Mid-CenturyModernMoms

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Back to School

Today's post will be a collection of thoughts about the beginning of the school year.

It's so nice not to be the only one up in the morning.  Rosie comes over and gives Mom a hug before eating breakfast.

Oh, no.  Now I need to get serious in thinking about Abe's future!

But he's doing so great at his internship....  

Is he going to be ready to take on a full college workload- with ot without supports?  Will he avail himself of those supports?  Is he going to be able to live independently in a college dorm?

Shopping for a few new things for Rosie is so much fun (especially after Wendy went through her clothes and got her to see that she really only needed a few things!)

Mom (a chemist by training) gets to be a Chemistry tutor to Rosie and friends this year.  (Is that a good or a bad?  I'm afraid it might get ugly.)

Whining about homework (from Rosie).

Writing a half dozen small (ish) checks to the school for this book or that lab kit.

But a great thing, is that, during the school year, Rosie actually talks to me.  True, it's only about the academic side of things and not any of the personal stuff, but I'll take what I can get.

Where's Ringo?

 Abe finally started working at his engineering internship.

Yes, it was supposed to start at the beginning of the summer, but hey, lawyers happen.  But the wording on the forms was all worked out and I signed it and Abe started working there several weeks ago.

Here's a conversation we had about it.

Mom: Who's your boss?

Abe: David.

Mom:  Is there anyone else working in the lab with you?

Abe: Yes, John and Paul

Mom: So where's Ringo?

Abe: (laughs)

Now the reason that this conversation is so amazing to me is that Abe NEVER knows the names of the kids that he goes to school with; he's just not that tuned into them to remember their names.  This is part of his neurological condition.  And he is even giving up several days of computer game time at home to return to school- while classes are NOT in session- in order to go to work at this internship.

I told Rosie about that on the drive home from camp last week and her response was to question whether we were talking about the same kid!

It's so nice to have a success- and I know that he loves it.  He even can explain what he's working on (but then, I know the products and have used them myself).

OPK- or Remembering that things could always be worse

Abe and I went down to Providence overnight and stayed with one of my second cousins.  She has a lovely, historic house (with a pool), a nice job, a nice husband and 2 teenage boys.  The younger of the boys is one day older than Rosie (15.5 yo) and the other is 10 month older than him.  But, oy, I wouldn't exchange my world for hers.

Neither of the boys listen at all to their mom and barely at all to their dad.  I know, a lot of that is just normal teenage stuff, but this household is rampantly out of control!

The older son is PDD, just like Abe- but also very different.  Max is a lot more social than Abe was at 16, but then again, he's already been in a residential program for several years. (Unlike Abe who just has done 1 year.)  Max is an electrical genius and he's working for an electrician this summer, but since there was no work this week, he has completely turned his schedule around- sleeping a lot during the day and prowling around at night.

The younger son, Alec hates his brother and won't even accept a hand-me-down pair of shorts from him!  This kid has anxiety attacks and just wants to stay inside all summer.

But both boys were totally normal in that I was able to get them to do things that they never would have done for their own parents.  I got Max out of bed on Sunday morning (at least long enough to have a little conversation with me and then come down to get a cup of milk).  He even went out walking with Abe, me and my cousin the night before.  I didn't give him an option, you see.  I just told him to get his jacket and come with us.  Probably the peer pressure of Abe coming along had a lot to do with that, actually.

I got Alec to sit at the table with all of us eating dinner (well, he ate something else, but he sat).  And I got him to select clothes for a trip that he was taking the next morning.

Meanwhile, Abe is behaving great and taking part in conversations (with the adults) but also playing video games with the boys.  My cousin was so encouraged for her boys to see mine doing so well.  So just remember, when you see someone with a life that you envy, you probably don't know the real story.

(p.s.- Abe finally started his internship, and he loves it!!!  he even knows the name of his lab-mates!)

It's Raining, It's Pouring

It's New England in the summer and it looks like it's going to be a wash-out of a summer; just like last year!  For me, I don't mind it TOO much, but I really feel sorry for the kids.

Right now, Abe is off at Boy Scout camp for 6 days. Yuk (in my mind).  And Rosie is at her overnight camp for 8 weeks.  I do know that they've had SOME sun there because I've seen pictures on the website where it WASN'T raining!!!

But summer should be about being hot and swimming and sun tans (or burns).  They certainly aren't getting that so far.

I've gotten 2 letters from Rosie and she says that she is having a great time with her friends, but personally, I wouldn't be having any fun.  Maybe I'm just too old and used to my creature comforts.  No more summer camp for this mom!

 

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Now pretend that you are 15 or 16 years old and on a bus trip around the United States.  That is the case for a group of kids on a program called USY on Wheels.  They travel on different routes around the US and parts of Canada and see the sites, with a Jewish spin.  So these poor kids- from all over  the country- are touring around in this nasty, chilly, wet East Coast weather that passes for a summer!

