring the private psychologist's report showing her obvious NVLD diagnosis as Axis II. The school psychologist says that the new WISC doesn't test for many of the NVLD subtests. So, voila. If you don't test for it, it no longer exists. Um, I think not. I did not let them get away with that one. The schmucks.

Comments

[Erin]

Oh, Margalit, I feel your pain! hang in there.

[Shellie]

What a nightmare!!! Keep bugging them and report the school, dumb math teacher, everything!!! Look for really alternative options besides the 2 schools, is there any other way? I so feel for you.

[Susan]

How frustrating! Yes, definitely report that school. I feel so bad for your daughter too. I hope you can get something worked out so she doesn't drop out of school.