Mid-CenturyModernMoms

Road Trips!

Amigo and I planned to do some road tripping this summer. So far we've only "tripped" a little, but it's setting the stage for more. 

Our first Road Trip was to Miller Park in Milwaukee for a Milwaukee Brewers Baseball game. It's about a 2 hour drive, not too long as summer road trips go. 

The good? We cheered for a couple of home runs, drank our fill of sodas, and dressed in our best Brewers colors. Someone in the gift shop wanted to buy my t-shirt, in fact. Sorry, bud. No sale. 

The bad? The Brewers lost. 

The ugly? It was so hot we didn't even last long enough for the sausage races. We took refuge in the air conditioned gift shop (see above) and then left early, listening to the rest of the game in our air conditioned car. 

Another Road Trip involved a longer drive to the Chicago area where we visited the adorable Shoe Baby and her family. 

The good? Smooth highways, no traffic jams, and the iPass making tollways easy. 

More good? Happy baby, fun talking with brother and sister-in-law. 

More good? Tunes! We brought a few special CDs chosen by Amigo, and these kept us happy on the last legs of the drive. 

The bad? La Petite wasn't able to join us. She was still finishing her final ceramics class and getting her projects back to her apartment. She adores her baby cousin and wanted to visit, too.

The ugly? Weather. We got lucky on the way there, despite the heat and humidity. Had we traveled a day earlier, there would have been ugly weather; Milwaukee got his with a severe storm causing major flooding and sinkholes, including one big enough to swallow a Cadillac Escalade. Holy Hungry Earth, Batman, that's a big city sinkhole! No rain was in the forecast for Chicago, though, so I left my windows open a crack while we went to dinner and - you guessed it. Soaked! Well, supper was delicious. I'll count it on the plus side.

In planning our next road trip, we'll keep good, bad, and ugly in mind. Good: plan ahead. Bad: Make lists. Get a good night's sleep ahead of time.  Ugly: Be prepared to cope with the weather, since the weather is one variable out of our control. 

A Glorious Vacation

Have you ever been on a vacation and the best part of it was the planning before you went?  Of course you've had that happen to you.

But not this time!!!

Abe and I and my Dad (zeyde) and my SIL and BIL and her 3 kids all went to Colonial Williamsburg for a week.  Of course, we (accidently) picked a week that was mostly 20F hotter than normal, so it was baking, but we all had a great time!!  (At least after we got there- flight delays and an issue at the rental car, but those were just at  the beginning, so it all got wiped away.)

Abe took the part of a juror in a trial...

We watched the British take occupation of Williamsburg, and visited the Colonial Governor's Palace..

   

Hung out at the condo and generally had a good time together.

And even came home not too exhausted.  What a lovely time!!

The Family Cruise

We had a lovely vacation, thank you for asking.  It would have been perfect if the weather had been 5-10 F warmer, but we weren't complaining (much).  The Caribbean and the Yucatan are under the same cold weather that has been spreading snow in the southern US, but we still wore shorts (sometimes) and went in the water (a bit).

Rosie wanted to spend a lot of time working on her tan, but this was inside the Solarium, so we were out of the wind on our first sea day, but maybe not catching all of the UV rays (better for her, actually).

The first night out, the casino had lessons.  The better to reel those suckers in.  Abe and I both went but he was the only one of us to go back and actually gamble.  He wanted to take his whole wallet full of money with him, but mean ole mom would only let him take $30.  The short story of it all is that he managed to win enough each night over the 5 nights for him to have a net gain (a little over double).  Not bad.  Even if he'd lost it all, he still would've had 5 nights of entertainment.

In Costa Maya, we went to see some Mayan ruins.  Abe and I had a good time, and so did Rosie, but she won't admit it.

The next day, in Cozumel, with a chilly wind blowing, we went swimming with the dolphins!!!  Ours was named Regina.  Luckily, the water was a lot warmer than the air.  We had a great time.

We had planned on staying at the beach the rest of the day, but after getting buffetted by the waves into the fence at the dolphin lagoon and getting some scratches and being cold, we came back to the ship.