The kids are usually housed in homes of members of the synagogues where they are hosted for there one or two night stays.  Our synagogue has hosted these trips for many years.  They've gone to other shules in the Boston area, but the program keeps coming back to us because we are the best!!!  (And we serve them kosher Chinese food!)

I hosted 4 girls- after all- what else would I do with a totally empty house?  They actually weren't any problem.  They were nice kids who took a lot of showers and left the lights on all night.  But otherwise, no issues at all!

Slave Labor

Abe is going to be a slave this summer.

Slaves cannot leave an employer or a territory without explicit permission.  This is a true statement that applies to this summer.

Forced labor is defined as "all work or service which is extracted from any person under the menace of any penalty and for which the said person has not offered himself voluntarily".  But this one ISN'T totally true because there was no menace of penalty, even though it certainly wasn't his idea- but he is game for it.

So what am I talking about???

Abe is going to be an unpaid intern at Brookfield Engineering.  This company is in the same town as his boarding school, and his therapist was working hard with this company in order to get them to offer internships to one or two students.  Brookfield normally only gives internships to college students, so this is really going out on a limb for them.  The fact that both of these boys are already 18 allowed their human resources department to okay it.

And the fact that mom uses Brookfield equipment in her lab at work doesn't hurt things either!  The therapist heavily dropped that fact while he was working at convincing the company.

It turns out that Brookfield already has some ties (in some unspecified way) to other people with Aspergers, so the fact of these kids' diagnosis actually didn't hurt the process!

So it's not definite yet.  But Abe may work 20 hours each week there.  The company usually pays its interns, so they are having some trouble working out that these kids CAN'T get paid.  It certainly is payment enough that they are learning to hold down a job, as well as a brownie point for their resumes.  But they may also get some payment in gift cards.  Abe would vote for one from Barnes & Noble.

One thing that Abe is going to have to get used to is dressing nicely- it's all business casual.  So I need to go get him some khakis or Dockers, some shoes that aren't sneakers (that is going to be hard on him) and some more polo shirts.  And he's going to have to make sure that the clothes aren't totally wrinkled.

Oh, mom is just kvelling over the idea.

He's going to take college classes!

I called a mid-year IEP meeting for Abe (18 yo, PDD, ADHD) to discuss his math placement for next year. It took over a month, maybe closer to 2, for the school district to be able to schedule the meeting.  But of course, life hasn't been normal in my family for a long time- neither when I originally asked for the meeting, nor now.  But at least I'm only working part time so, for a change, I have the time to attend the meeting without taking time off.

I had all my ducks lined up in a row.  I had talked to the advocate, and while she wasn't coming with me, she had given me a list of talking points to work from.  But first all of the boarding school staff had to give their reports, as this was also the annual progress report meeting.  I of course jumped in at several points to help people remember why we were REALLY there.

After they all had spoken, I said that it sounded like we all were in agreement that Abe would be well served by taking a class on one of the local college campuses.  Heads were nodding; I had agreement.

So how are we going to make this work?

While, not exactly the story of this book, it's true that the devil (and the problems) are in the details.  The school system said that you couldn't pay for this; I said okay.  What I really wanted was their approval and the concurrence of the boarding school to make this work.

The biggest problem is going to be how to get him to the local campus to actually take the class. I suggested that I leave a car at the boarding school.  They didn't really like this idea, but it started a whole flood of ideas rolling around in their heads- "I remember that we once did...". "there is a train very near Prospect St. (the off-campus house for socially advanced students) and the next stop up the line is the local college", maybe we could do "car therapy"- where the therapist drives him the approx. 15 minutes and charges that as therapy time,.... 

So Abe and I are going to pick a few classes that he would like to take and over the next few months we are all going to figure out how to make this work- and to get him acclimated to this.  I'll probably utilize the advocate for some of this (ka-ching).

But, wow, what a successful IEP (ish) meeting!!  And if Abe settles into BSC, then it's a good choice for a 4 year college, too!

It's Party Time!!

'Tis the season for parties, and putting on pounds. The other night, we drove down to Abe's residential school for a party put on by his house.  About half of the parents came, including one family who drove up from New York City and another from Hartford.  We felt positively close since we only had to drive 45 minutes!

The food for the main course was fair with nothing much that we could eat and still keep kosher-style but the desserts, oh the desserts.  They are always my downfall. 

Chocolate covered pretzels, strawberry mousse pie, another pie with coconut and yet another with chocolate!  Apple crumble helped us think that we were staying on the healthy side, but of course, there was the egg nog, too!

And this is only the start!  Chanukah means potatoes and oil and families all getting together to eat. 

