Mid-CenturyModernMoms

With tears in my eyes- a graduation story

  Eighth grade graduation.  What a boring thing to anticipate, for a parent.  At least it's the end of those private school tuition bills.

What a surprise!!!!

The graduation was great!!! Each of the kids had 45 seconds to say something about their SSDS experience. Many of them did it in concert with 1-3 others.

What can you say in 45 seconds? Actually, quite a lot. And the ones that did it together (multiplying the time) were very creative. The kids totally blew me away with their ideas. Rosie did it with another girl and they even thanked their siblings! Most kids didn't thank parents/teachers, but many did. Some of the ones that stood out were: 3 boys- performed a new music composition; 4 boys- did short skits parodying rap music, Shakespeare and something else from English class and 4 girls- Remember the original Charlie's Angels beginning " Once upon a time, 3 little girls went to..." This was based on that and really outlined all their 9 years at school.  Several sets of girls sang, as well as commented on their choice of words. One set some words from the Biblical literature to new music.

I am going to miss the comraderie of all of the moms. But many of the kids will be attending the supplementary Hebrew High school, so we can arrange to see each other on Sunday mornings.

Remember the JC Penney dress purchases?  Here's the final results.

At graduation:

 

And for the semi-formal dance.  Rosie spent an hour with a friend curling her hair.

Isn't my baby gorgeous?

A Successful Day

Father's Day in my house was a totally successful day.  Not because we were "celebrating" Father's Day, but because we had to do a whole bunch of things and we all got through the day without anyone blowing up.

The most successful part of the day was our visit to Abe (17, PDD, ADHD, etc) at his new (therapeutic) boarding school.  He has now been there for 2 weeks and it's going fantastically!!!  I get wonderful reports about him from the staff there.  And his room was clean.  And he had learned to use soap, so he didn't smell. And he was a pleasant person to be with on our visit. And he was talking.  Wow!!!

Funky Granny came with us to see Abe.  Rosie came, too.  She said that she didn't want to come, but not too strenuously.  We walked around the campus a bit and then went to the world's largest mega-store to buy Abe a belt.  Rosie ended up with some very inexpensive T-shirts.  The family went to Friendly's for french fries and ice cream and then back to school.  Very pleasant, and a wonderful visit with Abe.  He's so much better than he was before he went to C.

On the way home, we stopped at 2 other mega-stores and did a variety of errands.  Cross those off the list of places we have to go this week!

And a nice day was had by all.

Wiiiiiii!!!!!!

Our household just got a Wii. 

But hold on, it's mama's toy.  I'm the one that wanted it.  Okay, yes, both Abe and Rose wanted it too, but grumbly hubbie wouldn't have gone out of his way to get one. (If he can order it via the web, it might be purchased.)

Now listen carefully.  If you want one, here's the trick.  Blockbuster, in some stores only, is selling the game console system for list price.  BUT, they only get one or two in at a time, and they only get them in once a week.  So the trick is a) finding which stores will be getting them, b) finding out the day that the delivery gets made and c) calling the store to see if they have them yet (if at all) and d) (depending on the store) going there immediately or putting it on hold til the end of the workday.

I lucked out big time. I called right before lunchtime.  The store near work was unpacking the shipment but had already promised the first system to someone else.  Maybe.... just maybe.... there were 2 systems.  So I walk over there at lunchtime and YES!!!!!  It's mine.

The question here is--- so who's the kid?  (Me)

So said box is sitting on the kitchen counter when I get home.  Rosie strolls into the kitchen, sees it and immediately starts jumping up and down and up and down.  Then she's asking if it's real.  My child seems to think that I would play a trick on her and show her an empty box. (Now a trick is another matter, but it wasn't in this case.)

So now we actually see some maturity here.  Rosie says to me "I guess I'll have to clean up my room before I'm allowed to use it" (Yup) "And I'll have to make sure that my homework is done" (Yup) "and do...(several other things that I've been after her to do) (Yup).  And guess what?  We've already made headway on her room!  And grumbly hubbie actually set it up already so we get to use it.

Gifts are a breeze now.  Please send games and maybe a Wii Fit.  For the teens or the mom?  Both!!!

A post-script to this conversation is that my SIL called me up the next morning.  They bought a Wii system at Costco.  $100 more than list price but with some extras.  It pays to shop mid-week!!!

Sometimes Mom is Right

by Ora

Did you know that the 60's are back?  Just look around at the clothes that are on display in the stores.  And it's not just for kids anymore, it's for grown-ups (read: Moms).  I went shopping with Rose for some much needed dresses.  This kid, aside from the fact that she has more clothes than some nations, didn't want to wear any dresses when she had to get dressed up for religious services or other events. 

But....