Both port days, our ship (about 2400 passengers) was docked next to another Royal Caribbean Line ship.  And we were the baby ship next to the Independence with its 4000 passengers!  The kids and I agreed, though, that we actually liked better the smaller ship that we cruised on 3 years ago (also RCL).

But some other people told us that the best ship that they had been on was the next size up, with 3500 passengers.

Our dinner table companions were from New Jersey and Paris.   A couple celebrating their 30th anniversary and a cardiologist and his biologist wife who vacation either 6-10 weeks since he has such a high stress job. (Not to mention the amount of vacation time that they get in France.)  So we have invitations to both places.  I pick Paris over NJ!  Who knows? Maybe someday.

Overall, it was an extremely relaxing vacation- just what we needed. I just wish that my inner ear knew that we were back on solid land.  We'll be moving soon to the new condo, so there's lots to do now.  Ah, now when is that next vacation?

The perks of business travel

Normally, one wouldn't be talking about business travel in a column that is focusing on parenting teenagers.  But on the other hand, those teens have to deal with mom going off on business travel.

But this post is more about kids who will be teenagers soon, my niece and nephews.  Ora has lucked out in that one of the places that she needs to travel to is near where these relatives live.  One of  my big fears always was that my niece and nephews weren't going to know my immediate family.  This set because they live half-way across the country and the other set because I was afraid of not getting together with them often enough.

But since Ora is a big believer in trying to make the best of things, I am happy (most of the time) to go on business trips.  With a far-flung family, it is possible that some family member lives nearby and I'll certaintly willing to let the company pay for a visit!!

So this last trip to the Minneapolis area, I was able to have dinner and the evening with the little kids.  Just normal stuff of eating and doing homework and tucking them into bed, and getting and giving hugs.  But just  being around them, and having them be comfortable around me is (in the words of a credit card commercial) Priceless!!

In the moment

Em's been away on a 3 day school excursion. As I work in the office of the school she attends, one of her teachers asked me how she was enjoying the excursion. He was a little taken aback when I laughed. I told him I had received a text from Em - she requested I record a tv program for one of the teachers on the excursion! Then I explained that Em seldom calls me when she's away from home as she's too busy being in the moment and enjoying every minute of each new experience. He nodded in understanding at my explanation.

And that's the way it always has been with Em. I don't think she's ever been home sick - even as a small child. While she's always glad to return home, during the time she's away she is totally in that experience. Of course these days I can text Em, and she'll happily reply, but I feel as though I'm interfering, imposing myself unnecessarily and detracting from her independence, so I mostly refrain.

I collected Em from the excursion at 9pm Friday night and she filled me in on the places she'd seen, the goings on of other students and quirks of the accompanying teachers. Saturday morning I drove her to her first event of the day at 7.30am and collected her from her last event at 10.30pm that night, having had a few shuffles in between. I enjoy Em and her zest for life, but, gee, the mini-holiday of the school excursion was really nice!

As Em plans on leaving home in 18 months time, I've been thinking about the implications her 'in the moment' thinking will have on my half empty nest.  I feel the need to have a plan for not only my time, but also my emotional tank.  For while Em is a typical 16 year old with the associated rollercoaster of emotions happening, which sometimes drains my emotional tank, she has am enjoyable personality which replenishes my emotional tank.  When she leaves home there will be a big void in my everyday life, both physically and emotionally.  I'm hoping that once she really has her independence, texting & emailing will keep us connected and not feel like an imposition.

Total Tourists

We just got back from the most fantastic vacation trip to San Diego!!  It was me (Ora), the kids (Abe and Rosie) and my Dad (Zeyde).  I had planned this trip last year before Jim died and we decided to still go.  (Dad was already included)

We were the proto-typical tourists in shorts, hats and carrying guidebooks and cameras.  And we had a ball!!

