My husband has been working from home today, and dedicated worker bee that he is, he is about to hop on his bike and go get us both a coffee. I am kissing him goodbye at the door.
We do not peck on the cheek, he and I. A good rule of thumb for kisses is one second per year of connubial (or co-habitory, as the case may be) bliss. People get this backward all the time. Have you ever noticed that? One endless kisses when they've been together ninety seconds; half-second seconds when they've been together forty years.
However, I run a daycare in my home. Five toddlers, ten hours a day, five days a week. (Yes, I am also the woman with three children and five step-children. And somehow, I am still sane. Am too, am too!)
When you have a houseful of toddlers, a multi-second kiss will always, always be interrupted. Always. But we are hardy, experienced, committed kissers, my man and I. We re not to be diverted from our appointed take by a mere piping voice or a tug on a pant leg. The kids have to learn their place in the grand scheme of things.
What multi-second kisses mean in a house full of teens is dramatic and copious moaning and groaning. This, too, is ignored. If the moaning and groaning gets louder and aggressive, the kisses get even more so. Teens, too, have to learn their place. Parental affection is a Good Thing.
So. I am kissing me man goodbye at the door.
One of the daycare tots trots up. Of course. The piping voice is ignored. The tug on the pant leg likewise. Also the tug on his pant leg. She is nothing if not persistent. She doesn't attempt violence against our persons; she knows better than that. She attempts conversation.
"What's your name, Ilona? Ilona, what's your name?"
Now, my man and I, being not only experienced, committed kissers, but also experienced, (soon-to-be committed) parents, have had a lifetime experience dealing with this. She does not get an answer. On the contrary. Interruptions ensure the kiss lasts longer. Now, you see, we have to keep it up until she's quiet.
Adults have the right to affection. Parents have the right to focus on each other exclusively from time to time. Loving parents ensure a happy home, and this is good for everyone. So. "No Interrupting Grown-up Smooching" is an Important Life Lesson.
"Ilona? What's your name?" Besides, call me cynical, but I have a suspicion this isn't a sincere conversational gambit.
Mmm. He is a very good kisser. Rebekah, reading on the couch, is studiously ignoring us. See how well we've trained even our teens in appropriate response to adult affection? Hard to know how she can see the page, though, what with her eyes rolled up to the back of her head like that...
Ah, but the tot is quiet, finally, and I have to come up for air.
"Yes, sweetie? What did you want?" (Yes, I know I've heard the question several times by now. It's the Principle of the Thing.)
"What's your name?"
"Her name," my man pipes up most helpfully, "is ..." He puts his palm across his mouth and makes elaborate cartoon kiss-noises, the squeaky balloon of romance,
Rebekah can bear it no longer, and races in disgust from the room. "GAH!"
Parenting is such fun!