He didn't learn that from me...did he?!

My cell phone rang when I was at the Walgreens picking up tylenol. It was Amigo's teacher. My blood pressure and pulse rates rose immediately. "Do I need to hurry home? Is it an emergency?" No, it wasn't, but she advised me to check his jump drive for a persuasive speech he was writing. His notes contained some racist statements, she said, and I would be shocked, and the associate principal wanted to meet with us. Soon.

I bought the tylenol and didn't even bother looking for the rest. I went home, started supper, and felt the pain as my jaw stiffened with tension waiting for my wayward teen to arrive home. 

The statements in his notes were negative, but vague. We had a painful but productive discussion, resulting in tears (his) and a request to go back to counseling (also his). Among other statements, I managed to read between the lines that he was still in pain from his ongoing illness, schoolwork is difficult this year, and he is exhausted. A teen with Asperger's has two strikes already in communicating: teens don't talk to their Moms (if they can help it), and teens with Asperger's have a hard time identifying their emotions, much less communicating them accurately. When he's upset, I see Amigo struggling with these two strikes magnified.

I made the appointment with the administrator. Husband and I did our homework, checking out Amigo's Internet history (yes, we do monitor his computer use) and talked with him again. When we arrived at school, I told the staff that we were afraid of being blindsided, hit with more bad news without warning. Their response? "Oh, no, no, it's just the speech and the appropriateness of the topic." Gee, people, you could have been more forthcoming on this. Our past experiences with the district have unfortunately led us to this type of paranoia.

Eventually, we discussed how difficult it is for him to filter information on a hot topic such as discrimination, disabilities, and race, no matter how much help he gets, and helped him choose a different topic for his persuasive speech. But really, the racism? I have no idea where he got it. At 6, we could ask "Where did you hear this?!" At 16? It's a lot tougher.

Comments

[Jenny]

Blindsided. Pain and worry. That's most of my experience with my kids' schools. Good or bad, it's someone ELSE messing with your kid. One of my sons had unfortunate feelings toward some of his classmates and we had to talk that out. Good luck with Amigo.
Jenny

[JaniceNW]

My 17yo had some issues with this in 9th and 10th grade. It was a hanging out with the guys thing and he did not learn it from me or his father. We discussed it but I am pretty sure it went on all of ninth grade. Every bad word my boys know they learned in the hallways of public school.

Best wishes.

[Daisy]

Thanks for the support. There was a bomb threat at his school, so tomorrow the place will be crawling with cops and the tension will be thick. We've talked through all the precautions, and I feel safe sending him as usual. But worry...it just grows.