 

 We went to Seaworld (twice)

 The first time, on the first day, we started in the morning and went until dinner time

And then we came back another day to see the shows in the evening

to the Wild Animal Park (morning to noon and then at dusk)

The heat was horrible!!!  We were all dying- and refilling the water bottles all of the time, so we left around 1 pm and then came back at 6 pm.  The animals were a lot more awake then.

to the San Diego Zoo (a little disappointing after the Wild Animal Park)- but the monkeys were Rosie's favorites

While Abe's favorites were the elephants

And everyone loves the Pandas!!!

to the Old Town- the original site of San Diego, to the aircraft carrier the USS Midway (Abe and I both could've spent a LOT more time there) and to the Marine Recruit Depot Museum

to Coronado Island (boring), and to the beach (yes, we all got sunburned there).

And best of all, there was very little sniping or grumbling.  No one was yelling at anyone else (except to get Abe moving in the mornings) and we ALL had a really good time.

San Diego is a lovely place to visit and even though we were very busy seeing things, we didn't see even half of everything. I even came back relaxed and Zeyde thanked me for inviting him along.  I would love to go back.

Reality checks can be expensive

The cell phone bill arrived this week. I'd been wondering when it would get here.

It probably took so long because it's FREAKING ENORMOUS. Too heavy for the truck. Gave the mailman a hernia. I didn't know precisely how big it would be, but I knew I was in trouble when I discovered that Rebekah had bought herself a cell phone charger while in France.

See, she took her cell phone with her, but forgot her charger. "Perfect!" I chortled in my Evil Mother heart. She'd be able to text me to let me know she'd made her flights and transfers along the way there, but once it ran out of juice, that would be that. No international calls or texting. An oh-so-simple way to curtail the enormous damage a teen with a cell phone could do to the family budget when in a different country.

Of course we warned her of the dangers of international cell phone charges, but... she is fifteen. In fact, I had reasonable confidence in her ability to rein herself in, but... she never turns the damned thing off. She'll complain like crazy when friends wake her at two in the morning with a text or a call, but when I suggest she turn it off before bed, you'd think I'd suggested she poke out an eardrum so as not to hear it. And if she doesn't turn it off, people can call and text HER, can't they?

So, while Rebekah might be able to NOT make a call or send a text, do I have any confidence that half her class will also exercise similar restraint? HA!

She forgot her charger? Mwah-ha. I couldn't have planned it better had I tried. And then her brother mentioned the replacement charger. I emailed immediately, with shaking fingers.

"STOP USING YOUR CELL PHONE! DO NOT CALL, DO NOT TEXT! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW EXPENSIVE THAT CAN GET! TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF NOW!!!!!"

She did.

It was too late.

The cell phone bill?

$757.68

SEVEN HUNDRED FIFTY-SEVEN DOLLARS AND SIXTY-EIGHT CENTS.

In eleven days.

I waited a day before I showed her the bill. I think this was the first time I've ever seen anyone "blanche". You read about it in books, but now I know what it looks like. Her skin went dead white, her big grey eyes flew as wide as I've ever seen them go.

"Seven hundred dollars?" Her voice was thready and weak.

"And fifty-seven, sixty-eight." Mine was firm. Because me, I'm over the shock. Time for action. "Good thing you kept your job, huh?"

Wow. You can go whiter than 'blanched' and still stay upright. Who knew?

We haven't worked out the repayment details yet. I figured one kick in the head was enough to start with.

To be continued...

Battle of the Paradigms

Last night, I did my child's homework.

You have NO IDEA how radical that statement is, coming from this mother. In 23 years of parenting, I have never, not once, even CONSIDERED doing that. My feeling is, they get the work, it's their responsibility. They don't complete the work, they take the consequences. That's life.

I may suggest approaches, I will toss off the odd spelling. I will brainstorm, encourage, ply with snacks and occasionally (though rarely) nag. Mostly I just provide the space, materials, and peace, and leave them to it, expecting them to get on with it. It's their education.

But last night, I was up late creating a presentation, text and visual aids, with the skilled assistance of my son. Adam and I did his sister's homework. Shocking! Unheard of!

How did it come to this?

Timeline:
January: Rebekah tells her teachers that she will be missing two or three weeks of school toward the end of the term in order to travel to France. They nod and smile (or frown, according to their native disposition). Her French teacher is delighted. "Take lots of pictures, and when you come back, you can tell me about them (in French, of course!). That will be your final presentation." Well, good. One down...