It's the holiday season now.  We went to a Chanukah party and started eating all of the stuff fried in oil- the latkes, and also "sufganiyot"- which are essentially fried dough balls with a little bit of sugar on them.  Many times they are made similar to jelly donuts, but when you eat them hot out of the oil.... yum, yum, yum.  They don't need any filling.

At this party, the whole house filled up with the scent and smoke of the smoking oil.  It took hours for my eyes to recover.  But it will be longer til the oil gets off of my hips!

And then there's New Year's Eve and more to eat and to drink.

That's why so many New Year's resolutions are about losing weight!  But on the serious side.  I am worried that all of this will destroy (or set back) Abe's great work on losing weight (he lost 30 pounds in 6 months!) and getting his cholesterol and triglycerides under control.  He had done so well that the doctor took him off of those meds- with a re-test of the blood work just after New Year's.  Mom isn't the only one who needs to practice some self-control; but Abe didn't do badly at the party at his school.  But worry is a mom's life.

Happy Holidays from my family to yours!

Beam me up, Scotty, the balancing act is too much for me here on Earth.

Amigo is attending a one week short course at the state's school for the blind. The course, room, and board are all paid for by the district, as it's part of his schooling, but we have to provide transportation there and back. And they don't make it easy on parents with their timing.

Students who attend the school full time get transportation at district and state expense. They take a coach bus to and from their hometowns or travel by small plane if they live in the far corners of the state. Amigo has done this in the past when he's attended for a quarter or a semester. The dorm staff meets the buses on Sunday night and the school staff send the kids off to their homes on Friday afternoons.

But for short courses like this, parents have to provide transportation and time it with the availability of staff. I have to drop off Amigo no earlier than 7:30 PM on Sunday evening. Did I mention this is a three hour drive from my home? If I'm back on the road by 8:00, and that's wishful thinking, I'll get home at 11 PM at the earliest.

So what? say the daughter and the son, the nightowls in the family. Well, kiddos, I'll tell you what. I rise at 5:30 AM on weekdays to get ready for school. On weekends, if I"m lucky, I'll sleep in until 7. Driving while exhausted isn't really my cup of tea; neither is teaching school without a decent night's sleep. The route home isn't a wide multi-lane turnpike style road, either. Most of it is two lane, winding roads with farms on either side and deer jumping out of the woods.

Add to that my recent bout with a chest cold, and I predict I may need a sick day Monday to recover from Sunday's drive.

Next, the pickup. One of us has to be there by 2:00 PM on Friday to pick him up. If Husband can't take a personal or a vacation day, I'll have to do it. A sick day won't cut it this time because it's not sick time. No one's sick. I'd have to take one of my two personal days. Two, I said. Two personal days per school year. I usually use them to pick up daughter from college at the end of her semesters. If I blow one now, Husband will have to handle the pickup in December or in May.

Now what? If we want Amigo to participate in this course with his visually impaired peers, and we do, we have to get him there. To get him there and home again, we have to sacrifice two days of work.

I wrote my sub plans for Monday. If I'm feeling fine at 5:30 AM Monday, I can call in and cancel my sub. That just leaves Friday to cover. Most likely, I'm missing two days of work this week.

If there's a technique to mastering this balance beam, I haven't found it.

I wrote this post before the actual adventure took place. To read the rest of the story, check out this post on Compost Happens.

It's Bragging Time!

During the wonderful IEP meeting we had for Abe (see my previous post), I asked him whether he had gotten his SAT scores.  Abe took the test at his residential school, with breaks, over 2 days and with prompts read by the teachers in early October.  But Mom hadn't seen any results.

"Yeah", says Abe.  "So what are they?" "They were okay, but I don't remember."  But since we are sitting in the IEP meeting, someone jumps up to go get them.

Wow.  Mom is VERY pleased.  Critical reading (what used to be called English) is in the 90th percentile of all college-bound students.  Math (they haven't changed the name of that yet!) is in the 80th percentile.  Even the writing component is in the mid-40th percentile.  Considering that half of his IEP is all about the fact that he CAN'T write, this is amazing!!

But if so many college-bound kids are writing on Abe's level, there is a serious problem in modern education.

What a relief!

I heaved a big sigh and realized that a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.  Our school district has agreed that Abe (PDD, ADHD..) is going to stay at his residential school through the NEXT school year.  In other words, his graduation date is set for June 2010 (instead of June 2009).

It's bittersweet, in a way.  In one way, Abe was looking forward to graduating, even while he was scared of what the next steps were going to be.  Now he and I have more time to determine what those next steps will be.

Abe just turned 18.

He is his own guardian, although he has agreed to joint responsibility for educational purposes.  I'm also getting a Power of Attorney and Health Care Proxy.  He has agreed to that.  It doesn't ever get any easier, does it?