Mid-CenturyModernMoms

Finger clicking

Nothing does a better job of making me feeling inadequate than my teenagers. And I'm talking more than just inadequate here, I'm talking TOTALLY inadequate. It's not a feeling that's comfortable or enjoyable.

I've been feeling as though we're cruising along pretty well in family life. Em's working hard at school, Davey's doing enough to keep everybody happy and there's no tension in our house.

Then someone clicks fingers somewhere and everything's turned on its head.

Davey's showing signs of OCDness, grumbling at me for googling the wrong news item for his (late) assignment. (I provide a googling service, nothing else. The assignment's his issue not mine. Oh, and I hadn't googled the wrong news item, the details were just different to what he had been expecting.) Em's stressing over every half mark at school, has thrown a little tantrum at one of her teachers, having issues with programs she's involved with outside of school and telling me I have no business asking questions about them. To this last comment I pointed out that if I'm going to provide transport at such inconvenient times to such inconvenient places and I'm funding her involvement, then there's a certain amount of information and courtesy that should be extended my way!

I have the skills to captain the good ship Happiness.  But this leaky vessel that's being tossed on enormous waves of emotion with rocky reefs below?  Nah-ah. Beyond my ability. Not what I want to do. Bring back the calm seas and pleasant breezes, please.

Could whoever clicked their fingers to turn my life upside down, please click them again to return it to manageable chaos?  I'd be ever so grateful.

Emotional Rollercoaster: Part 1- House Hunting

Rosie is 15 1/2 years old.  Am I going to survive these turbulent teenage years?  I'll tell you about a few examples- but don't worry.  I'll break up these stories.

This one is more based on a basic fear of change.  I've told you that we are planning on selling hte family homestead and buying something more manageable.  But this move was scheduled to be months away from now.

But it's SO much fun to browsw the web for houses and condos and it's SO much fun to actually go looking at some of these possibilities.

Last Saturday, Rosie and I went to look at one of these possibilities.  And everyone had fun talking about if this place would work and how.  But it was easy- because the showing realto had just gotten an offer- so this place wasn't seriously being considered.

The next day, Ora goes to few open houses (without Rosie) and it was a TOTALLY different story.  One place was- absolutely, no way a possibility.

But then there was this other place.... (call it 2HPP)

 This condo has some definite possibilties, but Rosie (and Abe) hadn't seen this place.

I showed Rosie the floor plan and she was all excited.  But then she realized the location and threw a fit because none of her friends lived close by.

But then she was excited since heat is included in the condo fee and she'd be able to keep her room warmer.

But then she was upset that she'd have to ride a certain bus to school.  She hates that bus route- for no good reason, IMHO.

But then she was excited about being close to the malls.  And that there is a pool!!!

But then she was upset because it's a longer walk to the subway.

In reality, this emotional rollercoaster was totally appropriate. 

OMG, mom is serious that we are going to be moving!!!!

Ora will take Rosie's and Abe's opinions into account, but mom has the final decision making authority!

OTPH, 2HPP is not a slam dunk, gotta have it place.  (A big drawback is that you have to use coin operated washers and driers in the basement- and aren't allowed to put a W/D into the unit)  So the search continues but also more information is being garnered about 2HPP.  And when Zeyde comes up in 2 weeks, he gets to add his opinions into the pot.

To be continued....

Ommmmmmmmm ...

After the drama of last weekend, we're enjoying a little calm after the storm.

The Roo-girl changed her photographic tune and actually smiled at me while we were on the football track together. She even repeated a back tuck for the camera -- at my request.

I'm happy.

J-bear is healthy again, after she was hospitalized with pneumonia.

She is still wearing her hair in a mohawk, but I'm happy anyway.

Z-man has announced that he is thisclose to being "Facebook official" with his new heartthrob. (You know what that is, right? Under "relationship status," it would read: "In a relationship.") A piranha dinner may be in our near future.

I'm happy.

The Drama King celebrates his 26th birthday tomorrow. Uncharacteristically, there is NO drama currently associated with the day ... or him.

I'm happier than you can even imagine.

Drummer Man bought a car ... without needing his hand held or any advice from me. And, even better, he didn't ask me for money.

Wow.

It feels good to be me this week!

Blokey Sensibilities

My Davey's a lovely kid. He's aware of other people's needs, he's caring and considerate. He's funny, observant and switched on - even when he doesn't appear to be.

He's also as lazy as I'll allow him to be with household chores. Sometimes that's pretty lazy because time constraints and being too lazy to nag remind him, or think of consequences, I just do the chore and get on with life. (I'm sure you're all familiar with the equation: 20 minutes of nagging timely reminders versus 2 minutes, or less, to do the job yourself.) I also know that's not a good pattern, long term. One of Em's 17 year old school friends is a much loved and longed for only child to older parents. His Mum still packs his school bag for him every morning. Books, pencil case, lunch, extra money. Everything. If something's not in his bag that he needs, it's not his fault. That's not healthy at 17. It's made me realise that some of the things I do for Davey are not healthy at 14. (For the record, I haven't packed his school bag since, well, ever!)

