In search of balance -- or at least the drugs to get me there

When I sat down to write this post, I looked at the empty page and snarled.

"I shouldn't write today," I said to Wonderhubby. "I'm really pissy and won't say anything nice."

"Who said you have to be nice?" he asked.

Who indeed.

But I feel like there is a nasty theme running through my posts these days.

Because really? Everyone is still ticking me off. Is it a side effect of being -- ahem -- a menopausal mid-century woman? Or is it that raising teens and 20somethings has finally sent me over the edge?

I have gone there before in this space. And the only thing that has changed since that post is that Z-man was rehired by the restaurant that had laid him off several months ago. So at least he's working. Although since he works evenings, he still sleeps till mid-afternoon. Sluggard.

But it was a blunt conversation with J-bear that has flipped me on my axis.

I felt it was time to address the problem of the elephant in the room. If you have read me for very long, you know that two of my three sons are gay. So homosexuality is not a big deal in my house. You are gay or you are straight, but you are still my kid. The end.

The fact that J-bear has made this SCREAMING statement with her appearance without the common decency to speak the words offended me. In our house? With me?? Are you KIDDING me?? It's the safest place to come out EVER.

But no. Finally I had had enough.

And so ... in an emotional, hourlong conversation that touched on many things (including whether her current look was acceptable for "polite society"), I asked her flat out.

Her answer was in the affirmative.

Yippee.

I then moved on to her appearance and an upcoming all-skate family weekend celebrating my parents' 60th anniversary at a very high-end resort and spa, where the mohawk, tattoos and industrial-sized piercings will. not. fly.

I thought that, by the time I was finished, I had made my point clear and that she needed to decide if she was willing to conform in order to attend and be part of the family.

As of Sunday morning, she had decided she wanted to go. When I spoke to her that afternoon -- and reminded her what that meant -- she gave me the big heavy sigh.

"If you think it's just appearances and why should that matter," I snapped at her, "then please remember that it works in reverse: For those four days in June, it shouldn't matter to you that your appearance conforms to social norms."

She actually snorted.

"But I like it."

I think I'll go scream in my pillow now.

Comments

[Candy]

I don't know about you, but for me, I was finding that for 2 weeks a month I had wide, scary eyes and was frightening the hell out of everyone around me. Fluoxetine (Prozac) cured it. I take it two weeks out of the month, and I'm perfectly normal - well, ok, as normal as I can be. Good luck.

[Indigo]

I think there is something bitter in the water lately. I've been in the foulest moods. As for J Bear I had previously thought so and I have to agree it shouldn't have been a problem before now outing herself. You are the most mellow mother in that arena I know. (Hugs)Indigo

[songbird]

there are days I feel like punching something....anything....

[Krissa]

Bwahahahaha! God has SUCH a perverse sense of humor with regards to forcing teenagers upon us. ;-)

[margalit]

My kids are fairly conformist in the way they dress, but my son is an uber slob and rarely wears (or has) clean clothes, so he tends to attend decent affairs in filthy clothing. Which is offensive beyond belief to me, but he has the same argument as your daughter. HE likes it, so why does it matter? Teens!

[Suzanne]

I'm glad the elephant is out of the room, but oy! The drama isn't over yet, is it?

Hugs to you.

[lceel]

The hardest lesson for the young to learn is that "It ain't all about you". Although, they're convinced it IS and are willing to offend you, me and Mormon Tabernacle Choir to prove it. Someday, she will learn the packaging doesn't matter, except in its ability to demonstrate care and concern for the cares and concerns of others. It's what's inside that really counts.

[Siobhan]

I don't envy you, but I love and respect you for the amazing mother you are. Lou has a way with words, doesn't he?

[Daisy]

GAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

[Huckdoll]

Well, I for one think you're doing a lovely job at translating the nasty thoughts and feelings into some good stories.

And the bottom line is you're an amazing mom with a bunch of young adults and you're doing it with a ton of love, patience, openness and humor. It just oozes out of you :)

You're a real gem - I hope you know that <3

[Roger]

All we can do is love them, and pray that they turn out okay. She really should start growing up though, I mean is it that hard to look "normal" for four days, and then go back to "whatever" and crying for attention later.

I do not envy you.

[Army Mom]

Send me an e-mail and I will send you a photo that ruined my Christmas... :( I SOOOO feel your pain!

With love,

J2