Mid-CenturyModernMoms

All Dressed Up and Someplace to Go

This past weekend, Ora's family had a BIG family occasion- it was my nephew's Bar Mitzvah.  But this was a kid who thought that he was going to "fail Bar Mitzvah".

Max most definitely did NOT fail Bar Mitzvah (now abbreviated BM).  He did a FANTASTIC job.  I was so proud and was proud for my mother who died last year. 

He did a great job, and I had tears in my eyes a lot of the time kvelling (being proud) and thinking about my Mom who would’ve loved everything this weekend.

We started out at a Friday night family dinner at a nearby hotel. It’s a good thing that I like my sister-in-law’s family, since there are a lot of them.

We got dressed for services and my kids certainly clean up well.

 

 

 

 But the evening was when we really got going.

 

 

 

Rosie and I spent a lot of time on our hair and make-up.  Zeyde and Abe looked dapper.  And we were ready to go to the party at….. Fenway Park.

 

 

 

(I’m glad that I don’t have to pay that electric bill!)

 

 

 

 

Pictures with BOTH Red Sox World Series trophies were a high point for the kids. (There was a guy there whose job was just to sit and watch the trophies while people were milling around them!)

 

The party was a lot of fun and we didn’t leave until just before midnight.  The festivities continued with brunch on Sunday at my brother’s house.  Oy, am I tired now!

 
 

 

 

 

Hair freedom

My Em is conservative in many ways, very quirky in others.

Here's her latest hair style:

Davey doesn't like it much, but is polite enough not to say that to Em.  I pointed out to him that it's only half a mohawk.



See?  On the other side Em has hair covering her ear - though it is also undercut.

Em has been growing her hair for 6 months to be able to have this cut.  The debut of her new 'do was her friends' school formal (they have finished high school, Year 12 final exams and all), which they invited Em and her buddy J, who is also their buddy, to share in.

I love how my girl looks and that she has the self confidence to have styles that are a little different. 

Last year, when Em was dating Prince Charming, she wouldn't have had this style because Prince Charming pleaded with her not to be too radical.  Being a normal, conservative boy, he wanted Em to grow her hair long.  I was thrilled that Em stood her ground and had her hair cut anyway, though she made the concession of not being too radical.  Now the restrictions of Prince Charming are gone, Em enjoys her freedom of choice a little more.  I get the feeling that Em will compromise her preferences a whole lot less with any future boyfriend - and she remains quite steadfast in her enjoyment of being single.  (And with gorgeous buddy's like J who are willing to just hang out, I'm not really surprised!)

What to say?

When you're short and rounded and marry a man who's tall and skinny, you kinda hope your children will take after their father, not you. At least, that's how it's been for me.

For most of my life I've hovered just over the ideal weight range and only with hard work do I get below this. Sadly my Em is almost identical in size. She's not fat, but she isn't slim either. She's 'rounded'.

I was talking to a friend last night who had just been shopping with her 13 year old daughter, who is similarly neither fat nor slim, for this season's swimming costume. While our daughters can wear outfits that flatter their fit and healthy bodies, swimming costumes, well, they don't cover much do they? We got to talking about how difficult it is to tactfully tell our daughters that something that looks great on skinny girls, looks a little less fantastic on them.

How do you tell your daughter (who doesn't want to hear it) that the little denim short shorts that look great on skinny legs, only serve to highlight thighs that rub together? How do you tell your daughter that these oh, so popular shorts, also cause muffin top? Then there's the problem of buying appropriate tops. There's unflattering cuts, gaping necklines, lack of length...and on the problems go. All with attendant problem description difficulties for mothers who want their daughters to wear clothes that fit in with current trends and look better than disastrous.

AND we don't want to sap our girls of what little self esteem they may be hanging on to during these hormonal teenage years of angst. Nor do we want them to dive into the dark world of anorexia and bulimia in an attempt to gain fashionably acceptable bodies.

I haven't always succeeded in walking this tightrope tactfully. I haven't always succeeded in having Em wear clothes that don't look disastrous on her - thankfully, at 16, she has developed an awareness of what works for her figure and what doesn't. I have no solutions to offer for this parenting dilemma, I just wanted to acknowledge the problem exists for many of us.

We like our slow time - we're odd like that

This is Davey's distorted shadow as he unzips the entrance to the tent.

We're just back from a few days camping.

