Mid-CenturyModernMoms

Home sweet homecoming

When last we spoke of homecoming, it was a miserable moment in the world of Roo.

It seems, however, we must speak of homecoming again. This time, OUR homecoming, not the homecoming of some other school that we decided to essentially crash.

OUR homecoming is different. OUR homecoming is a fun dance to go to, even if you don't have a date.

But it helps if you have friends going too.

And so it was that the Roo-girl found herself on Saturday afternoon, planning NOT to go to OUR homecoming because her cheer buddy (a year older than Roo) didn't want to go and they decided to plan an evening of dinner and a movie.

She and her friend (a girl we will call Jessie) decided it would be fun to have their makeup done ANYWAY at the local mall. So off they went.

It was during this lunchtime expedition that the Roo-girl found herself invited to join the crowd in a limo going to the dance. Not Jessie's grade or her crowd and no room in the limo for more than just Roo.

Jessie told Roo that, OF COURSE, she should go. After all, her makeup was already done.

And so Roo came home all excited that the homecoming dress with bad memories from two weeks ago would be redeemed at OUR homecoming, which will be FUN.

Except ...

You know, of course, that Jessie's enthusiasm for Roo going to the dance was a front. In fact, she actually was quite upset that Roo had dropped her like a hot potato abandoned their plans for dinner and a movie.

Alas, I see both sides.

I am glad Roo went to the dance. She had planned on it from the beginning. She had the dress and the shoes. She had been making elaborate plans with her friends that eventually were dropped when Jessie decided she didn't want to go after all.

And I'm sorry Roo went to the dance. She hurt her friend and is taking a lot of guff from her other friends as a result.

Have I said recently how much I hate teenage girls?

 

A Boyfriend, or my baby is growing up

When I picked Rosie up at camp 6 weeks ago, she was copiously crying.  Previous years, she had been sad to go, and there had been some tears shed, but nothing like this cascade.

So Mom, also an alumna of many years of summer overnight camp, hypothesized that there had been a BOYFRIEND!!!!

Of course Rosie completely denied that.

But I was pretty sure.  And then later, she admitted that there had been one, but he lived in Connecticut and it wasn't serious.  But I could see that there was a lot of IM-ing and texting and even talking on the phone going on.

A month after camp was over, Rosie tells me that a guy from Conn. was coming up to Newton to hang out with a bunch of camp kids.  But it wasn't her boyfriend.  Oh no, not at all.  So I said yes, that she could hang out with her friends that Sunday afternoon.

But then, I get a telephone call.  On the house phone.  It was a woman whom I had never met saying that she was Rosie's boyfriend's mother.

Oh.

And she was driving him up to see Rosie on Sunday.  Did I know about that?

Oh.  Not quite like that.

Okay, to make the long story shorter.  The mom drove the BF up (and then she went shopping for a dress for daughter's BM next month).  Ora got to embarass Rosie in talking to BF and then the kids went off to the train to hang out with other friends in Newton Center.  They weren't alone in the house (although when they got back they withdrew to a public/semi-private area and I think that I interuppted some lip locking) and a good time was had by all- without too much worry on a mom's part, because....

I know what goes on at camp.  Eek! (I met the hubbie there when I was 17!)

What a difference a year makes!

Last year I came home from high school Open House venting and snarling that I was tired of educating the educators.

This year was so, so different! I came home feeling really good about my son's teachers. Amigo, age 17, blind, Asperger's syndrome, is a high-maintenance student. His teachers (well, the good ones) work hard. This year he has good people teaching him. That is so HUGE   I think I need to say it again.

This year Amigo has good people teaching him.

I mentioned to the choir teacher that he doesn't mind singing in front of the group. She laughed. "Mind? He thrives on it!" She knows him, recognizes his talents, and brings out the best in him - during the first period of the day. His Music Appreciation teacher made me smile, too. "He said he'd like to learn some theory or music history, and he's interested in learning to play guitar and harmonica. The other kids were asking if they could just play on the computers." 