I asked Davey to help vacuum the lounge room a few weeks ago and he kept avoiding it. Eventually he told me he'd rather do an outside job, not something so.... He didn't finish the sentence, but I heard what he was saying. He wanted a blokey job. He's beginning to feel that he wants to be treated as a young man. Now in this household that won't preclude vacuuming altogether (his Dad always vacuumed more than I did!), but if he wants to do some blokier jobs, that could be arranged. He was immediately given the job of washing the car (we have a station wagon and live on the side of a hill with an awkward driveway, so it's not an easy task), and he was satisfied. It also took him a lot longer to wash the car than it did for me to vacuum, so it was a good deal in my book.

The next thing I did was to ask my friend who was sort of regularly mowing our lawn to stop doing so. I felt this was a job Davey needed to have responsibility for. I know he'll hate it at times, and I'll hate having to nag remind him, but it will give him a sense of ownership of our yard and blokey feelings of satisfaction. Mind you, he'll feel a lot more satisfaction when he doesn't have to have Mum start the mower for him!

Often when I tell Davey I did a job for him because it needed to be done immediately and he wasn't around for one reason or another, he's cheekily responded with "I win!". This time I think it's me that's winning. I no longer have to wonder if I need to allow for lawn mowing in my weekend, as my friend may or may not turn up to mow the lawn during the week, because my friend won't be turning up. Davey will be doing it and building up his blokey sensibilities.

I win.  And Davey wins too - it probably just won't feel like it to him.

Mom's back!

  
Ora is back from her wonderful adventure in Spain!!!  (pictures to follow)

Rosie squeezed her mom soooooo hard when they got together.  Rosie had an emotional rough week staying with her cousins.  She adores little Tree, but the parents, especially the mother N, produce a lot of stress.

These cousins are in the final stages of building a house- and of course, every detail must be perfect.  Well, the contractor finally had enough and quit.  Rosie and Tree were out apple picking and had to come home all in a rush.  That's all that I really know, but Rosie was very happy to be home into her own world.

Our cousins loved having Rosie stay with them.  But Rosie doesn't want this sort of thing to happen too often (once a year is okay).

Now for the pictures:

travelling business class to the way to go

Barcelona is lovely, but has some totally crazy buldings from its signature architech, Antonini Gaudi

La Pedera.  I think this looks like a droopy mushroom, but the curves are supposed to be able the sea.

 Gaudi's great cathedral, Sangra Famalia- still a work in progress after 80 years.  It will need at least 40 more to complete.

 The Barcelona signature frog/dragon at the entrance to Park Guell.

 

The chimneys of the Casa Batlio.  Gaudi almost never used straight lines for anything!!

Roman walls

Flamenco dancing  (but don't eat the supper buffet- I got food poisoning)

and lots of other interesting street sights.

 
 
 With friends on the southwest coast of Spain

Guadelest- a fortress

And then back to reality.
 

Home Alone

Margalit's kids are home alone.  Margalit is back in the hospital to try to figure out why she keeps having to go into the hospital.  Of course, what was supposed to have been 2 days at a major Boston hospital has now been extended to 8-9 days.  But the Boy and the Girl have been by themselves, with drop ins from lots of adults checking on them.

Ora can report that the house had not been destroyed and that the kids were not fighting with each other- although we won't talk about the pile of dirty dishes in the sink!

Even though Margalit's kids drive her absolutely crazy, they seem to have risen to the unfortunately more frequent occasion and are growing up.  Wow.

Hopefully, she'll be released soon, with some answers.  She is okay, but everything is just taking lots longer than it should.  And while Margalit is luxuriating in the spa known as Brigham & Womens, she has had more than her share of bloggable moments, mostly centered on the elderly roommates that she has had to endure.  It seems that if you are sick and old in the Boston area, you get a free pass to yell at any nurse or aide for any reason, preferably in a language other than English.  Regardless of what your original language is the ability to understand simple compounds in English is beyond the capabilities of her roommates.  The best was the Portuguese lady who didn't know that you had to push a button to answer the phone!  Margalit will hopefully be back at full strength in the coming weeks.  But meanwhile, the Boy and the Girl will continue to do her proud as they show their independence.

I'm holding on to these. I hope they do too.

Some days parenting teens is hard work. Really. hard. work.

Some days I think I just can't do it. I feel sorry for myself that I have no-one to hand over the reins to. No-one to back me up. Not even grand parents. I just want to go to bed, pull the covers over my head and hibernate for 5 years or so.  I don't want to see another eye-roll or hear a bored, 'you're so last century' tone again for even longer than that.