She needed a dress for her "semi-formal" dance and another one for her graduation.   But wait, I thought that Rose was only 14 and in 8th grade, how could she be graduating?  Well, the religious school that she currently attends only goes through 8th grade, so therefore there is a graduation.

In this case, Mom actually came through with picking out dresses that Rosie liked.  The pink is for graduation, although since the ceremony is in a synagogue, she'll be wearing a black T-shirt underneath (must have your shoulders covered and not too much bodice showing).

                     

Now the dance is also supposed to adhere to the school dress code, but I think that these kids have had enough of that, so the turquoise dress will be worn as is.

We got both of these dresses (the dance dress about a month ago) at JC Penney.  This store has turned into a wonderful Mother-daughter compromise store.  The compromise being she likes the clothes and mom likes the prices.  And best of all (in Rosie's eyes) is that said store is located at nouveau-riche gigantic mall (excuse me Collection) that is hip to go shop at.

Oh, and by the way, I had picked up a dress in a similar (but quieter) fashion that she even liked for herself!  Wow.  And she liked it on me.  Will wonders never cease?

Packing Season

T'is the season.... for packing them up and shipping 'em out.

Abe (PDD, NVLD, etc.) just received word that he is going to start at C next week.  C is a residential, therapeutic school.  From the outside, C would make a wonderful bed and breakfast since most of the buildings are on the historic register.  Their brochure talks about horse back riding and swimming and trips to Europe.  But underneath that, serious emotional and academic work goes on (although Abe is starting for the summer program).

    

I really can't imagine my slob of a son living in such an elegant place, but time will tell.

In any event, I have to get him packed to move over there.  It's a cross between packing for camp and packing for college.  For camp, you send totally grungy clothes that you don't care when they get lost, but for college you assume that the clothes will make it through the year, but probably some still get lost.  And of course, Mom is the one doing all of the packing because 17 year old boys can't be bothered.  The only thing that Abe will pick out to bring are his electronics and his books.  Mom gets to (needs to) get everything else together, label it, pack it and make sure that it gets shlepped over to school.

Rose, on the other hand at 14, will be going to camp for 2 months towards the end of the month.  Everything needs to be "just so" for her.  She makes all of the decisions on what to bring and it's waaaayy more than Mom thinks should be to camp.

Rosie whines "Mom, come help me pack...." but really she just wants approval on her choices.  Mom isn't really allowed to make any decisions on what to bring, but the mom is allowed to iron on labels, fold the clothes and place them into the suitcase and duffel bag.

Two kids, two totally different packing strategies. But the  net result is going to be several weeks of details then lots of quiet around the house.  I'm looking forward to the relaxation, but then I get to start worrying about how Abe is going to handle the program at C.  But that's another story.

Looking Backwards, Looking Forwards - Musings

As a first time mother, you don't know any  better.  The second time 'round, you're just too tired to care.

I hope that you had a happy Mother's Day!!!

Our dreams (plans) for our children change over the years.  A parent can keep those dreams until you get hit in the face that they must be modified.

Looking back, I can see that some of my hopes for Abe (17.5 yo, PDD, ADHD, NVLD, etc) were too expansive.  When he was born, I hoped for a wonderful kid who was going to have a wonderful life.  He's a wonderful kid (when he wants to be) who has had a hard life in terms of figuring out how to deal with his disabilities.  I still hope that when he's older, he'll think that he had a good childhood.

When Abe first started at an out-of-district, special education  placement school in the middle of 4th grade, I had dreams that he would be back in the mainstream during the high school years.  When Abe went to a high school SPED placement, I had dreams that he was going to graduate "on time" and go onto a regular college.

Now my dreams look somewhat different.  I want him to repeat 11th grade so that he can have more time in the therapeutic environment of the residential school that he's starting at the end of June.  I still dream of him going off to college and living an independent life, but I know that he is years away from that.  Abe's going to get there, but it's going to take him longer than other kids.  But I have faith that he's gonna get there (ya gotta have faith, baby).

My dreams for Rosie (14 yo, NT, ADHD) were never different than mine for her brother.  Be a good person, be of good intelligence, learn at nice schools and have a wonderful life.  I never dreamed that I would expose my children to the harshness of both parents having cancer or to domestic discord; but that's some of my legacy to them.

A mother always has hopes and dreams for her children.  Those wishes have changed over time as to specifics, but the basics of wanting the best for your kids always stays.

How will they take it?

By Ora

A positive note before I go off on another track. 

We really liked one of the second batches of schools that we looked at for Abe (17.5 yo, ADHD, PDD, NVLD...) and they accepted him.  Our second place school also accepted him.  This school- FLC- won't have a suitable opening until the end of the school year, 3rd week in June, although there is a possibility of sometime in May, maybe.