Amigo also has U.S. History, with a long-term sub who believes kids learn to appreciate history by hearing the stories that make it come alive. The seven minute period with him made me want to retake American History just to enjoy hearing this man talk. Amigo, the great listener, will learn a great deal and enjoy every minute of it.

We pushed for the opportunity to take Foods, a class formerly known as Home Economics. This is a life skill, a chance to cook and cooperate with a group. He might even learn about nutrition! Don't tell him; he thinks he's having fun.

He's been set up for success. Now it's up to him, and that's exactly the way I like to see it. Now that all the pieces of the school schedule puzzle are in place, he can make it what he will, and I do believe he'll make it.

Practical skills from school!

Davey came home from school full of talk about his Metal Work project. He told me how the teacher's assistant donned welding gear to do the spot welding required on the metal bookshelf Davey had made. Davey liked the humour of the name 'Weldinator' written across the top of his welding mask, and he talked about enjoying the skills he's gaining with workshop tools. As a sole parent it makes me feel good to know he's gaining blokey skills at school.

The photos below show that's not the only type of skills he's learning at school. Davey saw some cuffs on sale at local markets and figured his term of sewing (where all students make a zippered pencil case with lining and appliqued patterns) had given him the necessary skills to make his own.


I like the well rounded education!

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Back to School

Today's post will be a collection of thoughts about the beginning of the school year.

It's so nice not to be the only one up in the morning.  Rosie comes over and gives Mom a hug before eating breakfast.

Oh, no.  Now I need to get serious in thinking about Abe's future!

But he's doing so great at his internship....  

Is he going to be ready to take on a full college workload- with ot without supports?  Will he avail himself of those supports?  Is he going to be able to live independently in a college dorm?

Shopping for a few new things for Rosie is so much fun (especially after Wendy went through her clothes and got her to see that she really only needed a few things!)

Mom (a chemist by training) gets to be a Chemistry tutor to Rosie and friends this year.  (Is that a good or a bad?  I'm afraid it might get ugly.)

Whining about homework (from Rosie).

Writing a half dozen small (ish) checks to the school for this book or that lab kit.

But a great thing, is that, during the school year, Rosie actually talks to me.  True, it's only about the academic side of things and not any of the personal stuff, but I'll take what I can get.

Of carrots and sticks

Rebekah has had friends visiting this week, sisters from out of town. A week-long sleepover party!!!

I am very, very, very tired.

It's not so much that they want drives when I would normally be in bed. (Drives which I can give because we are renting a car this week. Dammit.) Not that.

It's not even that, when you show up in said rental car, only one of them is there, the other two having had some inexplicable but entirely irressistable brain fart and are now IN ANOTHER PROVINCE.

(Okay, so the "other province" is Quebec, a mere two km away, easily accessible by city busses. Point is, they were supposed to be HERE, at this time, and now they're THERE, and won't end up at the house for another hour and a half. And I, because of that damnable Momma Clock, will be awake until that happens.)

I will hereby note for the record that the teen who was WHERE she said she'd be WHEN she said she'd be there was MINE. Yes, this makes me feel a little smug. You would, too, I'm betting.

No, it's not that stuff... though none of it was especially helpful in my quest for a Full Night's Sleep.

No, it's the activity. Even when they're quiet -- and to their credit, they are -- they move around, doors open and close, water runs, toilets flush, there are footsteps in the hall, odors from the kitchen (at 2 am), muted giggles (all night long). Strangely, I just don't sleep as well when all that's going on.

And then when I come downstairs and discover (for the second morning in a row) the detritus from their midnight snacking all over the counters? I'm tired all over again. Popcorn bags, pots, bowls, spoons, cups litter the stovetop, sink and counters. Pasta sauce is smeared here, parmesan cheese is scattered there.