Camping for us usually means driving to one of the many National Parks in NSW and enjoy a few days of very basic living. Often the campsites we choose to go to have only very basic facilities. The site we camped at last week, in Yuraygir National Park, was no exception. Chopped wood was provided and pit toilets. And, ah, that was about it. Taking water no longer phases me though, as I've been able to work out how much we require and that's about 10 litres a day for the 3 of us.Way down this walking track in the heathland, you can just see Em.

I call myself a 2 night camping specialist. 2 nights is worth the effort of pitching the tent and setting up, and I can keep food cold right up until the end of the 3rd day. We aim to be set up before lunch on the first day and pack down after lunch on the 3rd day, and it always feels as though we've had much longer than 3 days away. Perhaps it's the total lack of technology that slows time down, perhaps it's paying attention to really simple tasks like boiling the billy for a cup of tea. Whatever it is, 3 days of camping refreshes us like nothing else.

It was just warm enough for us to enjoy the waves on our body boards, though Davey was pretty keen on sitting around the campfire to warm up afterwards. There's not much insulation on his streamlined body!
We sat around the campfire at night and marvelled at the incredible night sky that isn't visible in urban areas, and listened to the creatures of the night rustling in the inky black shadows that surrounded us.

Em had told me she hadn't learned much in Biology this year, however when we walked around a rocky headland, we found a totally different shoreline to the one we camped next to. This bay was just a big rock platform, filled with rockpools and marine creatures. Em sprouted all sorts of information and showed us how to find creatures I'd never noticed before. Even she chuckled when I commented that Biology hadn't been a total waste of time.


Oh, and just because we're 'roughing it' doesn't mean that Em's quirky fashion sense is left at home.  This was her nail treatment during camping.  The middle nail is painted entirely, while the other nails are french tipped in red.  Yup.  She's special!
On the drive home, Em commented that these signs are put in place to taunt Learner Drivers.  "They're telling me to go 85 when they know I'll lose my licence if I go over 80!"

Understated quality

If you were to ask my Davey what his interest is in fashion, he'd declare he had none. Perhaps even less than none! Yet I think he fibs just a little.

For the last 18 months or so the bag on the right has been my all purpose bag and Davey has hated it passionately. He dubbed it my 'look at me' bag. The fact that lots of total strangers have commented how much they liked the bag, just added to his dislike of it, and proved his point that it was a 'look at me' bag! Em loved that it was a bag that drew attention, while Davey found it totally embarrassing.

For the last 3 weeks the bag on the left has been my new all purpose bag. During that 3 weeks I've not received a single comment on it - unheard of with my old bag! It took Davey several days to notice the change, but when he did he was quick to give it his stamp of approval. The very fact he hadn't noticed its presence just made Davey like it all the more. It's understated, very practical and made from a soft leather that is a joy to my touch.

I really like my new bag, even though it's just not fun like my old bag. It whispers where my old bag shouted. Which is exactly why my Davey likes it.

Davey hates to be in the spotlight, he hates to attract attention to himself. He doesn't exactly want to fade into a corner, and will take centre stage if he's given time to prepare himself adequately, but it's not something he seeks. His tastes in clothing reflect this, as does his preference in Mum's handbag style.

Understated quality describes both my handbag and Davey. They're two of a kind.

What I've learned about Prom and Girls

Crossposted at Outta My Mind With Worry

No matter how well they plan ahead, they will be late.

Fingernails are MUCH more important than washing a dish.

Shoes are cheap and suck if the buckle doesn't buckle easily the first time.

Tanning is always a top priority.

Makeup must be applied at least 5 times before it is perfect.

When you arrive 45 minutes late for your photo shoot in your boyfriend's back yard, posing with your mother is absolutely disgusting.

Kissing your mother goodbye is also disgusting.

Making fun of a corsage your boyfriend ordered for you does not mean that you don't press it to save it forever.

A new haircut, even if it's just a trim, makes you feel really good.

All that excitement that was built up about tonight's Jr Prom: um... well... the music sucked.

And it wasn't all that fun because the music sucked. So there wasn't much dancing.

They made every kid pass thru a metal detector AND a breathalizer. And still you brought home a pepsi with liquor in it.

Your boyfriend really does look better in a suit than in his usual shorts and t-shirt.

Even after the evening was over and the visit to Burger King (the only thing open!) done, you still were excited.

Once you're home, it's OK to kiss your mommy.

Photos to follow.

Shopping Wars

My daughter and I decided to attempt round two of clothes shopping for a teenaged girl, also known as the "Mooommmm, WHY" Wars. Let's just say I won the war, but Leah did not go gently. Our mission was to procure shorts and possibly a pair of capris.

