One of the great pleasures I have had this fall has been as the "official" photographer for the Roo-girl's varsity cheer team.
It has given me some street cred with the girls, the cheer moms, the coach and the adviser -- as well as a field pass for the football games. Woot!
A total blast, let me tell ya.
Except.
(You knew there was an "except," didn't you?)
Of course, my daughter thinks it's the most humiliating and excrutiating thing ever to have her mother on the track while they're doing their cheer thing.
In fact, she has been downright nasty about it.
Which brings us to today's topic: nasty teens and what to do about them.
I was leaning over the railing, considering my photo options two weeks ago ... and Roo saw me.
"You can leave now," she snarked.
I gave her my best death-by-eyeballs glare, and she backed down. "Sorry," she mumbled.
Later, as I cruised among the girls, periodically raising my lens in a variety of directions, she evil-eyed me again.
"Why are you always taking pictures of me?" she snarled.
I stared her down again, snarling back that I was taking pictures of ALL the girls (a tough thing for me to do, when I'd really like to only shoot my own kid).
"Then why are you always pointing the camera at me?"
I stopped dead in my tracks, counted to 10 ... and walked away, knowing that a public display was bad for me at that moment.
But later?
Sometimes, on my blog, I refer to myself as Evil Mother. I do this in jest because I generally take great pleasure in embarrassing my kids -- in a totally benign sort of way.
But that night, Evil Mother was replaced by Totally Pissed-Off Mother, who morphed into Mean and Cruel Mother the next morning.
Because. I. had. had. enough.
And so ... I sat down on her bed and let her have it with both barrels.
"I will no longer permit you to treat me with disrespect," I began, "and therefore, if you talk to me nastily, I will answer you in kind -- regardless of whether we are alone or in public. If that means I embarrass you in front of your friends, then so be it."
She nodded. We have actually had this part of the conversation before, and she knows I'm good for it.
"And if, in fact, having your picture taken is so horrible," I continued, "I can solve that for you. I will no longer take your picture."
Her eyes grew big and filled with tears.
"And if THAT doesn't improve your attitude, then I will have a meeting with your entire team and inform the girls that I will specifically not shoot any stunt group that you are in ... and that I apologize to anyone who stands near you because THEY will not get the photographic coverage they deserve as a result."
And the waterworks began.
Was I mean? Oh yeah. Was I unnecessarily cruel? *Shrug* I think it depends on whether you have been on the receiving edge of a sharp teen tongue ... and whether or not you like or allow it.
I don't.
And I'm done.
I'm also sufficiently old school to demand at least the APPEARANCE of respect from my kids. Whether they FEEL it or not is their problem, not mine.
Amazingly enough, this past Friday night, the nasty Roo stayed home ,and the sweet Roo cheered the game.
And even posed for a photo with her friend.
That's her on the left. This week, I think I'll keep her.
It has given me some street cred with the girls, the cheer moms, the coach and the adviser -- as well as a field pass for the football games. Woot!
A total blast, let me tell ya.
Except.
(You knew there was an "except," didn't you?)
Of course, my daughter thinks it's the most humiliating and excrutiating thing ever to have her mother on the track while they're doing their cheer thing.
In fact, she has been downright nasty about it.
Which brings us to today's topic: nasty teens and what to do about them.
I was leaning over the railing, considering my photo options two weeks ago ... and Roo saw me.
"You can leave now," she snarked.
I gave her my best death-by-eyeballs glare, and she backed down. "Sorry," she mumbled.
Later, as I cruised among the girls, periodically raising my lens in a variety of directions, she evil-eyed me again.
"Why are you always taking pictures of me?" she snarled.
I stared her down again, snarling back that I was taking pictures of ALL the girls (a tough thing for me to do, when I'd really like to only shoot my own kid).
"Then why are you always pointing the camera at me?"
I stopped dead in my tracks, counted to 10 ... and walked away, knowing that a public display was bad for me at that moment.
But later?
Sometimes, on my blog, I refer to myself as Evil Mother. I do this in jest because I generally take great pleasure in embarrassing my kids -- in a totally benign sort of way.