The first morning, I cleaned all that up. Stupid, I know. I was tired. Of course, I paid the price for my laziness. You all knew I would, didn't you? I mean, it's so predictable. Kind of dopey the way I can do this to myself. I know -- we all know, through bitter experience repeated endlessly down through the years -- that if I let something slide once, it'll only happen again. If it bothered me once, it's only going to bug me more when it happens again. And it WILL happen again, because I didn't stop it the first time!

I know this. Yet still I cleaned it up that first morning.

So of course, the kitchen was a mess again this morning. Duh. And of course, I was tired all over again... but this time, I was also Fed Up. The selfishness of teens is really quite astounding. Could you imagine yourself as a houseguest and trashing someone's kitchen overnight? I can't. Can't IMAGINE doing it. Never, ever, not once in a million years. Never mind nightly for a week.

(And no, they didn't get away with it nightly for a week. But we all know they WOULD have, if I hadn't gone all mom on their oblivious asses.)

Five minutes later, they're downstairs cleaning up. Without complaint because really, they are good kids. Ten minutes after that, they're on their way back to bed. (Good kids, and efficient.) Bed, where they will stay until, oh, two in the afternoon. Sleep and sleep and sleep. All day long. (How can they DO that? Don't they MISS sunlight?? If it didn't give me hours and hours of lovely peace and quiet, I'd wake them up and MAKE them be diurnal. But why would I do that to myself?)

So, now that I'm done telling you all about this, I think I'll just go sit on the porch in the early morning sunlight, and enjoy my quiet, grown-up cup of tea... and dream of Sunday, when they all go home, when I, too, shall sleep and sleep and sleep.

Aaaaahhh...

Parent Teacher Interview

We're 3/4 of the way through the school year here in Australia and that means it's parent/teacher interview time.  Davey's school has introduced online booking times this year, which meant I was able to book times with the teachers I wanted to see rather than those Davey managed to find and book a time with.

His Maths, Science and Music teachers gave Davey, who accompanied me, the comments I expected.  They weren't the comments Davey expected however.  He is in the top 3 in these classes, yet Davey was genuinely shocked that the teachers spoke of his attentiveness, work ethic and grasp of the subject matter.  He even teared up when I was talking to him later about his Maths teacher's comments.  When I asked him why he was surprised at the comments, he said his teacher had never directly praised him before, so he'd assumed his teacher didn't have a high opinion of him.  If his teacher had known Davey thought that, he would have been very shocked.  As we took our seats in front of him at the beginning of the interview Mr R had commented that he didn't know why we were there as Seb was the perfect Maths student.  Mr R didn't know how much Davey needed to hear that.  Mr R didn't know that excelling in a subject doesn't mean the student feels competent - not when that student has the lack of self belief that Davey has anyway.

The interviews with Davey's English and Art teachers were also really good for Davey as they cleared up a couple of minor issues with both teachers and left Davey feeling newly positive about his abilities.  Yet it was the praise from his Maths teacher, who thought Davey knew how highly he thought of him, that was most beneficial for Davey to hear.

It was a great reminder to me that my teenage son doesn't have to make any effort to avoid big noting himself to others because he doesn't think very highly of himself, that what seems obvious to me and his teachers is not at all obvious to Davey.

While I think it's great that Davey achieves well at school, I know that unless he feels he is worthwhile as a person and that his best IS good enough, no academic achievement in this world will help him feel that his life has meaning.

In the moment

Em's been away on a 3 day school excursion. As I work in the office of the school she attends, one of her teachers asked me how she was enjoying the excursion. He was a little taken aback when I laughed. I told him I had received a text from Em - she requested I record a tv program for one of the teachers on the excursion! Then I explained that Em seldom calls me when she's away from home as she's too busy being in the moment and enjoying every minute of each new experience. He nodded in understanding at my explanation.