I guess the problem was that Leah and I have wildly differing opinions about the definition of "too tight". What she declares "comfortable", puts me on automatic wedgie patrol, and I have visions of buttons popping off at the most inopportune times, like, at the board in math class or in the security line at the airport. I can just see a wayward button zinging the ear of a security guard, and taking with it any chance of us boarding our plane in a timely manner

So as we battled in the dressing room, I pulled out the "I'm not buying those clothes with my money" card, and she threw out the "fine, then I'm not getting anything" card, so I played the "fine, go on vacation naked, I don't care" trump card and of course then she caved. Heh. Mortification always works on teens.

Of course, in the end, she walked out of the store with shorts, a dress and flip-flops. So she won't be naked on vacation, and I won't be picturing pants disasters in the security line. But, stay tuned for round three, or "Child, you are not going out in public in that!", a.k.a., The Great Bathing Suit Battle.

OPK (Other People's Kids)

Everyone knows that your kids behave soooo much better for somebody else.  So when my friend B was complaining that her daughter R (age 12) wouldn't even try anything on when they went shopping, and just look at her, everything that she has on is too tight...  I volunteered to take R shopping with Rosie and me.  Rosie could give the teenage fashion sense, but I had veto power over the final decisions.  It is was up to me to guide her in the right direction to accentuate the positive in her body type.  This child was not the female body type that I'm used to clothing.  R is stocky; not leaf slender like Rosie.

We first stopped at Chez Dix-Neuf (Building 19) since they had a special on boots.  That was for me, but both of the girls went wild over the grown-up footie pajamas and I let them both get a pair.

Then it was off to the mom's savior store- JC Penney.  Into the dressing room with arms overflowing, out of the dressing room looking for other sizes, out, in, out, look around some more, in, out and then mom has so much stuff in her arms that a sales gal remarks that there are bags "over there" to hold stuff while shopping. (of course, she didn't get one for me, but I sent Rosie over to get 2- she came back with 3).

I was hoping to show some of the clothes that we picked out for R- but those particular things aren't on the JCP website.  But the skirt suit she got is this one-- but with a green jacket with a black ribbon belt and the skirt is black with white dots.

This is actually in the women's department, but it looked so cute on R.  The poor child did not have the faintest idea of what size she is.  And her sizes were all over the place depending on the outfit.  The above skirt set is a 10, 2 pairs of Juniors dress pants are 11's, for tank top/sweater size is a large or extra-large, but a gorgeous knit dress was a medium.  Maybe it's a women's medium, no one can remember where we picked it up.

But bags full of what we were taking we ran upstairs to the undergarments area.  Running, because the store was closing soon.  Poor kid was trying on bra after bra while we were trying to get the right fit.  We finally ended up with 38A, but I really think that she is a 40 NA.  In other words, she's wide around the chest and she really doesn't need a bra to hold anything up, but she does need something for modesty.  But anything is better than the tight 34's that she is currently wearing.

Then rush down to the shoe department because R really only has her Ugg boots and a pair of sneakers. 

We found 2 pairs of black shoes that we liked, and neither R not I could decide between them, so I bought both.  The other pair has a wedge heel and are a little dressier.  The shoes were the only thing that weren't such a bargain- everything else was marked down a lot.  I figured that her mom would probably take one pair back, but turns out that I was wrong.

Well, the store is starting to turn out the lights on us so we'd better pay for everything.  I'm a little nervous that B (the mom) is going to freak out when she sees the bottom line ($350) but everything is wonderful when I get R home and she shows off the clothes.

Rosie managed to get herself a dress shirt and slacks at JCP also.  R still needs nice blouses so we may head out again during the week.  And horrors- R is having a Bat Mitzvah in under 5 months and we'll need to do this again, and again....  But at least we know what sizes to start with now.  When we started on dress slacks, between Rosie and R, I had sizes from 3 to 13 in my arms.  And then Rosie ended up in a 1 (instead of her normal 3) and R in a 9 in one brand and a 11 in another!

But R listened to me.  I think that she learned a little about how to look nicer.  Rosie was very helpful, too.  R was happy that she got a lot (!!!!) of new clothes that she really liked.  Rosie was happy to help a friend and get some stuff for own self too, and R's mom was escastic.  Me- my feet hurt but it was fun to spend other people's money- and it was a mitzva and a joy to help out my friend.