February: Rebekah gives her teachers her confirmed flight dates. Now there is some harrumphing about missing the last three weeks of school.

Well, yes. I'd have preferred to send her after school let out, too, but this is when my cousins could take her. Besides, at least two of the last three weeks are generally review. She's not going to miss much course-work, and she'll be back for exams, but she could be missing final assignments, which is why, in...

March: I call the school, leaving a message with the office staff for the teachers to call me. I would like her to receive the final assignments in time for her to complete them before leaving, so she'd need to receive them by mid-April.

April: Having not yet heard from any teacher, I go to the school website to look up the teacher's email addresses. They are not on the website. I phone once again, this time trying to set up a face-to-face meeting, and once again, hear nothing. (Who's dropping the ball here? Office staff or teachers? I have no idea.)

I contemplate storming the school gates... and I probably really should have, but I am soooo bad with face-to-face confrontation. No, I definitely should have. This is my responsibility in this whole debacle, and I accept it. Had I barged on down there and made some noise, refused to leave until we'd resolved this, I probably could have solved it then and there. Or maybe I would have wandered the halls not finding her teachers and feeling stupid.

No. I would have solved it, and that's what I should have done. But as I didn't, the saga continues...

May: We are now three weeks from departure. I send a letter to the principal informing him of my efforts and my concern that Rebekah still has not been given her final assignment, hoping to shake things up here. In an effort to assure him of the trip's Educational Merits, I inform him that Rebekah will be attending school there. (Part-time, but I didn't feel it necessary to tell him that.) I get a letter from him with a list of instructions, among which is "contact her teachers and make necessary arrangements." Oh, thank you.

Two weeks to go: I send in a letter with Rebekah, with instructions that she is to get each teacher to sign upon reading. I give all details, including my contact information (two phone numbers and an email). I get a prompt email from the French teacher, who is the only one who's on the ball, and who has never been a problem. I get a call from the art teacher the next day, who simply informs me that since Rebekah will not be in school when she's scheduled her in-class final exam, she will probably fail the course. We have Words. I'm not sure which of us prevailed.

The day before departure: Rebekah receives her final two assignments, to be completed in France, neither of which have anything to do with her travels.

This whole thing has just astonished me. To me, travel is education. Period. Well, unless your idea of travel is to get hammered on a beach somewhere. But if you're actually getting involved with the people and the culture... that's education. Education is about giving children skills and information that will enable them to grapple with the real world, the world outside the classroom. Education does not begin and end in a classroom.

And it was clear, clear, crystal clear that (apart from the French teacher) none of her teachers saw it that way at all. Hey, Ms. Art Teacher, who scolded her for "going on holiday" during school time. And threatened with her possible failure? The girl is spending time in PARIS! You know, where the LOUVRE is? The Louvre which -- with absolutely no help from you -- she is EXCITED to see? Surely you could see the educational merit in that? Surely you could use this somehow in her assignment???

Hey, Mr.History Teacher, whose curriculum this term covered Canada's involvement in World War Two? She's going to FRANCE! She'll be staying a few miles from DIEPPE! You know, where Canada played a heart-rendingly brave role in an tragically failed offensive? Could you possibly have used that in her final assignment?

I stood on that same beach some years ago. It is lined with cliffs, cliffs where you can still see the bunkers carved out of the rock. It is not a sandy beach. It is a pebble beach. I imagined young men, the age my son is now, trying to run on a river of marbles. I imagined the machine guns pointing at them from the cliffs as they struggled for shelter. I imagined them falling to the stones by the dozen, by the hundred. And I cried.

THAT's history. THAT's education.

But no. She's not going to be warming a chair in a row in a classroom. Therefore, her education is suffering.

I have news for you, hidebound teachers: this trip might be making her schooling suffer. It is YOU who are making her education suffer.

Bah.

And so, when Rebekah emailed me in a panic about her one remaining project. It was to be a Powerpoint presentation, but her computer had died -- she couldn't even turn it on -- the cousins don't have Powerpoint, her info is trapped in her computer, and there's NO WAY she's going to get this done...

Well, by then I'd about had it with hidebound bureaucratic dried sticks masquerading as educators...