Abe actually wanted to go to the second place school because it a) already had a Dungeons and Dragons group (and he loves D&D) and b) the facilities are a bit nicer.  But it wasn't totally his decision (if at all) and he's okay going to FLC. So we've chosen FLC, and he'll be starting there mid-June, and in the meantime he's in a day program that is working with his special needs through therapy and a teeny tiny bit of actual school work. It looks like he'll be repeating this school year, which is a blessing in disguise as it will give him more time at FLC, a residential program that will be working with him on life skills for his foray into adulthood. Something that every kid in his situation needs, but is difficult for a parent to teach.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that. 

Thanks to Lewis Carroll.

My other thoughts today have to dwell on the harsher side of reality.  How do teenagers, neurotypical or special needs, react to the news that Mom is looking for a divorce from Dad?  Actually, how do you even tell them?  I definitely don't have the answer to this question, and, SURPRISE, I'm going to be springing it upon them sometime, potentially over the summer.  I don't have any answers now.  But I am looking for helpful input on this topic.  Have you been there? Can you help out with the emotional logistics involved?                                                                                                               

One from Column A, one from Column B...

Off we go into the wild blue yonder.....  Oops, wrong song, but the right thought.  However, I do feel that I'm entering a brave new world.  We've been looking at some residential schools for Abe (17.5 yo, PDD, ADHD, NVLD...) and I'd really like it if I could pick aspects on one and combine it with aspects of the second school to make a perfect fit for all of us.  And then there are schools 3 and 4, yet to be seen.

So far, we've gone to see 2 schools, D and P.  Both of which are north-west of where we live and 45 minutes (P) or 1.2 hours (D) away.  So they are NOT close.  We are also going to see another 2, and these are in the opposite direction, 1 to 1.5 hours away (C or M).  Maybe one of these schools will be perfect as is, then again, probably not.

In any event, I feel MUCH more comfortable with this idea  of sending Abe away, as does he.  After actually seeing the schools, I realize that there had been dark thoughts of British boarding schools and penitentary settings running rampant in the back of my brain.  These are nothing like that.

Either of the first 2 schools are acceptable, but, oh, if I could combine them in the magic mixing machine....  Maybe I'll get Willie Wonka involved in the school selection.

Trading Places

There are no minors residing in my house right now.  I don't say children because my husband Thorn acts like a child most of the time, so I typically have 3 kids at home.

Rosie (14, NT) just left for the culminating activity of her Jewish day school experience, the 8th grade class trip to Israel.  She will be there for two and one-half weeks.  How blase these kids are.  They certainly were excited about the trip, but more for the ability to spend time with each other and their Haifa sister school friends, then about the idea of going to a foreign country.

Some of the moms are very worried about possible dangers over there.  I'll certainly worry if I hear that something happened, but until then, I'm just too burnt out from everything that I've been doing to get the proper treatment for her older brother.  Oh yeah, the correct thing to write is that I have faith in the tour organizer, in conjunction with the Israeli government, that the kids won't go anyplace dangerous.  The kids would moan about changes, but their itinerary WILL be changed if there is any hint of danger.

Rosie left early Sunday morning and tomorrow morning Abe (17, ADHD, PDD, miscellaneous other messed up diagnoses) comes home.  Abe spent the last 3.5 weeks in two different psychiatric hospitals.  I saw him this past Saturday and he does seem better.  But it's easy to be "better" when you don't have any pressures on you.

I have definitely lost what little faith I had in the mental health care system because they gladly would have just turfed him out of the hospital and back home with no supports in place, except what we had before- which clearly wasn't working!  I have certainly learned a lot about how to work the system since it seemed that I was the major player in getting him to an appropriate placement. We won't even go into the lack of official work that I accomplished at the office over the past 2 weeks.

It looked to me that they were planning on discharging him without any plan in place for his continued care.  Nor were they very helpful about recommending any followup treatment for Abe. So, I am working with the school system, who are very helpful, to get him into a residential school where his education (high level. but learning disabilities), emotional (low level) and behavioral (problematic) issues can all be addressed in a inter-woven plan.  But that takes time and some expertise in how to get the school system, our health insurance, and the state to split the cost of further treatment. It's all so horribly complex and because Abe isn't yet accepted into any state aid program, it's all fallen on my shoulders to be his social worker and advocate.

BTW, Abe came out of the hospital with yet another additional diagnosis: bipolar.  I hoping that it will allow him access to services which kept turning him down previously.

So Abe is home and will start going to a psychiatric step-down day program without academics while we waits to hear from the residential schools we've applied to.  There is a lot less stress on him since his sister isn't around and there's no schoolwork to be done.  However, there still is the Thorn, and he can be a huge trigger for Abe. Unfortunately, the Thorn is unable to control his own behavior very well, so it's questionable whether or not they can get along until Abe is placed.

I'm taking part in the trading places game, also.  I'm going away for a previously planned, long weekend.  There's work to be done there, but (sigh) what a relief to get away.