Revealing choices

The first 2 weeks of the new school year here in Oz are complete and everything is settling down.  Em, in her final 2 years of high school - the optional 2 years, the 2 years required for university entrance but not absolutely essential for a trade or a career in retail - has made her final subject changes and settled into her choices. 

Subject choices are fraught with so much angst! It seemed so much easier when I was observing other parents guide their teens through this. For students who know what they want to do as a career, the subject choices are based on the requirements for that career.  For students who are really good at particular subjects and have a real dislike for others, the choices may also be relatively straight forward.  For a student like my Em?  Well, it's difficult.  What would she like to do?  Electrical engineering, fashion designer, physical therapist, occupational therapist, psychologist, art therapist, farmer, theatrical costume designer, human rights lawyer...need I continue?  It's easier to list what she doesn't want to do (doctor, nurse, school teacher, corporate lawyer, clerk).

So what's she good at?  Um, everything.  Though she does have to put a bit of effort into maths and science, and it annoys her that the work doesn't come quite so naturally to her, so I guess they would have to be considered her weaker subjects, but she doesn't hate them and she does well in them.

Em is attending a school which only teaches Year 11 and 12, and as a specialist senior school is able to offer a wide subject choice and that hasn't made subject selection any easier.  After much thought and mind changing, she was left with an unavoidable clash between 2 subjects she really wanted to take, Textiles and English Extension.  English Extension is for English nerds, and is only open to students already studying Advanced English. (English is the only compulsory subject for Years 11 & 12, so the Maths/Science nerds take Standard English, the easiest option available.)  Em really enjoys Textiles and creating her quirky masterpieces, and if she is really serious about a career in fashion, Textiles is a  necessary subject. 

So, Textiles was her choice over English Extension.  Then she took the first Textiles class and found the teacher vague.  After that came her Advanced English class where the teacher asked for a show of hands from those also taking English Extension.  Em felt miserable at not being able to identify as an English nerd.  After thinking about it over night she went to the subject co-ordinator the next morning and switched from Textiles to English Extension and her relief was palpable, her rounded shoulders lifted and squared, her face beamed real, rather than make-do, happiness.

"Mum, I know how to sew and create things.  I'll keep doing that.  I won't lose that ability.  But when I lost my English nerd identity, well, I just felt, well, like I wasn't being me!"  was how Em explained it.

Em's subject choices also include Advanced Maths and Biology, as these leave the door open for most of the career choices she is considering with a Science requirement.  However with Society & Culture and both Modern & Ancient History thrown into the mix, her choices are definitely humanities based.

Em now knows she values being identified as an English nerd more than she values identifying as a purveyor of fashion. I guess this is one more step for her in narrowing career possibilities as well as revealing the depth of her passions to herself and gaining self-understanding.

I can't really believe that I stood back and let her work this one out for herself, only to have it settle in precisely the way I thought it should right at the beginning of the process.  Yep.  I'm gaining understanding too.

If the shirt fits too well, maybe it shouldn't go to school.

It's not what you're thinking, mothers of tween and teen girls.

I'm talking about the t-shirts with sayings on them. The ones that proclaim, "Cute how you think I'm listening" or "Don't give me any attitude; I have plenty of my own!" Think seriously about the kids wearing these fashion "statements."

The child with major attitude problems, the one who misbehaves more often than not, does not need to wear "I have issues" or "Be glad you're not my parents" plastered across his chest. The poster child for the IEP box that says Behavior impedes child's learning or that of others should not arrive at school sporting "Selective Listener" on his sweatshirt.

Be logical. Imagine walking into a meeting with your boss and flashing a designer tee that says, "I see your lips moving but all I hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." Just how would that be perceived?

When I taught the fashionistas of 6th grade, the dress code technique called for turning offensive shirts inside out. If the student wore the same shirt again, s/he would have to call parents for an alternative or wear a "spare" from the office stock. This applied to shirts with alcohol or drug references, offensive language, or other obvious idiocies. The clueless sayings, however, are a gray area. Maybe they're funny when an honor student wears them; maybe not. In my classes, I see them more often on the kids who exhibit the very problems silkscreened on their wardrobes. When I'm issuing a detention to a kid for disrespect, I don't want to look at her and see the little rabbit quoting "Lalalalalala I can't hear you!"

After a certain point, our teens and 20-somethings choose and buy their own clothes. Until then, we are parents; hear us roar! Hear our wallets and our logic and sensibilities.  Don't make your kids stand out for the wrong reason.  If they're under your roof, living on your budget, you still have some semblance of control. Use it.