Then I came across these photos on my camera and realized we have a lot of fun too.

I want to hang on to these moments, these memories.  I hope they're the memories my teens will have of their teen years when they're adults.  Not the grumpy mother moments.

And gentler moments like this.  (Em took this of Davey and me on our recent camping trip.  I'm still convinced I'm taller than Davey.  I am.  Really.  I am.)

Leaving Them Behind

Right now, Ora is off on a grand adventure.  Okay, it's with her father, but it's still a big adventure.  And Abe and Rosie are not along for the ride!!

Ora is in Spain, specifically Barcelona and Alicante (the beach). 

 Zeyde asked if I wanted to accompany him to Spain several months ago and I first said no, how could I leave Rosie for so long during a school week?  But Rosie said- hey mom, you should go.  I'll stay with this friend and then that friend....

So I agreed to go (twist my arm really hard).  Rosie is off on a mini-adventure because she gets to stay with our cousins and their little boy, Tree.  Tree is 3 years old and loves Rosie.  And Rosie is one of the few people that Tree's mom lets to help take care of him!

Abe is going to stay at his school.  This means that he won't come home for about a month, since he was just home so much for the jewish holidays.  He's a little upset about that, but he's all for mom's grand adventure too!

But right before I left, Rosie said to me.  Mom, don't go on too many of these long trips while I'm in school anymore. (Read that, don't leave me home/at friends/releatives while you are off having fun; but also it's a pain to pack up and move and take all of my school books with me).  But she agreed that I could go away for a week (without her) once a year.

But I certainly need to leave Rosie with lots of hugs- and I look forward to getting them when I get home!
 

We like our slow time - we're odd like that

This is Davey's distorted shadow as he unzips the entrance to the tent.

We're just back from a few days camping.

Camping for us usually means driving to one of the many National Parks in NSW and enjoy a few days of very basic living. Often the campsites we choose to go to have only very basic facilities. The site we camped at last week, in Yuraygir National Park, was no exception. Chopped wood was provided and pit toilets. And, ah, that was about it. Taking water no longer phases me though, as I've been able to work out how much we require and that's about 10 litres a day for the 3 of us.Way down this walking track in the heathland, you can just see Em.

I call myself a 2 night camping specialist. 2 nights is worth the effort of pitching the tent and setting up, and I can keep food cold right up until the end of the 3rd day. We aim to be set up before lunch on the first day and pack down after lunch on the 3rd day, and it always feels as though we've had much longer than 3 days away. Perhaps it's the total lack of technology that slows time down, perhaps it's paying attention to really simple tasks like boiling the billy for a cup of tea. Whatever it is, 3 days of camping refreshes us like nothing else.

It was just warm enough for us to enjoy the waves on our body boards, though Davey was pretty keen on sitting around the campfire to warm up afterwards. There's not much insulation on his streamlined body!
We sat around the campfire at night and marvelled at the incredible night sky that isn't visible in urban areas, and listened to the creatures of the night rustling in the inky black shadows that surrounded us.

Em had told me she hadn't learned much in Biology this year, however when we walked around a rocky headland, we found a totally different shoreline to the one we camped next to. This bay was just a big rock platform, filled with rockpools and marine creatures. Em sprouted all sorts of information and showed us how to find creatures I'd never noticed before. Even she chuckled when I commented that Biology hadn't been a total waste of time.


Oh, and just because we're 'roughing it' doesn't mean that Em's quirky fashion sense is left at home.  This was her nail treatment during camping.  The middle nail is painted entirely, while the other nails are french tipped in red.  Yup.  She's special!
On the drive home, Em commented that these signs are put in place to taunt Learner Drivers.  "They're telling me to go 85 when they know I'll lose my licence if I go over 80!"

The perks of business travel

Normally, one wouldn't be talking about business travel in a column that is focusing on parenting teenagers.  But on the other hand, those teens have to deal with mom going off on business travel.

But this post is more about kids who will be teenagers soon, my niece and nephews.  Ora has lucked out in that one of the places that she needs to travel to is near where these relatives live.  One of  my big fears always was that my niece and nephews weren't going to know my immediate family.  This set because they live half-way across the country and the other set because I was afraid of not getting together with them often enough.

But since Ora is a big believer in trying to make the best of things, I am happy (most of the time) to go on business trips.  With a far-flung family, it is possible that some family member lives nearby and I'll certaintly willing to let the company pay for a visit!!

So this last trip to the Minneapolis area, I was able to have dinner and the evening with the little kids.  Just normal stuff of eating and doing homework and tucking them into bed, and getting and giving hugs.  But just  being around them, and having them be comfortable around me is (in the words of a credit card commercial) Priceless!!