And that's the way it always has been with Em. I don't think she's ever been home sick - even as a small child. While she's always glad to return home, during the time she's away she is totally in that experience. Of course these days I can text Em, and she'll happily reply, but I feel as though I'm interfering, imposing myself unnecessarily and detracting from her independence, so I mostly refrain.

I collected Em from the excursion at 9pm Friday night and she filled me in on the places she'd seen, the goings on of other students and quirks of the accompanying teachers. Saturday morning I drove her to her first event of the day at 7.30am and collected her from her last event at 10.30pm that night, having had a few shuffles in between. I enjoy Em and her zest for life, but, gee, the mini-holiday of the school excursion was really nice!

As Em plans on leaving home in 18 months time, I've been thinking about the implications her 'in the moment' thinking will have on my half empty nest.  I feel the need to have a plan for not only my time, but also my emotional tank.  For while Em is a typical 16 year old with the associated rollercoaster of emotions happening, which sometimes drains my emotional tank, she has am enjoyable personality which replenishes my emotional tank.  When she leaves home there will be a big void in my everyday life, both physically and emotionally.  I'm hoping that once she really has her independence, texting & emailing will keep us connected and not feel like an imposition.

Where's Ringo?

 Abe finally started working at his engineering internship.

Yes, it was supposed to start at the beginning of the summer, but hey, lawyers happen.  But the wording on the forms was all worked out and I signed it and Abe started working there several weeks ago.

Here's a conversation we had about it.

Mom: Who's your boss?

Abe: David.

Mom:  Is there anyone else working in the lab with you?

Abe: Yes, John and Paul

Mom: So where's Ringo?

Abe: (laughs)

Now the reason that this conversation is so amazing to me is that Abe NEVER knows the names of the kids that he goes to school with; he's just not that tuned into them to remember their names.  This is part of his neurological condition.  And he is even giving up several days of computer game time at home to return to school- while classes are NOT in session- in order to go to work at this internship.

I told Rosie about that on the drive home from camp last week and her response was to question whether we were talking about the same kid!

It's so nice to have a success- and I know that he loves it.  He even can explain what he's working on (but then, I know the products and have used them myself).

OPK- or Remembering that things could always be worse

Abe and I went down to Providence overnight and stayed with one of my second cousins.  She has a lovely, historic house (with a pool), a nice job, a nice husband and 2 teenage boys.  The younger of the boys is one day older than Rosie (15.5 yo) and the other is 10 month older than him.  But, oy, I wouldn't exchange my world for hers.

Neither of the boys listen at all to their mom and barely at all to their dad.  I know, a lot of that is just normal teenage stuff, but this household is rampantly out of control!

The older son is PDD, just like Abe- but also very different.  Max is a lot more social than Abe was at 16, but then again, he's already been in a residential program for several years. (Unlike Abe who just has done 1 year.)  Max is an electrical genius and he's working for an electrician this summer, but since there was no work this week, he has completely turned his schedule around- sleeping a lot during the day and prowling around at night.

The younger son, Alec hates his brother and won't even accept a hand-me-down pair of shorts from him!  This kid has anxiety attacks and just wants to stay inside all summer.

But both boys were totally normal in that I was able to get them to do things that they never would have done for their own parents.  I got Max out of bed on Sunday morning (at least long enough to have a little conversation with me and then come down to get a cup of milk).  He even went out walking with Abe, me and my cousin the night before.  I didn't give him an option, you see.  I just told him to get his jacket and come with us.  Probably the peer pressure of Abe coming along had a lot to do with that, actually.

I got Alec to sit at the table with all of us eating dinner (well, he ate something else, but he sat).  And I got him to select clothes for a trip that he was taking the next morning.

Meanwhile, Abe is behaving great and taking part in conversations (with the adults) but also playing video games with the boys.  My cousin was so encouraged for her boys to see mine doing so well.  So just remember, when you see someone with a life that you envy, you probably don't know the real story.

(p.s.- Abe finally started his internship, and he loves it!!!  he even knows the name of his lab-mates!)