"We've got a new rat at mom's house, eh?" My Big Stepson (19) informs me.
"Yes, Small Stepson (12) was telling me he got a new one. Is it male or female?"
"Girl this time."
"Oh, good, because male rats just gross me out, you know? I was always nice about Small's boy rat, but, urgh."
Big Stepson grins down at me. (Six foot and some, two hundred pounds and some, a former football player - he's a big, smart, and charming boy young man.) "It'd be their..." He raises an eyebrow. Grins some more.
"Testicles. Yup. They're huge! I mean, sometimes those things drag on the ground behind them! It's revolting."
"You know what the guy at the pet store told us?"
My look is anticipatory, eyebrows raised.
"He said that rats are most likely to die of cancer --"
"I know that. Our last rat died of cancer."
"Or their scrotum explodes."
"WHAT?!?"
"Yeah. Apparently, their testicles never stop growing, and one day, BOOM."
"Geez. I guess I'm glad ours got cancer."
"I think you should be."
Does any of that count as "The Talk"? Picture it: "Yes, and if you use yours before you're married, that's just what will happen to you, too."
Posted by: suburbancorrespondent | March 22, 2008 at 08:30 AM
Makes me glad I have 2 girls.
Posted by: Lynn | March 22, 2008 at 08:45 AM
Noooo...OMG...does that really happen? Too funny!
Posted by: Debbie | March 22, 2008 at 09:34 AM
Snort. I should've had this example at my disposal when I taught sex ed!
Posted by: Daisy | March 22, 2008 at 09:39 AM
*Laughing at SuburbanCorrespondent*
Desert tortoises too-- holy cow the pair on those guys... I called the vet once, worried that his guts were falling out. Seriously. She calmly explained what I was seeing was normal, but when I hung up the phone? You just know she laughed until she cried.
Posted by: Margy | March 22, 2008 at 12:04 PM
You learn something new everyday! Makes me glad I put my foot down and said no rats or snakes!
Posted by: justmylife | March 22, 2008 at 12:12 PM
Oh, that's just gross.
Not the conversation with your stepson, that seemed almost like a bonding moment.
But the conclusion to it...yikes, I have way to vivid an imagination for stuff like that.
True or not, eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww!
Posted by: Zayna | March 22, 2008 at 01:21 PM
Oh yikes! I have a 1 yr old male rat and recently purchased a second one so that they could keep each other company. Now I need to worry that their balls will blow up?! I better not let Lil Miss P know about that huh?
Posted by: Penelope | March 22, 2008 at 01:23 PM
I could have lived at least another 30 years without that visual, thank your son for me
Posted by: Audra | March 22, 2008 at 05:52 PM
Heh, it's very true, although it must be noted that I only saw it happen to one of my siblings' pets. Pretty much every one of them dies of cancer, from my experience.
But, I've seen the unfortunate results. So, it's worth remembering -- not that you could forget anyways!
-Ben (the 6'0", 210 lb, quasi-charming stepson)!
Posted by: nebcanuck | March 22, 2008 at 07:33 PM
Oh, and Audra, you're welcome :).
-Ben
Posted by: nebcanuck | March 22, 2008 at 07:34 PM
My rat was a girl, too. Because yeah, ick.
Posted by: kittenpie | March 22, 2008 at 08:11 PM
Oh my goodness never heard of that.
Posted by: Laurel Wreath | March 22, 2008 at 08:37 PM
Um, back when I was a teenager and in college I owned something upwards of 60 rats, and this just ain't true. Funny, but not true.
Posted by: Ann | March 22, 2008 at 08:55 PM
SuburbanCorrespondent: Snort. Nice, but, nope, I can't see it. They'd know we were lying in a heartbeat. I try to maintain my credibility in these matters...
Lynn: Two girl humans, or two girl rats?
Debbie: I don't believe it, but Ben (the charming stepson, as you'll see) still does! We should check in with a vet.
Daisy: I'm curious to know just what you'd have done with this tidbit in a sex ed class!
Margy: I'll just bet she did. But you know what else? Unless she's a brand-new vet, I'll bet that's not the first time she's had that conversation.
Justmylife: I'm not struck on rats myself. Yes, they're smart and they make good pets, but: they have a peculiar smell (even when clean) that I just don't like; their tails gross me out; they chew like... rodents!; and they die of cancer at a ferocious rate.
Zayna: It's gross, all right. I know lots of people love rats, but I've never been able to warm to them.
Penelope: "Their balls will blow up" had me snorting with laughter. Too funny. Gross, but funny!
Audra: Hey, guess what! He's reading!
Ben: Do you remember this conversation? It's been edited for brevity - and humour - but that's about how it went, yes?
Re: rats exploding boy bits? We'll have to agree to disagree on this. Personally, my theory is that rat you remember, whose (to put it in Penelope's straightforward way) balls blew up probably had a tumor in there. But I have a friend who's a vet -- who, moreover, works in a research facility. I'm going to ask her.
p.s. "quasi" nothing. I know from charming. :-)
Kittenpie: We are of one mind on that. There'a a time and place for those things, and dragging on the ground behind a rat just ain't it. Ugh.
Laurel W - And aren't you just so glad you have now???
Ann - Thanks for the input. Sixty! Obviously you enjoy the little beggars more than I do! I suspect you're quite right, but I will be asking my vet friend about it. Enquiring minds want to know!
Posted by: Ilona | March 23, 2008 at 12:41 PM
I can tell you from eyewitness experience that the testicles thing also applies to hamsters. My son's first pet, MC Hamster, was quite a surprise to me in that respect.
Oh, I should clarify - I mean the HUGE testicles thing. I fortunately never did witness the exploding-scrotum thing...
Posted by: Florinda | March 23, 2008 at 12:51 PM
ok. i'm not sure what is funnier, the post or the comments.
this is just one (among MANY) reasons why i won't have rodentia in my house.
Posted by: janet | March 24, 2008 at 01:47 AM
Ilona:
Certainly I remember the conversation! And, as you said, even though it may not have been quite as perfectly scripted as this, it was certainly very similar!
I can disagree to disagree in this case! I seriously was told by the pet store clerk that it could happen, but I'm with you that it would make sense that there was some other cause for the occurrence. I don't believe it was a tumour -- there wasn't any sign of any foreign lump around the testes at the time -- but some illness or something would make perfect sense.
Still, the fact that their testicles can explode, regardless of the cause being natural and frequent or simply a weird disease, is rather amusing by me!
Posted by: nebcanuck | March 24, 2008 at 11:01 AM
Good job it doesn't apply to us!!!!!
Posted by: johng | March 24, 2008 at 03:24 PM