Rewards of my Good Behaviour

Written by Ilona

Last spring, after four years of university at my very own alma mater (I'm so proud) my eldest earned herself a degree in anthropology. Haley loved her studies, particularly those aspects surrounding ritual and rites of passage. She loved university, she loved her courses, her profs, all that amazing new information. When she finished her undergrad, she was going to pursue a Master's degree. Field work in some exotic locale. It was all very exciting.

Which is why, three weeks after her courses ended and before she had the B.A. in her eager little hands, she'd enrolled in college to become an RMT -- a Registered Massage Therapist. Not grad school. College.*

She didn't want to become an anthropologist after all.

When she told me last spring, she was a little nervous. Would mum go ballistic? Berate her for the waste of time and money? Scold her for not being able to make up her mind? Try to guilt her into pursuing the field of her degree? Worry to death about her daughter's inevitable starvation on the streets? Scream, cry, faint?

Perhaps some of those options flitted through my head as she spoke, but when I opened my mouth, gracious pearls of motherly acceptance fell from my lips. Sincere gracious pearls.

"You're twenty-one. This is your time to explore your options. This is your time to decide who you are. If you don't chase what interests you now, you may never get to. You'd already planned on a master's. You'll be spending the same amount of time in studies, and this way, with the therapist training, you'll have two possible career options to pursue."

You know, I totally ROCK as a mother. Sometimes I just sit back and watch myself in maternal action with a big silly grin on my face.

And last month I received the reward for my Excellent Mothering. It was March Break up here. (No, we don't call it "Spring" break. When it's 22F out there, and the snow outside my window is drifted five feet deep... Spring? HA.)

It's March Break, and I spent the first three days of the week visiting Haley at her apartment in her city, seven hours away.

And while I was there, I went to her college, where her classmates were delighted to meet "Haley's mom". While I was at the college, where they are always looking for guinea pigs on whom to practice their craft, I ...

- received a salt scrub. Oh, my invigorated body! Oh, my tingly new skin!
- AND have the recipe to do it myself, at home!
- sat in a steam box for twenty minutes. Warm, warm, warm to the marrow of my bones. Mmmmm...
- had an hour-long massage on my creaky old back
- got a diagnosis of potential cause of the the recurrent back pain!!
- and was taught some stretches for it
- had a second hour-long massage to get rid of a series of knots in my calf. (I told you I was creaky.)

I went home a NEW WOMAN, I tell you! I am totally ON to something here. Once you're past forty ... Huh. Let us not be coy: When you're pushing fifty, those aches and pains are only going to get more common. And now, right in my very own family, I have an ache-and-pain PROFESSIONAL.

And have I earned a lifetime of free massages and general whole-body pampering?

You bet your butt I have.

*In Canada, university is for professions; college is for trades. Universities grant degrees; colleges give certificates and diplomas. There are the odd hybrid exception to this rule, but it's pretty standard.

Comments

[Judy Larsen]

Ilona, you do rock as a mom! I am so jealous. And, as someone who gets monthly massages, your daughter should be in high demand for employment. How great! And yes, there are certain windows when our kids can explore. Try things out. Give it a shot. Your daughter is in one of those now. As is my oldest son (just about to graduate from college). I've been giving him very similar advice. So far though it has not resulted in a salt scrub!

[Florinda]

Sounds like it was a lovely March break - for you! :-) That is a great reward for years of hard mothering work.

And I agree with your counsel to your daughter - this is the time to explore. Some young adults do seem to get on a track and close off other options very early. Then again, at some point they do have to pick something and settle in with it - at least for awhile - but it doesn't have to be at 21. As long as they're not living in their childhood bedroom for six years while they're doing that exploring...

And this American appreciates the clarification of the difference between "college" and "university," since they tend to be used interchangeably here.

[Zayna]

Kudos, you do rock!

Your early twenties are the perfect time for that kind of exploration...all the better that your daughter now has more options available to her.

And of course, who is going to begrudge free massage therapy?

Oh, btw, if there is an open call for guinea pigs...let me know.

[Daisy]

Ironic that I titled my post yesterday "going back to college!" I'll be staying at a university apartment, however uncouth, with my daughter tonight. She is such a night owl and I am such a morning person, we might actually only need one bed. :)

[Laura Benedict]

You DO rock! Your loving attitude toward your daughter is revealing and so refreshing. She's one lucky girl.

Now. Maybe she could meet a nice dentist....

[JaniceNW]

I adore salt scrubs!!! Makes me hallucinate that my cellulite has shrunk! Good stuff.

I did university right out of hs. Never graduated. Got married, had kids, raised kids, went back to college 3 years ago, I will have an associates degree by August and will be entering the nursing program in Sept~if I survive, I'll be an LPN by Sept 2009. I'll be 47. I am considering going for a BSN and perhaps a Masters in Mental Health........need to win the lotto first.

One son quit hs before gradauating. People tell me he'll get his degree eventually. My answer, he'll get his degree when HE wants his degree. We've both grown up in the past few years.

Enough babbling for now. Can you tell I have not talked to any feamle adults today?

[Di]

Now that your daughter is not pursuing anthropology, you might not be interested...but I am giving away a copy of Fieldwork on my blog (contest ends tomorrow.) It's a fictional account of an anthropologist in Thailand and how her life crosses paths with Christian missionaries. I'm much more articulate in my review on my blog.

[Ilona]

Judy - Thanks! It's too bad she lives so far away, because I would absolutely be having a monthly massage. Heck, I'd even be willing to *pay*!! As for your son? He just needs to have a radical change of career heart -- you never know what might happen. :-)

Florinda - It's quite likely true that I'm more able to be cheerfully supportive of this choice of hers because a) she'll be repaying her student loans herself and b) she likes being independent. (No extra three years in my basement!)

Zayna - If you can get yourself to her city, the college is always looking for guinea pigs! Always, for all sorts of lovely treatments.

Daisy - I slept on a suprisingly comfortable couch, in a surprisingly clean apartment. The girl has gotten quite domestic since she left home!

Laura - Thank you! She's met a nice philosophy/something major. (I always forget the other half of his double major!) At this point, his goal is PhD then professorship. Big plans!

Janice - "Makes me hallucinate..." LOL

I also went to university straight out of high school. (In fact, I left high school a year early, on an early-admission scholarship.) I graduated with an English degree and a teaching degree, both of which I have actually applied in any of my various jobs along the way maybe... oh... five years out of 25? Do I think my education was wasted? Not at all!

Di - That sounds vaguely familiar. She may have read it already, but I'll send her the link. Thanks!