"Tell me the assignment. Tell me everything you can remember of your work. Adam and I will do it and email it to you."

And that is why, for the first (and last) time in my parenting life, I did my child's homework last night.

And I do not feel guilty. In the slightest.

Bah.

Watch out: she's off to see the world!

Yes, La Petite left for Italy. We swallowed hard, re-adjusted the home equity line of credit, and paid the bill. It'll be worth it. Will she support us later when she's a famous travel photographer? Not in this economy. But I digress.

I took a personal day from my teaching job and drove two and a half hours to meet her, gather those belongings that needed to come home, and take her to the bus that would deliver her to O'Hare for the trip. I arrived mid-morning, travel coffee mug in hand. We packed the minivan and then went to our favorite local diner for lunch. It's easy to tell this is a local place with good prices and good food. The clientele is usually senior citizens and college kids. I was the rare in-between age, and my reason for being there was my college kid.

The next errand on the list was a visit to the local Big Box Store. La Petite needed a new battery for her watch, and coincidentally I had a watch in need of battery taking up a corner in my purse. We headed for the jewelry counter in the Big Box Store, and the staff said, "Sorry, we don't handle that brand of watch." We asked for options, and they suggested a jewelry store on Main Street in the tiny downtown. Just in case it wasn't open, La Petite decided to pick out an inexpensive watch so she would at least have one for the trip. She has tiny wrists, inherited from her mother, so we looked over the kids' watches.

Me: "Look, there's Spiderman! You could wear Spiderman!"

LaPetite: "I'd rather have Batman. Why don't they have Batman?"

Me: "Here's a purple one with cool skateboarder flames. Purple's your school color, right?"

LaPetite: "Okay. How about you, Mom?"

Me: "Me? I don't need a watch."

LaPetite: "Here's one! It's perfect."

The perfect watch from the kids' display? Daisies, of course. The watchband is decorated with daisies of many colors, the center of the watch face is a daisy, and the second hand is the flower stem. Perfect indeed. The photo is really poor; it's from my cell phone. You can't see the fun details of the new watches, but you can imagine the fun and the pride in our Mother-daughter pre-trip shopping spree of sorts.

If you're wondering, yes, we found the jewelry store in the tiny downtown, almost directly across the street from the diner at which we'd eaten lunch.

Business Trips or Work Funded Family Visits

I usually think of business trips as vacations for me.  Think about it.  Mom doesn't have to cook, clean or take care of anyone other than herself.  And, often, but not this trip, there is a hot tub to soak in and relax.

Normally, when I'm lucky enough to go on business trips, they are to places where I don't know anyone that I would socialize with.  Every once in a while that is changed.  This past trip actually took me to Minneapolis where my SIL and her family live (and I actually really like my SIL).

But our family doesn't get to see her family enough.  And I especially miss seeing my little niece and nephews!  But this trip, I win.  I got to spend 2 nights with the family.

I knew that I would receive a warm welcome from 2 out of the three kids, But one of the twins (below) is a bit stand-offish- to most people.  But, especially on the 2nd night, we had a grand old time with their dancing parrot.  And N (boy) was Auntie Ora look at this and Auntie Ora look at that!! 

 I'm trying very hard to make sure that I have a good relationship with my niece and nephews who live half-way across the country from me.  I think that they are old enough now that it's actually sunk in.  Just look, I actually got a smile out of N!

 or maybe it was a laugh, but it was a great interaction!!!

T(girl) made sure that she sat next to me at the dinner table both nights and climbed into my lap to play around, too.  A(boy) was very upset that he had homework to do and couldn't show off his Wii gaming skills to me, so he was allowed to stay up late to enjoy the visit with his auntie!

 All in all, it was a very successful trip.  I accomplished the work objectives and had a great time with my family.  What more could you ask for? (A comfortable plane seat, but that's another story)

 

Saying good-bye at the end of the 2nd night was hard.  T said something along the lines of "what do you mean, you won't be here tomorrow night?" and "I'll miss you Aunty Ora".  N burrowed under the covers while I gave him a hug and A was very sad that I was leaving.  I love these kids.