But that night, Evil Mother was replaced by Totally Pissed-Off Mother, who morphed into Mean and Cruel Mother the next morning.
Because. I. had. had. enough.
And so ... I sat down on her bed and let her have it with both barrels.
"I will no longer permit you to treat me with disrespect," I began, "and therefore, if you talk to me nastily, I will answer you in kind -- regardless of whether we are alone or in public. If that means I embarrass you in front of your friends, then so be it."
She nodded. We have actually had this part of the conversation before, and she knows I'm good for it.
"And if, in fact, having your picture taken is so horrible," I continued, "I can solve that for you. I will no longer take your picture."
Her eyes grew big and filled with tears.
"And if THAT doesn't improve your attitude, then I will have a meeting with your entire team and inform the girls that I will specifically not shoot any stunt group that you are in ... and that I apologize to anyone who stands near you because THEY will not get the photographic coverage they deserve as a result."
And the waterworks began.
Was I mean? Oh yeah. Was I unnecessarily cruel? *Shrug* I think it depends on whether you have been on the receiving edge of a sharp teen tongue ... and whether or not you like or allow it.
I don't.
And I'm done.
I'm also sufficiently old school to demand at least the APPEARANCE of respect from my kids. Whether they FEEL it or not is their problem, not mine.
Amazingly enough, this past Friday night, the nasty Roo stayed home ,and the sweet Roo cheered the game.
And even posed for a photo with her friend.
That's her on the left. This week, I think I'll keep her.
been there, done that. Actually had to embarass one of my girls in public....just once.
Posted by: songbird | November 02, 2009 at 10:03 AM
I have a 14 year old that needs your mouth spanking please.
Good for you.
Posted by: nikki | November 02, 2009 at 10:38 AM
We've already had talks about respect in this house, and how I am not to be spoken to with attitude. And she's only 5!
ciao,
rpm
Posted by: red pen mama | November 02, 2009 at 10:39 AM
My 8 year old is starting with the 'tude. I shudder at the thought she's probably going to get worse!
Posted by: Joyce-Anne | November 02, 2009 at 11:46 AM
I love how kids like to test their parents, and obviously Roo failed her last exam. :)
By the way I totally LOVE that picture!!
Posted by: Roger | November 02, 2009 at 12:25 PM
*Stands and claps. Hard*
I'm sure that you did the right thing at the right thing in the right way. Wouldn't have worked for my children, who hated having their picture taken, mind you. They'd have called me on it.
I love you calling a mid-air shot "posed"!
Posted by: Z | November 02, 2009 at 02:48 PM
Sing it, Janet! R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!
Posted by: Daisy | November 02, 2009 at 08:25 PM
OH, I SO get that! And it seems like what my younger one liked to do was be nastiest when her friends were around. If I had known any less about the friends I would have SWORN they were a bad influence on her. But, no. Just her bringing out the nasty because she thought she could get away with it if SHE embarrassed ME.
That? took..."redirection" several times.
There is no communist dictator on the face of the planet that has the gumption enough to go up against a teenage girl with the evil hormones. This I know to be true.
Posted by: Krissa | November 02, 2009 at 08:48 PM
I'm cheering for you Janet!
I applaud everything you've said to Roo. If you accept rudeness, you'll get rudeness. (Although I'll confess that there's a certain amount I let slide.)
And the idea that you wouldn't photograph Roogirl will surely shock her into civility!
Posted by: Ali | November 03, 2009 at 03:31 AM
Great photo. Fast forward 20 years--she will so love that you were her team photographer. You did good as a mom and a photographer.
Posted by: Sue Glasco | November 03, 2009 at 11:34 PM
I have three sons - who all were teenagers at one time (one still is, in fact). I lived through the one word answers, the attitudes full of snark, the teenager's anger at parental 'interference'. But I never tolerated ANY disrespect - and, thankfully, they never really offered any, either. But then - they KNEW what would happen - not matter HOW big they were.
Posted by: lceel | November 04, 2009 at 02:53 PM
Way. To. Go.
Seriously, I don't have any daughters yet, but when I do, I'm totally using you as my role model when dealing with attitude. You're awesome, I commend you.
Posted by: MJ | November 07, 2009 at 09:12 AM