Blokey Sensibilities

My Davey's a lovely kid. He's aware of other people's needs, he's caring and considerate. He's funny, observant and switched on - even when he doesn't appear to be.

He's also as lazy as I'll allow him to be with household chores. Sometimes that's pretty lazy because time constraints and being too lazy to nag remind him, or think of consequences, I just do the chore and get on with life. (I'm sure you're all familiar with the equation: 20 minutes of nagging timely reminders versus 2 minutes, or less, to do the job yourself.) I also know that's not a good pattern, long term. One of Em's 17 year old school friends is a much loved and longed for only child to older parents. His Mum still packs his school bag for him every morning. Books, pencil case, lunch, extra money. Everything. If something's not in his bag that he needs, it's not his fault. That's not healthy at 17. It's made me realise that some of the things I do for Davey are not healthy at 14. (For the record, I haven't packed his school bag since, well, ever!)

I asked Davey to help vacuum the lounge room a few weeks ago and he kept avoiding it. Eventually he told me he'd rather do an outside job, not something so.... He didn't finish the sentence, but I heard what he was saying. He wanted a blokey job. He's beginning to feel that he wants to be treated as a young man. Now in this household that won't preclude vacuuming altogether (his Dad always vacuumed more than I did!), but if he wants to do some blokier jobs, that could be arranged. He was immediately given the job of washing the car (we have a station wagon and live on the side of a hill with an awkward driveway, so it's not an easy task), and he was satisfied. It also took him a lot longer to wash the car than it did for me to vacuum, so it was a good deal in my book.

The next thing I did was to ask my friend who was sort of regularly mowing our lawn to stop doing so. I felt this was a job Davey needed to have responsibility for. I know he'll hate it at times, and I'll hate having to nag remind him, but it will give him a sense of ownership of our yard and blokey feelings of satisfaction. Mind you, he'll feel a lot more satisfaction when he doesn't have to have Mum start the mower for him!

Often when I tell Davey I did a job for him because it needed to be done immediately and he wasn't around for one reason or another, he's cheekily responded with "I win!". This time I think it's me that's winning. I no longer have to wonder if I need to allow for lawn mowing in my weekend, as my friend may or may not turn up to mow the lawn during the week, because my friend won't be turning up. Davey will be doing it and building up his blokey sensibilities.

I win.  And Davey wins too - it probably just won't feel like it to him.

Comments

[Daisy]

Yes, this is a win-win!