Mid-CenturyModernMoms

Of Belly Buttons, Locusts and Peanut M&Ms

By Jenny Gardiner

It's taken me a while to figure this out. Well perhaps more like it's taken me a while to pinpoint the comparison. But finally it dawned on me what teens are like: locusts.

Okay, I don't mean that literally. But the thing is, once kids get old enough to be utterly self-sufficient while not concerned necessarily with being responsible, they're capable of such indirect destruction, they can be compared to a plague of locusts. Or at least a swarm.

This morning I woke to a clean kitchen. Helped youngest get ready and off to school, came back, cleaning as I went along. Next went to spinning class, returning home early enough to corral shift #2 (the older two) off to school.

But what greeted me when I returned to the house? My clean kitchen was ravaged. In one short hour, it went from crumb-and-dish-free to riddled with all of the above and then some. But where a swarm of locusts would sweep in and strip bare all that is before them, my kids instead left a trail of evidence. Starting with the remnants from yesterday's backpacks: dirty soccer gear, boxers, sweatshirts, socks, uneaten lunch box contents (left to fester in the sink). Homework papers and discarded tests left on bar stools and on the steps, phone chargers, ponytail holders, hairbrushes, flipflops, sneakers, everywhere. You name it.

And then there was the trail of breakfast and lunch detritus randomly left out for the house elves to put back: the butter (crumb-laden), crusted cereal bowls, knives (for both butter and peanut butter and jelly). Empty Tostidos and pretzel bags. One of those damned Propel packets, empty of its contents, corner snipped and on the floor. Cinnamon Toast Crunch box with 2 lonely nuggets remaining in the bottom. Cups, juice, milk, smoothie ingredients hardening in the blender. The list goes on and on. Crumbs by the toaster. Crumbs by the stove. Tea bags left to dribble on the counter, right near the speckles of honey and the scattered granules of sugar.

I pointed out this locust comparison to the older two who laughed and acknowledged their culpability. They walked out the door, late as usual to school (despite not having to be there till 9:40 a.m.), leaving mom to be the one following the elephants in the circus. My son did kindly point out that they are actually more like 'reverse-locusts,' what with their leaving so much behind, rather than barren stalks and no evidence of the presence of any life besides that. Such is the glamorous life of a writing mom.

It's been a teen sort of week here. Middle child turned 16, declaring a few weeks ago her intent to have her belly-button pierced for her Sweet 16. Mind you, I saw Lisa Ling suffer through a navel-piercing when she tried out for The View years ago on TV. I witnessed her ashen face, her intent to win a coveted slot on the show overcoming her common sense at the time. My #2 hates needles. Absolutely hates them--to the point of passing out on them. Thus we gave her our blessings to go ahead and pierce away, figuring  A) there are far worse methods of self-mutilation. And B) what are the chances she'll really go through with it?

Did I mention she hates needles?

In the meantime, while I weather the storms of teen behavior, I'm facing my own anxieties head-on. While my next book is on submission and awaiting reactions from editors, I am taking the bull by the horns and doing what any lilly-livered wuss with food-as-comfort issues would do: stress-eating peanut M&Ms. Green ones, if that matters at all.

Does Your Teen Read Books?

Posted by Neener

Does your teenager read for pleasure?  I don't think the idea even occurs to my kid anymore.

What happened to the little guy who'd pore over Where's Waldo and use a flashlight under the covers to read Harry Potter?  Did aliens eat the child who couldn't wait for the next Redwall?  I once had a reader.  Now I have a computer surfer/gamer/Facebooker/IM-er/podcast watcher.

G is now in 10th grade and only reads for school . . . because he has to.  He generally likes what he's reading for school. He actually loved The Odyssey so much that he actually bought a copy of The Illiad to read over the summer, but without the brilliant Joseph Cullen, an English teacher who should be knighted, he didn't get very far.  Put this boy in a large book store and he gravitates to the sci-fi, fantasy fiction and magazine sections.  He pretty much only reads gaming magazines, Car and Driver, and Mac User.  If I put Wired magazine in his face, say at an airport when we're flying somewhere, he'll read it.

We had a fabulous school librarian in New York who used to say about certain books, "don't leave childhood without it."  Considering the long list of books I'd place on the DLCWOI list, G has read maybe three.   He couldn't finish A Wrinkle in Time.  He wouldn't touch Catcher in the Rye.  He hasn't even read To Kill A Mockingbird!

I recently scored a major hit with Steve Wozniak's book, iWoz . He's read it like three times.  I guess that's pleasure reading for him.  But I never see G just escape into a book unless we're in a media-free zone or I've banned TV and video games.

Just today I read an essay by an old fart my age who predicts that email will soon be dead because our kids prefer texting, IMing and Twittering.  So as email dwindles, will writing die too?  If that's the case just kill me now, OK.

Labels: parenting, reading